Connecting with someone you don't want to (holidays, sister, wealthy)
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A relative who is the product of an extramarital affair has tried to connect with me on social media.
I have never met this person, have no ill will to this person, but have zero desire to have contact in any way. It just reminds me of some painful things that happened in my family of origin.
I cannot think of anything I have to possibly gain from this contact.
I have learned over the years that DNA means nothing in terms of who I respect, love and like.
Some of you want to tell me I'm wrong. I'm willing to listen to you who do not have hearts of stone like me. Go.
Is the person who was betrayed still alive? If so, would that person be hurt by your association with the illegitimate offspring? If so, I would agree with you. I would not hurt my father or mother by associating with an illegitimate offspring from a betrayal.
It's not the offspring's fault, of course. As you said.
What I might do is just tell him/her that at this time, I can't handle having a relationship with him/her because of the circumstances. That mom (or dad) is still alive and would be hurt by it...or that it's too sensitive an area for me, reminding me of the betrayal of someone I love. I would make sure to tell him/her that I don't blame him/her at all, and maybe at some time in the future I might be able to get past the past. But not now.
I wouldn't want to burn a bridge, I think. You never know how important it may be in the future to have family, even if that family is illegitimate. I wouldn't want to be unkind, either. Any of us could have been born under less than perfect circumstances.
For genetic purposes--doubt it. The person has the ability to be in contact with a willing bio parent and declines. They have never had any conflict with each other.
I have had a lifetime of proof that having DNA in common is meaningless. I don't have any comprehension why anyone would believe otherwise.
How in the world is it my personal responsibility to be in touch with this person?
How does me not being interested in being friends with a complete stranger make me "bitter", as one poster said?
We are not talking about 1 email or any emails at all. We are talking about an invitation to share pictures, posts and communication--something I do not want at all. I already see this person in my feed sometimes and it literally makes me sick to my stomach to have that old wound opened up.
Yes the people involved in the relationship are still living, and yes it would hurt some others for me to be in contact with this person.
I just remembered something important. This person has done some fraudulent financial manipulation of the bio parent. I have seen the evidence of this in black and white. I had forgotten about that. This actually harmed me personally as well. So now I do have a reason to not be in contact with this person (if I need a reason).
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,345,276 times
Reputation: 9914
Quote:
Originally Posted by imagineAA
OK, some responses.
For genetic purposes--doubt it. The person has the ability to be in contact with a willing bio parent and declines. They have never had any conflict with each other.
I have had a lifetime of proof that having DNA in common is meaningless. I don't have any comprehension why anyone would believe otherwise.
How in the world is it my personal responsibility to be in touch with this person?
How does me not being interested in being friends with a complete stranger make me "bitter", as one poster said?
We are not talking about 1 email or any emails at all. We are talking about an invitation to share pictures, posts and communication--something I do not want at all. I already see this person in my feed sometimes and it literally makes me sick to my stomach to have that old wound opened up.
Yes the people involved in the relationship are still living, and yes it would hurt some others for me to be in contact with this person.
I just remembered something important. This person has done some fraudulent financial manipulation of the bio parent. I have seen the evidence of this in black and white. I had forgotten about that. This actually harmed me personally as well. So now I do have a reason to not be in contact with this person (if I need a reason).
You've already made up your mind. Not sure what the question is though. Just looking for ... what?
I'm not really sure what the point of the thread is...
In that case I would just ignore. You might want to consider seeing someone to work on strategies to handle the feelings this person brings up in you, because you clearly have a lot of anger and resentment that is hurting you. You can block a person and their posts won't show in your timeline, even if it's something they posted to a friend of yours.
I just remembered something important. This person has done some fraudulent financial manipulation of the bio parent. I have seen the evidence of this in black and white. I had forgotten about that. This actually harmed me personally as well. So now I do have a reason to not be in contact with this person (if I need a reason).
Another OP that adds to the story when the responses aren't what he wants to hear.
He harmed you financially, you forgot about it until now? Sure.
Social media is meaningless - I would just decline the request and block the person. Over an out. If he/she REALLY needs to get in contact with you - still - they will find another way (phone call/letter/email).
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