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Ah, the joys of living in a social world. It makes us do a lot of things we don't want to, "just to get along." There's a person in my extended friendship circle whom I no longer like. I'll call her Jeanette. We ran into her unexpectedly the other day, and after we finished talking to her, my wife told me I looked like I was sucking on a lemon during our conversation. She told me I didn't pretend to like her well enough, that I looked like I couldn't stand to be there, and that I had a duty to at least fake it a little bit, because we're in the position of encountering her often in our lives and we have to get along. I was mad. Why do I have to fake liking a person? But OK. Staying happily married is important, so I can do this. But how? How do you pretend to like someone?
I wouldn't pretend to like someone I don't but at times when I have to deal with someone, I would try to be polite. However, I am not going to be overly friendly with someone I don't like.
I had to do this before we moved away. I didn't and still don't like the wife of what was my husbands best friend. I was nice because of his friendship and it would have just been an awkward mess if my true feelings were shown. I think that is an example of when it might be a good idea to pretend to like someone, but I don't know about your situation. I think there are times someone has done something horrendous and doesn't deserve civility, but its rare. Most of the time is best to be nice out of consideration for everyone. I've noticed most gatherings have someone I'm not too crazy about its best to say a brief hello and just move on.
I'm usually really good with the poker face but sometimes my "resting biatch" face just takes over lol
If it's a social setting, I try not to engage in much conversation with them (usually keep it to "hello" and "goodbye"). There's one or 2 people in my office that I genuinely do not like. I keep it cordial and professional.
Ah, the joys of living in a social world. It makes us do a lot of things we don't want to, "just to get along." There's a person in my extended friendship circle whom I no longer like. I'll call her Jeanette. We ran into her unexpectedly the other day, and after we finished talking to her, my wife told me I looked like I was sucking on a lemon during our conversation. She told me I didn't pretend to like her well enough, that I looked like I couldn't stand to be there, and that I had a duty to at least fake it a little bit, because we're in the position of encountering her often in our lives and we have to get along. I was mad. Why do I have to fake liking a person? But OK. Staying happily married is important, so I can do this. But how? How do you pretend to like someone?
Don't think about it as pretending to like her. Think of it as maintaining social ties that you need in your life. Adjust your facial expression to neutral, be civil, don't prolong your encounter, smile when you say goodbye.
Don't talk about her to others. And ask your wife not to talk about your dislike with others either.
If she is not a likable person, others will likely keep her at a distance, and she might not last in your circle of friends. If you are unreasonably disliking her, perhaps you can reevaluate later.
Treat her as if she was a boss whom you don't like but must get along with. But you don't have to do things for her, as you would with an unlikable boss. This is good social discipline.
Don't think about it as pretending to like her. Think of it as maintaining social ties that you need in your life. Adjust your facial expression to neutral, be civil, don't prolong your encounter, smile when you say goodbye.
Don't talk about her to others. And ask your wife not to talk about your dislike with others either.
If she is not a likable person, others will likely keep her at a distance, and she might not last in your circle of friends. If you are unreasonably disliking her, perhaps you can reevaluate later.
Treat her as if she was a boss whom you don't like but must get along with. But you don't have to do things for her, as you would with an unlikable boss. This is good social discipline.
That is very helpful. Thanks for your suggestions. I have noticed that her friends don't join her as much either. Maybe they are having the same experiences. But I agree; we should try to get along with everyone if we can, if for no other reason that we learn the lessons of patience and kindness.
Gee, I don't pretend anything since I became a grown-up. I don't think someone should have to pretend to like someone they don't. I would find a slip away from the situation. My husband knows better than to expect me to do something against my moral code, and "pretending" is along the lines of "lying", so I don't go there.
Gosh, my spouse wouldn't make this kind of requirement. Lucky me!
Shrug... I guess I'm old school. I don't associate with people I don't like if I don't have to (ie, work or family.) I had an old friend once, and we had a falling out. I just stopped contacting them or hanging out with them. We have some mutual friends in common, so occasionally I would see them at social gatherings. This person would approach me, try to engage me in small talk, but I kept the conversations short and then would excuse myself. Eventually they got the hint and stopped trying to engage me if we happened to see each other. Now neither of us are wasting each others time.
Life is too short to complicate our lives needlessly.
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