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OP, it's really common for sibs with children not to visit each other in person, unless they are in the same neighborhood or only a short distance away, and you mentioned that your brother's wife didn't seem to like you, so it's entirely possible that she raises a stink when your brother mentions visiting you, so "Happy Wife, Happy Life" might apply in this case.
I know that's unfair, but that's how it goes in a lot of marriages.
I agree with WorldKlas: just try to play cool auntie on occasion and get on with your own life. If you have a lot going on, you won't miss your brother as much.
Really? So this is how it normally is? You basically lose your relationship outside occasional phone and text? Like I said. I have friends with kids and we do things all the time without the wife and kids involved. How can they make it work and not my brother and wife? I'm thinking some of the female posters on here are like my SIL, a little controlling and don't want their men doing things without them, so they are obviously being unreasonable and taking sides.
It really depends on the family and the kids. Many of my friends who have multiple kids have their kids in activities on weekends. One parent may take one kid to one activity and the other may take the other kid(s) to a different activity. Usually planning for them for any away trip is months in advance because they have to make sure that weekend is free and childcare is set up. It simply isn't fair to a spouse to say "Hey I'm going to my sibling's/friend's house next weekend, just deal with the kids with no advance planning, okay?"
If a friend is 10 minutes down the road, maybe you can do something that is quick and easy for an hour or two. That's al o lot easier than doing something for 24 hours or 48 hours. It also depends on the availability of other family members to help out. If your brother moved 3 hours away, I am guessing he might not have grandparents or aunts/uncles willing and able to help out. Babysitting is expensive. Some grandparents don't really have the inclination or desire to help out that often even if they are available. Just because you have a friend who is available doesn't mean your brother is going to be
So for the third time, what happens after both siblings have kids and marriage and live 3 hours apart?
Obviously, it depends on the people involved. There is no one answer. Care to answer my previous questions?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
How old are the kids? It is hard to travel with young kids, and to stay at a house that is not child-proof. It is also hard to get away alone and leave the other parent. Young kids are very needy. For those reasons, I don't think it is an excuse.
Has the idea of you going to visit him been discussed? I know in my family, those without kids have a hard time understanding why the single person is sometimes expected to travel more than the young families.
I will add that when I say I've seen this in my family, I'm including myself as a childless person, not understanding why my SIL couldn't or wouldn't drop everything and go out for a drink when she visited. After I had kids, I got it. Then I watched another family member become very upset and offended that she wasn't a higher priority once her siblings got married and had kids. She still doesn't get it.
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Berteau - you don't mention anything at all about wanting or having a relationship with your nieces and nephews. That's kind of unusual - usually, the single uncle becomes a favorite because he has more time for the kids, and more energy as he isn't distracted by his own wife and kids.
In my world, it would be expected that you would be welcome to come visit as often as you wanted, and you'd be greeted with open arms and squeals of delight from the kids.
Do you foster a relationship with the kids at all? That's the key.
And when siblings all are married with kids, they all get together and love watching the little cousins get to know each other and form memories. Adults don't often pull each other off and ignore their relationship to the little ones.
It really depends on the family and the kids. Many of my friends who have multiple kids have their kids in activities on weekends. One parent may take one kid to one activity and the other may take the other kid(s) to a different activity. Usually planning for them for any away trip is months in advance because they have to make sure that weekend is free and childcare is set up. It simply isn't fair to a spouse to say "Hey I'm going to my sibling's/friend's house next weekend, just deal with the kids with no advance planning, okay?"
If a friend is 10 minutes down the road, maybe you can do something that is quick and easy for an hour or two. That's al o lot easier than doing something for 24 hours or 48 hours. It also depends on the availability of other family members to help out. If your brother moved 3 hours away, I am guessing he might not have grandparents or aunts/uncles willing and able to help out. Babysitting is expensive. Some grandparents don't really have the inclination or desire to help out that often even if they are available. Just because you have a friend who is available doesn't mean your brother is going to be
I just moved three hours away. The past 3 years I was an hour away. And all his wife's family is right there. Both sides with a mother in law who is retired. And again, going to extremes with extreme examples I did not give. "With no advanced planning". Where did I say that?!
Obviously, it depends on the people involved. There is no one answer. Care to answer my previous questions?
I will add that when I say I've seen this in my family, I'm including myself as a childless person, not understanding why my SIL couldn't or wouldn't drop everything and go out for a drink when she visited. After I had kids, I got it. Then I watched another family member become very upset and offended that she wasn't a higher priority once her siblings got married and had kids. She still doesn't get it.
As a general life rule, a person will make time for something if they feel it's important enough.
agree 100 %!!!
Not at all selfish to compromise and work out a time to meet up!
I had two kids and not once used the HEY pal, YOU COME TO ME, I am NOT coming to YOU! that is obstinance at its finest! I had friends come visit via bus trips or I traveled with kids galore to spend weekends camping with friends or family. It was NEVER an inconvenience to COMPROMISE or accommodate those who I endeared.
Berteau - you don't mention anything at all about wanting or having a relationship with your nieces and nephews. That's kind of unusual - usually, the single uncle becomes a favorite because he has more time for the kids, and more energy as he isn't distracted by his own wife and kids.
This is odd, especially since he said the kids are one and two--they're just babies. It's exciting to have little ones in the family, and with kids that age of course the brother's not going to be as available for road trips. There's so much gear involved in just running an errand with toddlers, let alone a whole trip--that's why it's much easier for people to go to them.
So for the third time, what happens after both siblings have kids and marriage and live 3 hours apart?
What happens if one sibling has kids and marriage and one sibling is a Martian? Because from your recent posts, you have as much chance of being married and having kids as you do in being a Martian.
What you posted yesterday:
I'm now 35 and realize I've never loved a girl or person. I've had 3 girls want to marry me, yet I felt nothing for them. I don't ever miss anyone. I don't think about family or friends or miss them. Sometimes I wonder if my parents or brother died if I would cry or it would really affect me. Growing up my dad was always working and not around that much. I never thought about it or cared. It sounds sad I know!! I wonder if there is something seriously wrong and abnormal about this! At the same time, I have a lot of empathy for people.
So whats the point of this thread if you dont miss your family. Maybe your brother knows how you feel, and he just doesnt care to make the 6 hour round trip to see you.
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