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I'm writing this because I'm confused as it pertains to a situation I'm in. I have a close friend whom I consider my 'best-friend' however lately somethings have been happening which make me even question our friendship. I'm starting to think I'm more of a doormat being taken advantage of. Here is the story...
About 9 months ago my friend calls me telling me that his aunt is planning to kick him out. He didn't have anywhere else to go, and needed a place to stay. So I allowed him to move in with me into the second bedroom in my parents basement (with their blessings of course). During this time he got a pretty good paying job, and helped with some of the bills around the house which was okay. My mom was planning on moving out pretty soon so he came up with the idea that we should both rent an apartment and be roommates. I reluctantly agreed because we were once roommates before a few years before and it didn't end well. However we made it out of the lease luckily.
During this time also he was looking for a new car and needed a co-signer. His credit wasn't that good but he did have the money to pay so he asked me. At first I was hesitant but he needed a car for transportation to and from work and I gave in and co-signed.
Fast forward a few months. We both end up getting the apartment with both our names on the lease. and everything is going good for the first 2 months. During this time however he has started a new relationship with a girl from out of town, and wasn't home much. I didn't mind because that wasn't my business as long as the rent was paid. However while he was co-inhabiting with her he failed to tell me that he wasn't working due to there being no contracts for their work during the fall and winter months. So he started to drive with Uber and Lyft. Then he just stopped doing that because he stated "he didn't feel like it". So eventually he didn't come back to the apartment he just started avoiding me and staying with the girlfriend and avoiding all communication with me.
So where I am now is I'm pretty much stuck paying the rent by myself and he moved all his stuff out to live with his new girlfriend abruptly without even saying much of a word to me (while I was away at work). He didn't even have the audacity to tell me face to face but rather through a text message which I find insulting. Later as I kept trying to figure out what was going on he simply told me, he was living there now and I should find a new place to live. But in the midst of all of this he tried to manipulate me into thinking that I should be happy for him because he found love, and all these other crazy things that makes his situation so great. Which I'm not one to say u shouldn't be happy. But the way he treated me during this whole ordeal is pretty horrendous and left me with so much uncertainty. It's as if he didn't think about how his actions affect me, only that he's okay and doesn't have to worry because he has a place to stay rent free.
Even before this situation I would always go out of my way to make sure that I supported and helped him in anyway I could because I honestly believed that he was a true friend. However now that I reflect on our relationship over the years it seems so one sided and he always benefits from me, and I always end up with the short stick and confused at the end. I believe im being blind and trying to justify a friendship that isn't really there.
Get a new roommate and move on to new and more mature friendships. A "best friend" should not use you to benefit one-sided. Friendships are 2-sided where both benefit from the other.
No "friend" walks out of a lease and leaves you holding the bag.
It it were me, I'd take him to court for his half of the 10 months of rent he left you on the hook for, in addition to half of all of the utilities. He has a legal obligation to cover those bills because he signed a lease, which is a legal, binding contract.
But stop pretending this guy is a friend. He isn't. And I think you already know it.
And what about the car loan you foolishly agreed to co-sign for, is he still paying the note? Cause if not, not only are you carrying the load for the rent you'll soon find your paycheck garnished for a car he's sporting his new gf around in. I had a childhood gf like him & as much as I liked her it has taken me this long to realize she was never a friend of mine & furthermore she has never been anyone's friend. She is the most self centered person I've ever met, everything is always about her happiness & her concern for anyone else including her own children is minimal. I had to let her go.
And what about the car loan you foolishly agreed to co-sign for, is he still paying the note? Cause if not, not only are you carrying the load for the rent you'll soon find your paycheck garnished for a car he's sporting his new gf around in. I had a childhood gf like him & as much as I liked her it has taken me this long to realize she was never a friend of mine & furthermore she has never been anyone's friend. She is the most self centered person I've ever met, everything is always about her happiness & her concern for anyone else including her own children is minimal. I had to let her go.
