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No I don't want to be married but I don't want to end up a old lady living alone without any one to care for me if I need it.
Maybe you should visit nursing homes to see how many children actually care for their elderly relatives. And no, just because your mother did it and you did it is no guarantee that your child will take care of you.
Whether you adopt, foster or do it naturally- children are expensive. Do you have a good job, benefits, housing, etc? Do you have a support system? Have you priced out what the child will cost- diapers, clothes, food and all the things baby needs? Since you would be a single mom, you'll need to return to work so can you afford daycare for your child?
This basic list is for a 'normal' child- what if your child is autistic or has special needs- how will you cope with that?
What are you going to say when the child asks about their father or wants to meet him? What if your 'sperm donor' decides that he wants a more active role in the child's life or maybe even full custody? You will be tied to this man forever so don't think it will just be you and the child. Think long and hard about this decision.
I just thought of something- I don't know if you have access to the HBO new series "Big Little Lies" but the character played by Shalene Woodly has a son Ziggy (about 7 maybe?) who was conceived by rape and the mother won't tell the child anything about the father. There was one very poignant scene in which he yells at her "Just tell me his name!" It's actually quite disturbing. I also think grade schools are quite inconsiderate when it comes to the "new" family dynamics of today. They still have kids draw family pictures and family trees, make mothers and fathers day cards, etc- my heart is always breaking for the kids who are made to feel bad that they don't have what the other kids have- for whatever reason and I'm sure there are many reasons other than what you are considering.
Sometimes this is NOT a good thing. I personally, don't think it's fair to have a baby with a man who has no idea he is being tricked into being a father especially if the woman claims she is on birth control when she really isn't just to get pregnant. And I know some of you will say the man should also be responsible for birth control but if he is told the woman is on the pill or is using a diaphragm or sponge then I think it's unfair to expect child support from him. And I am saying this as a woman.
If a man doesn't want a child, he still needs to use protection. After all, no form of birth control is 100% effective. Besides, how does he know if the woman has an STD?
And, as you pointed out --- there are women who lie and say they are using birth control.
I agree---it is a despicable thing for a woman to do. Why have a baby with a man who doesn't want a child? She can get him to pay child support but she can't force him to be a physical part of the child's life. It's a very selfish thing to do to a child.
Maybe you should visit nursing homes to see how many children actually care for their elderly relatives. .
Many people wind up in nursing homes is because their adult children are often elderly themselves, and don't have the physical or financial resources to take care of their much older parent.
I've worked in nursing homes and it's full of people in their 80s and 90s, whose children are in their 60s and 70s. It's very difficult to care for someone with Alzheimer's or a hospice patient, especially if they don't have the nursing background for it.
I strongly disagree. Generally it is the daughters that craves the father relationship. My son can go years at a time without seeing his father, and it does not affect him. My daughter has lots of issues with wanting a dad, even though my father and brother have always been strong male role models in her life.
I have come around to thinking that it would be a good idea to decouple reproduction and childbirth from romantic relationships. It would eliminate a lot of relationship stress if those women who want children would just go out and do it and then look for relationships as a single parent afterward. For the men it would eliminate the risks of 'bait and switch' and 'oopses' that seem to happen mostly in relationships with women in their 30's.
Or men in their 30's could grow up and act like responsible, loving, dependable, selfless individuals that women would want to marry.
Is that the issue? I just thought men don't bond to children the same way that women do.
My DH has bonded fully with his children, and I know other men who have.
But, I do think that bond is first initiated with love between the two people. There is strong emotion after the birth of a child that two loving people have created together.
I am not saying that a man would not learn to love a child he had fathered with someone he did not love. But I think it would be rare.
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