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We spent several days recently with some visiting friends who made a number of "snarky" remarks to me. Do your friends do that? We were in the car driving with them to see a historic landmark. It was a couple of hours away and since all of us were from out of town, I had researched a couple of restaurants where we could eat afterward. I was discussing the locations of the restaurants with DH, who was driving, when the woman of the couple blurted out to me from the back seat, "You think too much."
Then another day during the visit, we were in a nice restaurant and out of the blue, in a loud voice, the husband says to me, "You don't like music." Huh? We hadn't been talking abiut music, and I've never said that. I don't care for jazz or blues (apparently his favorites), but I like other kinds of music.
There were about five other instances during their visit when they made snarky remarks to me. It was so odd. They have never acted like this before.
I do have a whole handful of snarky cousins from one side of the family. It's the way they express their dislikes. Fortunately I'm not on the receiving end of the snark in their presence at least. I think they are probably all too "polite" to snark in someone's face. So what it is is passive-aggressive behavior.
Nope. No snark allowed in my space, please. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
It could be seen as a compliment that they think you are close enough that they can make those comments. But they obviously don't know you as well as they think because you were clearly upset by their remarks.
Or they are just rude and inconsiderate and you should avoid them in future!
I'm from the UK where we talk to each other like that all the time, that's how our humor is. But you have to know when it's appropriate and when it isn't. I reserve that kind of thing for very very close friends who know how much I love them now that I live in the US.
I'd say they have a low tolerance level for behavior that is irritating to them. So that's why they are expressing it through snarks. If you get a bad feeling from it, I'd avoid them in the future.
We spent several days recently with some visiting friends who made a number of "snarky" remarks to me. Do your friends do that? We were in the car driving with them to see a historic landmark. It was a couple of hours away and since all of us were from out of town, I had researched a couple of restaurants where we could eat afterward. I was discussing the locations of the restaurants with DH, who was driving, when the woman of the couple blurted out to me from the back seat, "You think too much."
Then another day during the visit, we were in a nice restaurant and out of the blue, in a loud voice, the husband says to me, "You don't like music." Huh? We hadn't been talking abiut music, and I've never said that. I don't care for jazz or blues (apparently his favorites), but I like other kinds of music.
There were about five other instances during their visit when they made snarky remarks to me. It was so odd. They have never acted like this before.
Do your friends make snarky remarks to you?
I had one that would occasionally make condescending jabs and snarky comments. She's no longer my friend. These people are not your friends, OP. Life is too short for this kind of stuff.
My folks will over-discuss restaurants and directions to a point that drives my husband batty. Sometimes I will join the discussion, sometimes all the details overwhelm me and I too get annoyed. Hopefully I've grown out of making snarky comments when I feel this way. My folks really enjoy hashing out all these details together.
Anyways, maybe this is what happened in the car --just because you annoy someone sometimes doesn't mean they don't like/love you. Of course she was definitely rude about it.
The music thing out of the blue does make it sound like they were talking about you behind your back, because both comments are "YOU do this." I agree with others who say if they make you feel bad, don't invite them again, don't call. See if they reach out instead.
It's kind of like people who pride themselves on being sarcastic. For some weird reason, they think it's a sign of intellectual superiority when, in fact, it's the laziest form of humor there is. And it's corrosive too boot. Any idiot can be sarcastic, which explains why your average five-year-old can do it. It is the exact opposite of wit.
Snarkiness is the same basic thing. It is a desire to tear someone down, not build them up. And why would any sane person have friends like that in their lives?
Sometimes acquaintances have tried this, and the result is unfortunate for them. I stop traffic and say, "OK, where is this remark coming from? What's up with you?"
It is probably needles to say, none of these people have ever become friends.
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