Right now he isn't paying the note on the car. Its currently behind 60 or so days, I cant afford to pay it right now so I don't know whats going to happen.
Just like you I am starting to realize that he isnt a friend of mine, I think im more of a benefit to him. Someone to keep around to keep taking from with no consequences. I guess since I dont have many friends I always try to people please and that's my fault. He may have saw that vulnerability in me and started to take advantage of me.
I tried to justify his behavior but I dont think I can any longer. I agree its time for me to let go no matter what I may feel.
I'm writing this because I'm confused as it pertains to a situation I'm in. I have a close friend whom I consider my 'best-friend' however lately somethings have been happening which make me even question our friendship. I'm starting to think I'm more of a doormat being taken advantage of. Here is the story...
About 9 months ago my friend calls me telling me that his aunt is planning to kick him out. He didn't have anywhere else to go, and needed a place to stay. So I allowed him to move in with me into the second bedroom in my parents basement (with their blessings of course). During this time he got a pretty good paying job, and helped with some of the bills around the house which was okay. My mom was planning on moving out pretty soon so he came up with the idea that we should both rent an apartment and be roommates. I reluctantly agreed because we were once roommates before a few years before and it didn't end well. However we made it out of the lease luckily.
During this time also he was looking for a new car and needed a co-signer. His credit wasn't that good but he did have the money to pay so he asked me. At first I was hesitant but he needed a car for transportation to and from work and I gave in and co-signed.
Fast forward a few months. We both end up getting the apartment with both our names on the lease. and everything is going good for the first 2 months. During this time however he has started a new relationship with a girl from out of town, and wasn't home much. I didn't mind because that wasn't my business as long as the rent was paid. However while he was co-inhabiting with her he failed to tell me that he wasn't working due to there being no contracts for their work during the fall and winter months. So he started to drive with Uber and Lyft. Then he just stopped doing that because he stated "he didn't feel like it". So eventually he didn't come back to the apartment he just started avoiding me and staying with the girlfriend and avoiding all communication with me.
So where I am now is I'm pretty much stuck paying the rent by myself and he moved all his stuff out to live with his new girlfriend abruptly without even saying much of a word to me (while I was away at work). He didn't even have the audacity to tell me face to face but rather through a text message which I find insulting. Later as I kept trying to figure out what was going on he simply told me, he was living there now and I should find a new place to live. But in the midst of all of this he tried to manipulate me into thinking that I should be happy for him because he found love, and all these other crazy things that makes his situation so great. Which I'm not one to say u shouldn't be happy. But the way he treated me during this whole ordeal is pretty horrendous and left me with so much uncertainty. It's as if he didn't think about how his actions affect me, only that he's okay and doesn't have to worry because he has a place to stay rent free.
Even before this situation I would always go out of my way to make sure that I supported and helped him in anyway I could because I honestly believed that he was a true friend. However now that I reflect on our relationship over the years it seems so one sided and he always benefits from me, and I always end up with the short stick and confused at the end. I believe im being blind and trying to justify a friendship that isn't really there.
What do you all think?
You said it,your relationship was very one sided. He took advantage of a good thing and pretty much just used you for his benefit. He was absolutely not your best friend or even a good friend. He picked it up long time ago that you really wanted him as your best buddy, and he used it to get whatever he wanted or need from you. People like this you don't need in your life, cut your losses with him and move on with your life. Try to find a new roommate to help split the rent, and hopefully he pays his car note on time so it wont hurt your credit. Never do that again, for somebody who is not worthy of putting your good name on the line.
This guy had proved time and time again that he was a user of the first degree. He screwed you over on the phone. He screwed you over the last time you leased with him - AND YET, you signed a lease at a new place with him AND co-signed for his car.
You were lucky they let you out of the lease last time. This time may prove different. Co-signing on a car that gets re-possessed WILL hurt your credit - possibly for a looooooong time.
You didn't "allow" this to happen to you - you actively participated in setting yourself up for trouble.
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