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We have a friend (single and in his 40s) who we offered to take out to a restaurant for his birthday. Instead of saying "sure I would love to go" or "no, I have other plans, but thank you" the individual responded by inviting himself over to our home to drink and eat.
We replied by saying we were happy to take him out as offered or could have him over another time, but his birthday falls in the middle of a busy work period and we just don't have the capacity to entertain at home during this time. He has still not said yes or no to a restaurant dinner.
Is it me, or is it really rude to respond to an invite with a counter offer?
We have a friend (single and in his 40s) who we offered to take out to a restaurant for his birthday. Instead of saying "sure I would love to go" or "no, I have other plans, but thank you" the individual responded by inviting himself over to our home to drink and eat.
We replied by saying we were happy to take him out as offered or could have him over another time, but his birthday falls in the middle of a busy work period and we just don't have the capacity to entertain at home during this time. He has still not said yes or no to a restaurant dinner.
Is it me, or is it really rude to respond to an invite with a counter offer?
Yes. He wants what he wants. Surely he will not simply appear on his birthday? If he does, you have to choose to inform him that you aren't available, or decide to accommodate him. This friendship sounds exhausting.
Depends on how close a friend he is. It's his birthday.
You could always limit the time he's there to the same amount of time you'd have spent going out.
Not super close but we see him pretty often. Often enough that he knows what is happening with us work-wise and why we aren't entertaining at that time.
You are right. Its his birthday. But he doesn't get to invade the home of busy people who have not invited him in. If he didn't like our offer to take him out a "thanks but no thanks" would have worked. I am not getting the place prepped for his drinking nor catering a meal for him at home.
Yes. He wants what he wants. Surely he will not simply appear on his birthday? If he does, you have to choose to inform him that you aren't available, or decide to accommodate him. This friendship sounds exhausting.
I doubt he would show up. If so, he wouldn't be coming in.
How do you have enough time to take him to a restaurant when you are *so busy* but do not have time to fix a meal at your home?
I don't cook. I would need to have food brought in-- I basically never fix meals at home. I would need to provide drinks. Get the place spotless, which means probably calling for out of cycle cleaning service. We will be in a work cycle that means we come home and pass out without doing housework. His birthday is during our "busy" time of year. Going to a restaurant for an hour or two is a sacrifice during this time as we will both be exhausted. But entertaining him at home is not on the table at all.
Personally, if I don't want to participate in an invited activity that is being hosted in my honor, I don't try to rework the activity to suit me. People have their reasons and if someone is kind enough to want to celebrate with me, I don't make them justify why they chose that method of celebration. If they say "what would you like to do? We can do anything!" that is different. We said "We would like to take you out to dinner for your birthday." Which seems pretty straightforward and specific.
Sounds like maybe he's trying to save you some money by offering to do it at your home rather than at a restaurant. Seems like he's being considerate to me.
Sounds like maybe he's trying to save you some money by offering to do it at your home rather than at a restaurant. Seems like he's being considerate to me.
I would think that, but he just talked to my mate and said that he wanted to go to the most expensive restaurant in town....as well as complained that we weren't going to have him over.
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