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For the past year, our first in this residence, we've known that an elderly neighbor up the street is deaf. She was never outside, so there was never a convenient time or way to get to know her without being intrusive. That has sort of changed. Recently, a younger person (middle age) has moved into that house. We don't know the specifics, but our guess is that she's a younger relative looking out for an elder. Admirable, and the sort of person we'd like to know. She is also outside often enough that it wouldn't unreasonable to walk by and greet her, and she is also deaf (as she gestured once while we were driving by and waving howdy).
I hate the idea of anyone living here being isolated. No, I'm probably not going to learn ASL, but I don't care if she can't hear thunder, I'd want her to feel comfortable coming to me in a pinch, and to feel embraced here. A part of me is tempted to walk along there with a note pad and pen and try to converse by passing it back and forth, but I don't know anything about deaf community standards and I don't want to commit some faux pas or alienate her. It's an unfamiliar situation and I think I ought to do some research to make sure my method is respectful.
If it were me, I'd go over with the pad and pen. Perhaps she reads lips, and would let you know.
I'm not deaf and don't know any deaf people personally, but just from a "human standpoint", I'd say that if you go over there with the obvious intent to start a nice conversation and follow her lead with it, you'd be in safe territory.
Sure. Go over there with a pen and pad - or a laptop? If she is good with technology, that would be a plus in communicating with her.
You may already know this, but if it turns out she is a lip reader, look directly at her and talk normally.
ASL isn't that difficult to learn, although you don't need to learn a lot of it. She will appreciate it if you make the effort to learn a few signs - if that is her primary communication method. She will probably be happy to teach you the basics - would be very flattered if she knew that you were interested.
(I worked a bit with the Deaf community years ago and learned some sign. I've forgotten most of it, but know a bit about Deaf culture).
You really don't know anything about these people at all. Why do you want to befriend them and help them out in a pinch more than your other neighbors? Are you sure you're not doing it because they are deaf?
It seems odd to me to randomly pick one neighbor out of a whole street to want to be there for when all you have ever done is wave a basic greeting.
It seems odd to me to randomly pick one neighbor out of a whole street to want to be there for when all you have ever done is wave a basic greeting.
What's the problem with reaching out to someone and making sure that 1) they are not isolated and 2) that they know if there is a problem, they have a neighbor who they can reach out to?
I used an 8 x 10" whiteboard to communicate with my husband. We took it everywhere we went. Can they speak?
That's an idea, we could get better markers for ours. I don't know much about her situation except that it was obvious she was trying to tell us she couldn't hear us (I presume that smiles and waves conveyed our basic intent well enough). One reason to do it would be to figure out just how we'd go about communicating if there were some situation where time was of the essence, and that would include whether she could speak, lip read, and any other communication means she was comfortable with.
I guess half of it is that I'm pretty chicken to just barge over there with a writing mechanism in hand, unless I can be assured that I won't somehow cause unwitting offense. I know that the deaf community includes some strong views about stuff like cochlear implants, about whether deafness should be 'cured' or whether it should be looked at as needing curing, and what is good manners. I'll feel more confident the more input I can get.
What's the problem with reaching out to someone and making sure that 1) they are not isolated and 2) that they know if there is a problem, they have a neighbor who they can reach out to?
Absolutely nothing and I never said there was.
I was just casually wondering why them and why not any and/or all of the other neighbors?
My question stemmed from an experience relayed to me from a disabled friend of mine. Some people (she calls them do-gooders) will go out of their way to "befriend" her and offer help because she is disabled. They appear to believe they're doing her a favor.
Was just wondering if there was a touch of that going on.
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
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Quote:
Originally Posted by j_k_k
That's an idea, we could get better markers for ours. I don't know much about her situation except that it was obvious she was trying to tell us she couldn't hear us (I presume that smiles and waves conveyed our basic intent well enough). One reason to do it would be to figure out just how we'd go about communicating if there were some situation where time was of the essence, and that would include whether she could speak, lip read, and any other communication means she was comfortable with.
I guess half of it is that I'm pretty chicken to just barge over there with a writing mechanism in hand, unless I can be assured that I won't somehow cause unwitting offense. I know that the deaf community includes some strong views about stuff like cochlear implants, about whether deafness should be 'cured' or whether it should be looked at as needing curing, and what is good manners. I'll feel more confident the more input I can get.
You can learn the ASL alphabet in less than half an hour - many of the signs are very intuitive and resemble the printed letters. Once you learn them, you can finger-spell, which takes considerable time and is much slower than ASL, but which does work in a pinch.
You can also learn a few basic signs and sentences - hi, how are you?, my name is ___, okay, yes, no, friends, etc. - but in your position, using written communication is probably easiest for everyone and less likely to lead to confusion.
I expect your neighbor would be happy that you are interested in getting to know her.
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