Sibling visits after marriage and kids. (wife, siblings, person, children)
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My brother and I used to be really close, until he got married and had kids. We used to live in the same city about an hour apart, and he never came to visit me after this. I always came up to him (he always invited me). I guess he used kids and marriage as an excuse. (I think his wife doesn't care for me and had more to do with it than anything).
Now I moved to a new city 3 hours away and we never see each other anymore. I don't see him ever coming down due to the kids and wife excuse, yet my other friends and family who are married or have kids always manage to get away from the wife and kids and visit me. I mean when I get married and have kids and use the same excuse we would only see each other a few times a year during the holidays. But I guess if I got the house and kids he could come down with his family and stay at my house for the weekend and things would be different?
Is this typical after marriage and kids? As in a sibling not leaving them for a 24-48 hour time period to hang out with a sibling? Does all this sound right?
My brother and I used to be really close, until he got married and had kids. We used to live in the same city about an hour apart, and he never came to visit me after this. I always came up to him (he always invited me). I guess he used kids and marriage as an excuse. (I think his wife doesn't care for me and had more to do with it than anything).
Now I moved to a new city 3 hours away and we never see each other anymore. I don't see him ever coming down due to the kids and wife excuse, yet my other friends and family who are married or have kids always manage to get away from the wife and kids and visit me. I mean when I get married and have kids and use the same excuse we would only see each other a few times a year during the holidays. But I guess if I got the house and kids he could come down with his family and stay at my house for the weekend and things would be different?
Is this typical after marriage and kids? As in a sibling not leaving them for a 24-48 hour time period to hang out with a sibling? Does all this sound right?
How old are the kids? It is hard to travel with young kids, and to stay at a house that is not child-proof. It is also hard to get away alone and leave the other parent. Young kids are very needy. For those reasons, I don't think it is an excuse.
Has the idea of you going to visit him been discussed? I know in my family, those without kids have a hard time understanding why the single person is sometimes expected to travel more than the young families.
Life changes after getting married and really changes after the kids come. It's not that he doesn't love you or not want to see you but he has a family that is now the main priority for his time.
Life changes after getting married and really changes after the kids come. It's not that he doesn't love you or not want to see you but he has a family that is now the main priority for his time.
I understand, but is an overnight stay and trip asking too much? Is a 4 hour time period too much? Like I said, I have friends with kids and we still at least hang out outside of their home while the wife watches with the kids for a short time. We will meet up or they will visit my area without the family.
And like I said, when I have kids his would mean we would never see each other.
How old are the kids? It is hard to travel with young kids, and to stay at a house that is not child-proof. It is also hard to get away alone and leave the other parent. Young kids are very needy. For those reasons, I don't think it is an excuse.
Has the idea of you going to visit him been discussed? I know in my family, those without kids have a hard time understanding why the single person is sometimes expected to travel more than the young families.
When some of us siblings had young children and some of us did not it almost always the childless sibling that did the traveling.
Why don't you go and visit him and play cool auntie with the kids. My SIL used to visit all the time when my son was little and to this day they are close and he just adores his Aunt.
Why can't you go see him? You say when you get married and have kids then you'll never see him. Well, apparently you ARENT married or have kids. Whats your excuse for not going to see him?
I don't think it is very common for a married man with kids to leave them for a night or two and spend the night with a sibling. It is more common for the whole family to visit and either stay at the sibling's house or get a hotel. The more effort you make to visit them and get to know his family, the more likely you are to see them.
most family units travel in a group. it is now one unit, him and his. GEt up with the technology, and do the video chat thing, with all of them, it could be fun. You need to know, that old relationship is old. You guys have a new relationship now.
family dynamics, and trying to fit in his own personal down tome is not easy.
Why can't you go see him? You say when you get married and have kids then you'll never see him. Well, apparently you ARENT married or have kids. Whats your excuse for not going to see him?
I do and did go see him as I said in my post! That doesn't change my question.
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