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Unfortunately, I know someone just like this. My sister. It wasn't "revealed" to me, I had to learn the hard way. (I did not know my sister while growing up. I only met her when we were both adults. I didn't have the history to know that she was like this.)
I had never been around someone like that in my life. I was completely thrown off guard. Self-fulfilling prophecy is right. She tried to blame her attitude on something else when I would call her on it, but it was a lie.
It's one of the most frustrating behaviors to try to figure out because if you don't know what is going on, nothing makes any sense at all. Do what they want, you're the best thing on earth, don't do what they want...passive aggressive hell to pay.
It's a game. It's the "prove to me that you like me...constantly", and if you fail to "prove it" to them in their way, because they are so unbelievably insecure, they will go to great lengths to show you just how much they are angry with you, and boy do they try to "punish" you for it. They get downright mean and vindictive but have this way of doing it so that to anyone else, they look innocent.
And they always have excuses. Always.
If you ever run in to someone like this, I don't care who they are to you, get away from them as fast as you can. They will drain you, take everything that they can from you, money included, and then ***** on you by talking to everyone else you may ever come in contact with who knows them to build their story, very early in to it, so that you come out looking like the bad guy.
What really happens is that they end up alone, bitter, angry, stating that once again they were victimized, and you're standing there blinking increduously asking: "WTH just happened?"
This is exactly what I'm talking about. And in your case it was taken to the extreme of the person (your sister) wanting to take whatever she could from you, as "payback". These people see themselves as forever victims and others are ALWAYS the bad guy. And yes, they will spin any story to make you look like the jerk when it is clearly them! The other thing I've noticed is they personalize everything so that they always have something to complain about. Even the most neutral, well-meaning actions on your part will be flipped to paint you as the victimizer.
I used to live next to a girl in college who was an absolute 10. There was nothing at all about her that wasn't drop dead gorgeous, right down to her teeth and hair and voice and feet.
She was capable, smart, and aloof. And curt, actually, quite often.
Yeah, I think people who are quite ordinary or kinda weird-looking often learn to make nice. Hence the "she's got a great personality" cliche.
I have a few childhood friends and cousins who were stunners in their youth, but whose looks haven't held up with age, and it's been sort of a rude awakening for them, I think, having to readjust their expectations about how the world will react to them.
Actually I'd like to get opinions on this particular situation. There is a woman in my office who kind of fancies herself the "queen bee". When I started this job, she literally came up to me one day, got in my FACE and said something like "What are YOU laughing at?!" Meanwhile, I wasn't laughing at anything to do with her and I wasn't even looking in her direction. It was extremely aggressive on her part. I calmly and unemotionally looked her in the eye and said, "I'm laughing at X". She then realized she wasn't going to get a reaction out of me, and she turned around and walked away.
Now, I have never been anything but pleasant to this woman, but ever since that day she acts like acknowledging me would kill her. She never confronts me but takes any opportunity to she can to act like I don't exist. If I'm sitting with people at lunch, she will look at everyone BUT me.
So, what is this? Jealousy? I never did anything to her and I have never been unpleasant.
That is a fair assumption. But in my experience that's not the case. What I have been told is that because I'm attractive and assertive, people assume I'm mean before actually getting to know me. I had one guy tell me that I reminded him of the "mean girls" in high school that rejected him and made his life hell, so before he knew me he assumed I was like that and was therefore really nasty to me. Once he got to know me he realized I wasn't like that and we finally became friends.
So it's like an automatic conclusion that many people seem to jump to about "how I am", before getting to know me.
I've only had it happen once...the quieter I grew, the more he smothered me. But I am able to make myself, pretty much unapproachable if need be, and I'm thinking that is how your aura is as well.
If I don't care for someone, I offer them no open door.
And as another poster said, it doesn't bother her if people don't like her, me either.
regarding this woman at work you've had problems with, yes, it probably is a combination of jealousy and lack of confidence. She reacted to what she thought you were doing in a very immature way and when you proved to her that you weren't engaged in laughing at her, she was probably embarrassed, especially if others heard her? She sounds very insecure.
Actually I'd like to get opinions on this particular situation. There is a woman in my office who kind of fancies herself the "queen bee". When I started this job, she literally came up to me one day, got in my FACE and said something like "What are YOU laughing at?!" Meanwhile, I wasn't laughing at anything to do with her and I wasn't even looking in her direction. It was extremely aggressive on her part. I calmly and unemotionally looked her in the eye and said, "I'm laughing at X". She then realized she wasn't going to get a reaction out of me, and she turned around and walked away.
Now, I have never been anything but pleasant to this woman, but ever since that day she acts like acknowledging me would kill her. She never confronts me but takes any opportunity to she can to act like I don't exist. If I'm sitting with people at lunch, she will look at everyone BUT me.
So, what is this? Jealousy? I never did anything to her and I have never been unpleasant.
I'm assuming you get along with most people you work with right? The Queen Bee saw you as an automatic threat, would be my opinion.
She pointedly ignores you because she's trying to send the message that you don't count and easily ignorable.
It's childish behavior on her part, and likely, you're NOT the only one who notices. Think of it this way...she REALLY thinks you're formidable and intimidating.
Actually I'd like to get opinions on this particular situation. There is a woman in my office who kind of fancies herself the "queen bee". When I started this job, she literally came up to me one day, got in my FACE and said something like "What are YOU laughing at?!" Meanwhile, I wasn't laughing at anything to do with her and I wasn't even looking in her direction. It was extremely aggressive on her part. I calmly and unemotionally looked her in the eye and said, "I'm laughing at X". She then realized she wasn't going to get a reaction out of me, and she turned around and walked away. .
Yes, make no mistake, this was an attempt by her to bully or dominate you.
I'm assuming you get along with most people you work with right? The Queen Bee saw you as an automatic threat, would be my opinion.
She pointedly ignores you because she's trying to send the message that you don't count and easily ignorable.
It's childish behavior on her part, and likely, you're NOT the only one who notices. Think of it this way...she REALLY thinks you're formidable and intimidating.
Yes. I tend to get along well with others and I am generally liked. It always baffles me when certain people choose to alienate me in this way rather than taking the chance to get to know me.
Yes, make no mistake, this was an attempt by her to bully or dominate you.
I was guessing as much but I could not fathom why a grown woman would resort to that. Especially with me being so new, and having done literally nothing to her.
Yes. I tend to get along well with others and I am generally liked. It always baffles me when certain people choose to alienate me in this way rather than taking the chance to get to know me.
Yes see that's the ticket the woman knows that she's well-liked and that's what is not only intimidating her but driving her nuts she acts like a bully to get attention unfortunately she doesn't realize it's negative attention from everyone and she probably senses that she isn't like
Yes see that's the ticket the woman knows that she's well-liked and that's what is not only intimidating her but driving her nuts she acts like a bully to get attention unfortunately she doesn't realize it's negative attention from everyone and she probably senses that she isn't like
I think you're right, and also I would say that she's just not comfortable in her skin. Everything is a show and it always involves putting people down. I've even seen her do it to her own boss. It's just not authentic and it's not sustainable. I think it also may have bugged her that I dealt with her so calmly. Her attempt at domination didn't work, so now she's trying to erase me.
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