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I've never smoked, aside from the sixties, when I had a few joints, but marijuana was practically mandatory back then.
Smoking in bars never fazed me that much, if I felt like grabbing a few vodkas, that was part of the price I paid, although I definitely resented the fact that my clothes stank when I got in from a bar, or my pillow did too, from where it had all got into my hair, or if I 'got lucky', I'd sometimes wake up with my nose stuck in a non smoking woman's hair that had the stench of other people's cigarette smoke in it.
When the laws changed re smoking in the U.K. it was great to not smell of smoke when I got home, and as a licenced London taxi driver, I could legally stop people from lighting up in my cab.
So I'd appreciate some opinions on this.
I'm married now, and save for a niece and a nephew, not siblings, no one in our family smokes, but my wife has always allowed the niece and nephew to slide open the patio balcony door, step out, and smoke on our wide first floor balcony, this is what I think is the second floor to Americans.
To us, the one at ground level is the ground floor, go up to the next floor, and that's the first floor in the U.K.
My wife bought a special ashtray, which is filled almost to the top with water, this soon has butts floating on it, and the kids flick their ash over the railing into the garden below.
If the ashtray is out on the balcony table for more than 7 or 8 days, it begins to smell bad, so I empty the water into the kitchen sink, then scrape up the butts and put them in the garbage, this causes my hands to stink of stale tobacco, and I have to seriously scrub them to remove the smell.
I am thinking of laying down the law and saying, NO ONE SMOKES HERE, PERIOD!, but as the nephew is her brother's son-in-law, and the niece is her brother's daughter-in-law, I just KNOW she won't be happy to agree with me.
Would you bite the bullet, and allow smoking to continue, or put your foot down, knowing that it means WW3?
I think allowing them to smoke outside is okay but it's both your house (and your wife's) so it's a personal decision. Why can't they empty the ashtray just before they leave? I can't figure out why there is a swimming pool of water in an ashtray. Why can't you put it in a plastic bag instead of complaining that your hands smell so bad after using your hands to scrape it out?
I do not allow people to smoke inside my house. Out on the front porch or carport patio is fine with me. I would think to save a vegetable can and removing the label adding a little kitty litter in the bottom and as soon as they leave bag it up to go to the trash. Or nicely ask them to take care of cleaning up after them selves and their butts. I put a coffee can in my patio for my smoking friends and glass ashtrays. They dumped them with out being asked. I took them to the lawn and hosed them out after they left.
I think allowing them to smoke outside is okay but it's both your house (and your wife's) so it's a personal decision. Why can't they empty the ashtray just before they leave? I can't figure out why there is a swimming pool of water in an ashtray. Why can't you put it in a plastic bag instead of complaining that your hands smell so bad after using your hands to scrape it out?
I appreciate that you make a great deal of sense Flamingo, and it's not easy to describe the ashtray, and how it works, if I can figure out how to put a shot of it on here I'll do so.
To empty the butts out, the only way of doing it is to pour the water into the sink, butts come out with the water, then scrape the filter tips and bits of tobacco up with your hands.
If a regular ashtray was put on the balcony table, the ash would blow everywhere, this water one is similar to an urn, it has an aperture on top, to drop the butts in, these then go into the water.
To suggest that they empty the ashtray before they leave, while sounding like a plan to you and I, would be interpreted by my wife as tantamount to asking them to scrape their own food left overs into the garbage, as hosts, she'd consider that to be our job.
F what your wife will think, have her fix the problem, since it is her relatives, or do it yourself.
If anyone has hard feelings to the rules in your home, that is their problem. I am sure you flush the toilet after you use it, and you wont spit in a cup, and leave it lying around. These are cigarette smoking aged adults, leaving trash behind, and you should not be cleaning up behind them.
Your home, your rules, you permit what you want.
The wife and you should support each other , and not let outsiders cause friction. Those smokers are outsiders not your kids, and should know better.
put up a sign,,,,print it off from the internet....
that gets your message across "designated smoking area., please put out and throw away your own butts"
something along those lines
or
put a coffee can out there with some sand in it.....then just put the lid on and throw out
Long ago when I briefly smoked, it was always outside, and we would use an empty beer can to put our butts in. It was easily disposed of at the end of the night.
A water ashtray sounds like a nightmare. If your wife absolutely wants to allow them to smoke, I would suggest a plain old fashioned ashtray, with sand (as another poster mentioned). At the end of the night, the ashtray gets dumped into the garbage before it's taken out.
F what your wife will think, have her fix the problem, since it is her relatives, or do it yourself.
If anyone has hard feelings to the rules in your home, that is their problem. I am sure you flush the toilet after you use it, and you wont spit in a cup, and leave it lying around. These are cigarette smoking aged adults, leaving trash behind, and you should not be cleaning up behind them.
Your home, your rules, you permit what you want.
The wife and you should support each other , and not let outsiders cause friction. Those smokers are outsiders not your kids, and should know better.
You are the one that should show them the lesson.
I'm gonna largely echo this sentiment. I don't believe you should simply F what your wife thinks. You should listen and consider it. But otherwise, I think kap is right. It's your house; you make the decisions and you set the rules. If your wife is insistent on wanting to allow your guests to smoke, then she cleans the ashtray as soon as they leave. Problem solved.
But honestly, if such a trivial issue threatens to cause "WW3" in your house, you've got bigger problems than a couple of kids smoking on your balcony.
Another vote for no water ashtray. Sand works much better and then it can simply be thrown out eithiut creating such odors. A water ashtray just creates a stinky tobacco soup.
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