The problem of women saying they don't like having lots of girlfriends. (guilty, socialize)
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You don't see it as much with older women. You might hear a girl in her thirties talking that but usually by then they've moved onto some other talking points.
I think this is true. When I was younger, I was focused on my relationship with my husband and raising my children. Now that I'm older, I have more time in my life for relationships with other people, and that includes both genders. Together, my husband and I have been reaching out for more social interaction. I think it's a life stage issue.
It is so disheartening to consistently read comments that define women or men.
I realize that the human animal has evolved to categorize as much as possible in order to quickly assess friend from foe, but I would have thought that we could use that big brain to see that many categorical assessments are just plain incorrect. That we could use what is supposed to be a superior cognition to understand that our anecdotal experiences are not necessarily reflective of accuracy.
Sigh.
No matter how many women post their personal 'masculine' traits or how many men their 'feminine' traits, we seem to be mired in the idea that there are feminine and masculine traits and they belong to each sex.
Do we really believe that the masculine trait of strength does not belong equally to females? Do we really think that the women who have survived and passed on their genes were not made of the toughest stuff around?
Are we to think that the feminine trait of compassion shows weakness in a man? Isn't the fact that societies are becoming more compassionate a sure sign that indeed men are compassionate creatures?
I think that women who feel this way have experienced negative situations with other women. Some women can be catty and gossipy as another poster stated. But I will say I would not let one bad experience deter me from having friendships with other women who may be very nice.
No matter how many women post their personal 'masculine' traits or how many men their 'feminine' traits, we seem to be mired in the idea that there are feminine and masculine traits and they belong to each sex.
Do we really believe that the masculine trait of strength does not belong equally to females? Do we really think that the women who have survived and passed on their genes were not made of the toughest stuff around?
Are we to think that the feminine trait of compassion shows weakness in a man? Isn't the fact that societies are becoming more compassionate a sure sign that indeed men are compassionate creatures?
And what's also a little sad is that this all reinforces the idea that women are somehow lesser than men. Male qualities are to be admired, and women, who are catty and gossipy, are not to be associated with to the point where some women adamantly insist that they're cool, not like other women. (ANd I'm pretty sure we can all come up with examples of dudes who are jealous and catty.)
Which isn't to say that the OP isn't wrong when she says that men and women are enemies, or that women owe something to other women, but it's interesting how these biases are so ingrained in how we're socialized.
What I think is remarkably sad is that when a woman makes her rightful decision to choose her own friends, she is judged for it.
I hate that.
My daughter is 8 years old and since she was 4, she has preferred having male friends. Anyone who wants to criticize her can go boink themselves. I suspect when she is a teenager she will still have a lot of male friends and won't want to be involved in a catty female clique. And that is totally okay.
My girl friend for the last three years does not like hanging out with other women. She does probably because she needs that connection. But only in small doses. Most of her good friends are guys at least 10 years older than her. But she gets so annoyed and upset by women's behavior. She always comes home upset that they are so into their boyfriends or they are way too emotional or they can't support themselves or they spend too much money or they can't budget.
I'm just going to repeat this for consideration: she gets so annoyed and upset that they are way too emotional? And, she's fussed about their personal budgets and whatnot?
What I think is remarkably sad is that when a woman makes her rightful decision to choose her own friends, she is judged for it.
I hate that.
My daughter is 8 years old and since she was 4, she has preferred having male friends. Anyone who wants to criticize her can go boink themselves. I suspect when she is a teenager she will still have a lot of male friends and won't want to be involved in a catty female clique. And that is totally okay.
That's sad. You really should push for her to have female friends, otherwise she will end up like so many other women and have difficulty relating to her own gender and like many here will be quite hostile and distrustful of other females.
That's sad. You really should push for her to have female friends, otherwise she will end up like so many other women and have difficulty relating to her own gender and like many here will be quite hostile and distrustful of other females.
You sound rather "hostile and distrustful" yourself; just sayin'! In my case, I'm an INTJ on the Myers-Brigg's inventory, and that's only 4% of the female population, so I am far more logical, rational, and practical than the majority of women, who tend as a rule (not to generalize) to be more emotional, effusive, and illogical. That drives me crazy. So I relate better to and have a better time with men, and I'm sure other "atypical" women feel the same way... Try to look at this logically, rationally, and practically rather than emotionally.
And what's also a little sad is that this all reinforces the idea that women are somehow lesser than men. Male qualities are to be admired, and women, who are catty and gossipy, are not to be associated with to the point where some women adamantly insist that they're cool, not like other women. (ANd I'm pretty sure we can all come up with examples of dudes who are jealous and catty.)
Which isn't to say that the OP isn't wrong when she says that men and women are enemies, or that women owe something to other women, but it's interesting how these biases are so ingrained in how we're socialized.
Yuuuup. It's like, if a man is nosy or disloyal, it's because he's nosy or disloyal. If a woman is nosy or disloyal, it's because "women" are nosy and disloyal. Not cool. If someone, by choice or by chance, is mostly friends with the opposite gender, no worries...it's when that choice/chance gets wrapped up in misogynistic attitudes and statements that it is a potential problem.
men are easier to get along with in my opinion. a lot less judging, a lot less maintenance, and a bigger breadth of topics of conversation.
but that is just the difference between the genders. i have three really close girlfriends who are awesome. unfortunately they are just few and far between in my opinion. but that does not mean that i don't respect every single person i come across and treat them with said respect. i just don't find i "connect" with many women.
just because i choose not be friends with a ton of other women doesn't make me a bad person.
i do agree that women shouldn't say "i'm not like other women"... that is kind of putting other women down. just because you're not like other women doesn't make you any better or them any worse.
Men are judging. The difference between us and women is that we go about it in different ways. It isn't necessary for us to convey to you that we're judging. What does that accomplish? Doesn't edify or anything better for us to just keep our opinions to ourselves; in most cases we don't have all of the information anyway and I would not want to hear a man tearing down another man so why would I have that conversation with a woman? But a lot of men do have that conversation with men about other men, and there is a lot of self-righteousness that goes along with being a man. At the same time there are a lot of things I'd rather men just figure out for themselves instead of venting their frustrations with their inability to find closure. Not on anything in particular, but just in general; because regardless what your feelings are about anything you inevitably have to move on to what you can fix and what you can do.
I'm not "touchy feely" with other men. Even though they may get that way with me. It's weird. I may be that way with a woman; depending on the relationship and depending on what that conveys about my intentions to a woman. Some women, despite the friendship, you just can't tell them anything deep because she'll always assume the worst about your intentions. Other women you can tell anything. Some you might tell things you won't even tell your own wife. Every man should be friends with some woman he isn't attracted to, and she isn't attracted to him. Not that there is anything wrong with that other person if someone were, but it is mutually (though unspoken) agreed upon that they aren't. Those are often the best male/female friendships in my experience.
I had that in college, a lot. Haven't had it since my thirties but that's probably a good thing I'm not complaining.
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