Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Man suck it up and move on. She doesn't care and isn't losing sleep. She will be back and you will give in. Of course there's the question all the guys are thinking.....
In her defense, her mom was going through a life threatening disease(which is not a lie), but all you need to do is look at her newsfeed to realize that she had no trouble spending time with other friends during this time. It's not that she couldn't meet me, it's that i felt like i had no importance to her whatsoever during this time. I felt utterly used and betrayed.
I would like your opinion on this. Thanks
My opinion? Cut her some slack about the time that she was dealing with her mother's illness.
My father became very ill last fall. He was in either the hospital, skilled nursing, or hospice from July until his passing in November. During that time, one of my best friends was going through the breakup of her marriage. As much as I wanted to be there for her, I had no emotional energy to spare. I couldn't take on the role of supporting her when I was bearly holding it together myself. Now, if you had looked at my Facebook during that time, you might have seen me going out for dinner or drinks with friends. It's not because I was "having time" or blowing off my needy friend. I simply needed to decompress and had friends who made certain that I took time to blow off some steam. They knew that if I didn't get out on occasion, even for an hour or two, and try to enjoy the company of friends, I would have fallen apart. When you're dealing with a terminally ill parent, it's just as important to care for yourself as it is to care for them.
I think you did the right thing, and I'm sorry she wasn't there for you.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Both my parents had lifelong friends. Even though their lives took different paths through the years, they always stayed in touch. My mother wasn't always very nice to her friends but they stuck around.
That's an interesting point.
My parents had long-term, not lifelong, friends. But then I grew up in a small town where you knew your neighbors.
Quote:
People now (I'm speaking in generalities) don't seem to want to put in the effort to maintain friendships. Instead, for example, they get married while their friend is single, it's an excuse to drift away. One becomes a parent, the other doesn't---time to drift away.
I've been there and it's not that simple.
We were friends with a couple who started having children late in life, comparatively speaking. She was over 40 when they had their first. We all wanted to stay friends so we desperately tried to make it work. It just didn't. We'd go to dinner with them and they'd bring the baby, which was OK, but they were first-time parents and constantly fussing over the baby. We couldn't get a word in edgewise.
We were invited to a picnic at their place but we were the only non-parents there. Everyone wanted to talk about their kids and only about their kids.
Hi everyone! I had a platonic female friend for almost 10 years. We basically grew up together from our teenage years. We shared almost everything.
Whenever she was going through trouble, i was her go to person for advice and consolation. When she needed to vent about her relationships, family and even when she needed career, life advice and help with college homework!
About a year ago i noticed that she talked to me less and less, whenever she did, it was because she needed help with something, not because she wanted to see if i was okay.
Whenever she wanted to hangout, it was because she needed something from me. When i suggested hanging out she was always busy. Which i was okay with at the time, because i know that people change, and dynamics change.
So last month i went through a terrible break up, there's this thing about guy friends that you just can't talk to them about something like a break up. They would either ask you to man up or just laugh at you for crying over something so "trivial"
So i reached out to my friend, the first three times she was busy. I asked for a fourth time and she agreed to meet, but it never happened. A month went by, not only did she not meet, she didn't drop me a single message to see how i was doing. Now this is a girl i have helped through countless breakups.
I was disappointed that the friend that i gave so much for, i needed something from her for once, and she couldn't give it to me.
So i had a conversation with her, and let her know that we can no longer be friends. In her defense, her mom was going through a life threatening disease(which is not a lie), but all you need to do is look at her newsfeed to realize that she had no trouble spending time with other friends during this time. It's not that she couldn't meet me, it's that i felt like i had no importance to her whatsoever during this time. I felt utterly used and betrayed.
I would like your opinion on this. Thanks
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude
You have to do what you think is best in these situations. Are you getting anything out of the friendship? Is dealing with this person upsetting for you? If the answers to these two questions are "no" and "yes" (respectively), maybe it's time to move on.
I will tell you that, personally, I have ended friendships if I felt the person is being disrespectful towards me and/or if I see the friendship is only one-sided.
I agree that gut instincts are best. Though as one of my friends (with whom I have some issues) said "the oldest friends are the best friends."
We used to call people like that 'emotional vampires'.
It is a heavy, but noble, burden being someone's emotional crutch. If they can't return the favor, and then accuse you of being insensitive because of her mother's illness (while she was socializing with others), then she is pathologically self-centered.
One of the problems I have with Non-Romantic Relationships is the number of snide comments such as that. I opened a thread or two seeking advice and because of those I was sorry I did.
I'm a really loyal person so it's hard for me to break off friendships. But if I finally see that my loyalty isn't returned when I need it most then it's time - too much of my own energy tied up in someone who doesn't appreciate me enough to help in one of the few times I reach out. It hits even harder when you in general value true friendships so highly, but you really needed to do it. You can find better friends.
One of the problems I have with Non-Romantic Relationships is the number of snide comments such as that. I opened a thread or two seeking advice and because of those I was sorry I did.
Not a snide remark it's just life experience. Why be all bent out of shape with anyone who basically isn't losing any sleep over the situation? Life is too short. No one can control how another person should act or feel per our expectations. So the only option is to move on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
