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I'll be honest. The post is a little intense and implies that you're holding on to a lot of resentment, but as someone who has had mixed feelings about my own in-laws I commiserate. At least I understand.
Not that you asked for one, but I do want to offer a little advice about the future.
I'm married now almost 20 years and the in-law dynamic hasn't changed all that much.
However, we moved 3000 miles away right after we got married so our actual time with my in-laws is minimal. BUT...my wife (who is somewhat in a similar position with her family as you husband is with his) has said on more than a couple occasions that if we lived closer she'd have a harder time not getting sucked in to her family drama. SHe's VERY grateful for the 3000 miles. Not sure how far you live from the in-laws but something to consider...blood runs deep, even when it looks like it doesn't. People age, kids pop out, things start to differently and bonds start to re-apppear.
So I started a thread in the 'Wedding' section of this board about destination weddings, simply asking if anyone's done it & their experiences, however, the posters over there pretty much kept saying over & over that no guests are going to pay to come to only be there a day or so.
I remember that post. You stated you wanted no one there except your mothers, and then only for a couple hours.
I'm a mother, and I'd rather you two go on and go, than expect me to spend a ton of money to go to Hawaii for an hour-long service (if that), and then have nothing to do with you afterwards. That's not how a Destination Wedding works.
You two go on your Hawaiian wedding and elope. Nothing wrong with that.
I never want to see his loser, materialistic, stealing, whining, narcisisstic, don't have a pot to in, adulterous, IRS-tax-evading, no-moral, degrading, sexist, crass, disrespectful, abusive, fake, swindling, cheap, entitled, woman-chasing, spineless, waste of space, not worth the $#!t on my shoe, hopeless, attention-craving, idiotic, dumbest but thinks he's smartest, disingenuine, sociopathic, sadistic, evil ass ever again. I last saw him for Christmas in probably 2004...I don't even remember. I think that pretty much sums him up, but I could write a book.
Maybe you should (if it would be cathartic for you), because this anger at someone not even in your life is more than a little concerning.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-14-2017 at 02:58 PM..
I'm not really asking for advice, just telling how things are & if you want to input anything, feel free.
So the back story as briefly as possible:
Fiance's mom - Early 60s, weakest, no backbone woman you'll ever know. Definitely NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer. Stayed w/ loser, cheating, narcissistic, controlling (& much more) dad for 24 yrs too long...the amt of time they were married before she finally got fed up. Enables her other adult kids' horrible behaviors. Will take everyone else's side over my fiance's because she favors them over him. Treats my fiance' like the adopted child. Only calls him when she wants errands done, which he finally refused to do anymore.
My fiance' is the black sheep of his fam, but in a VERY GOOD way. He's absolutely nothing like any of them. They screw up & have $h!tty lives, but because there's more of them than my him, they blow over their behaviors & front like they're doing fabulously.
I've known my fiance's mom for 19 yrs, but we don't know ea other well due to me not being around much due to how her fam's treated me (ignore me like the wallpaper the rare get-togethers I am there). I have great qualities that any mother would be proud to have dating their son (not to toot my own horn).
Well, about a yr ago, my fiance's always-been ultraModerator cut: bleep sis did something that was the last straw to HIM, so he sat her & their mom down to discuss it. During the convo, his (alcoholic, druggie, low-class, two-faced) sis, who's less familiar w/ me than their mom, says about ME that she's "not here for the hand-holding" when my fiance' confronted her about why she's not nicer to me the rare times I come over for get-togethers. The equally worse part is, their mom sat right there when she said this & didn't say squat. That got my fiance' furious & he yelled at his sis & is very hurt my his mom.
I'll stay nice to future MIL, but I could care less about his 3 siblings as they don't care about me because they're narcissistic, ZERO-moraled, a-holes who only care about their immediate friends & use others who they can benefit from. I guess I'll still get her a little gift during Christmastimes like I've been doing.
I'm sure there's many of you guys who don't care for your in-laws either.
You can't pick your family and you can't change the past so do the best you can. Do not say a bad thing to him about any of them. They are his family like it or not and he may someday want to have a relationship with them. I really hate when someone marries and thinks that they can just cut their SO off from their past. It rarely works and some day he could look back and blame you for the situation. Be very nice to his mother. You do not know exactly what she has been through in her life or why she does the things she did. And you should not judge her either, particularly to him. Just be grateful he sees his family's flaws and is trying to go down a different path and taking you with him. Jay
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-14-2017 at 03:30 PM..
To answer some of your questions from the top of page 2...
My fiance' has been staying away more often starting the last few mos.
To say as briefly as possible, MY own relationship w/ my own family is outstanding! I'm an only child, but know the value of hard work ethic & higher education & appreciate everything I have. My parents weren't rich, but sacrificed to give me piano lessons, take me on summer vacations, learn to appreciate the arts (ice shows, pro tennis events, musicals, ballet, private schools), I have fabulous childhood memories, etc. MY dad was an Army sergeant who served in the Korean war, who worked hard for my mom & I. He'd give me the last $1 in his wallet...,total opposite of my fiance's dad. Sadly, my dad passed away at age 87, 2 yrs ago. My parents had been married for 43 yrs (when he passed).
Robino1 & convextech, great, glad you understand! And re: the "standard English" bit by the other poster, I don't know exactly what that person meant, I sure hope it's fine. I have 2 Masters degrees, ha! (not to seem pompous at all). On discussion boards, I may abbreviate words to shorten the length of a long post. Yes, there might be a spelling error here or there due to typing fast, not because I don't know how to spell it. This isn't some graduate level thesis I'm writing here!
And you couldn't pay my fiance' nor myself to see his dad's mug.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT
...I really hate when someone marries and thinks that they can just cut their SO off from their past...
Who said I'm trying to cut him off from family? He wants to do that all on his own w/ certain members. Did you or did you not see the part I said about how I'll still give her Christmas gifts & how every interaction I've had w/ his mom has been pleasant.Moderator cut: bleep
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-14-2017 at 03:33 PM..
We must be reading different posts because I didn't see her as being "so angry" at them lol
Let's see:
loser, materialistic, stealing, whining, narcisisstic, don't have a pot to p!$$ in, adulterous, IRS-tax-evading, no-moral, degrading, sexist, crass, disrespectful, abusive, fake, swindling, cheap, entitled, woman-chasing, spineless, waste of space, not worth the $#!t on my shoe, hopeless, attention-craving, idiotic, dumbest but thinks he's smartest, disingenuine, sociopathic, sadistic, evil ass . . . weakest, no backbone woman you'll ever know. Definitely NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer. Stayed w/ loser, cheating, narcissistic, controlling (& much more) . . . They screw up & have $h!tty lives, they blow over their behaviors & front like they're doing fabulously. . . . ignore me like the wallpaper . . . ultra b!#¢hy sis . . . his (alcoholic, druggie, low-class, two-faced) sis . . . they're narcissistic, ZERO-moraled, a-holes who only care about their immediate friends & use others who they can benefit from
Where I come from, these are not the words a person uses to describe people that they feel friendly towards.
dblackga, I can be perfectly calm & say words like that. Those are just descriptive words/adjectives, which are all completely true. So what, move on.
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It's hard for some people to read sarcasm or get the spirit of a post but tend to take the literal route when reading. 
And re: the "standard English" bit by the other poster, I don't know exactly what that person meant, I sure hope it's fine. I have 2 Masters degrees, ha! (not to seem pompous at all). 
