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Tell me - when/where is the "time and place"? How about in the living room before dinner?
Why would someone invite adults to their home and then put a clamp on what they can discuss (especially if the discussion remains civil)?
I don't want to go somewhere or be around a host who has discussion rules, as if I'm (and others) a child.
People with these silly rules come across as controlling, overly-sensitive, self-centered sore losers.
And ever since President Trump's been elected there's been much more of this nonsense of "No talking politics!" It's an immature, "crying sour grapes" move.
Sounds like a lot of people here are mad about that outcome of the last election. Either that or they're inviting people into their homes with a lack of emotional control.
Family dinners have NEVER been the time or place to discuss politics, religion, or sexual orientation/preference at my home. Don't like it? Don't attend! I don't see you on my guest list. Considering people ask months in advance when the next holiday and family dinner will be, no one seems to mind this rule.
This rule has NOTHING to do with who resides at the White House. It has nothing to with anyone's faith. It has nothing to do with who's sleeping with who. It has nothing to do with who wants to be a different gender than listed on their birth certificate. It has to do with being kind to all!
Feel free to discuss those topics any other time! Family dinner is not the time. I've been to family dinners in other homes where these discussions come up and the conversations are NEVER civil! Someone is always very upset and offended. It creates chaos for the remainder of the evening and usually carries over for quite some time.
I've also noticed that people who don't like this rule tend to be the ones who start the trouble. They also don't know when to shut up and move on to another topic.
Gotta love the poster above.....has no idea who I voted for! I've had this rule since I bought my first house and had my first family dinner in that house over 15 years ago. My husband and I come very different backgrounds and we wanted there to be peace at our family meals. This has worked for our family and friends for over 15 years so we must be doing something right!
I think every get together we have be it family or friends includes conversations on religion, politics etc. I mean we are adults who can agree to disagree, and not have the day degenerate into name calling for food throwing.
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I think every get together we have be it family or friends includes conversations on religion, politics etc. I mean we are adults who can agree to disagree, and not have the day degenerate into name calling for food throwing.
I agree. There were about 20 people at our Thanksgiving dinner. Several are life long Democrats and at least one is a very vocal Trump supporter, a couple of adults have large gun collections (both in quality of guns and size of guns) and several others are strongly opposed to guns, throw in several different religions and it is quite a mix of people. We had absolutely no trouble discussing a wide range of issues without any arguments or fights at all. I can't believe that our family and friends are that unusual.
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I spent a very festive Thanksgiving at the Outlaws. I used have other places I could go but theres no escape now. I don't have any kids and since my Mom passed away I have no family left.
The men all watch football and the women chat. Any place else I usually have no problem chatting. But here Ive learned that its not safe to chat. My only safe option is to sit quietly and listen to them talk and try to look interested. If you open your mouth you run the risk getting chewed out for having the wrong opinion. And I'm not talking politics or religion. And you have to keep on your toes cause what was once a safe subject is now taboo. So mostly you spend the whole day walking on eggshells waiting for the inevitable blown up when you slip up and open your yap. This year I made the mistake of saying I was enjoying the cooler temps and being able to wear long sleeves without sweating.
Also they only eat what they cook. They wont touch what I bring. But if I don't bring anything then I get a lecture about that. If I ask them what I should bring they say anything will be fine. So I just cook what I want and then I take most of iit home. This year I made warm Brussel Sprout Slaw with Bacon, Southern Corn, and Sweet Potato Casserole. And for dessert Pumpkin Angel Squares and German Chocolate Cake. I think its a power thing. Ive never had any complaints from anyone else. The Bil's usually scarf it down even though they get the stink eye.
By "day of pain" I mean having to be somewhere you don't want to be.
For me, it's my Chinese in-laws house. It's not that I dislike them, or that I'm unappreciative of the meal being prepared, it's just that they're so damn boring and uptight ... No discussion of current events or politics allowed and having to sit around all day with my shoes off makes me feel trapped, naked and controlled.
It's a female-dominated family, so the men are expected to sit and be quiet. Torture.
I just sit, make small talk about the weather and sports and tough it out.
Anybody else have family like this and how do you cope?
I don't allow discussion of politics at my gatherings, either. It's a day to be thankful, to reminisce, and to talk about lighthearted things. And we LOVE sports.
PS: Our Thanksgiving was great. Enjoy your family while they're still with you.
I think every get together we have be it family or friends includes conversations on religion, politics etc. I mean we are adults who can agree to disagree, and not have the day degenerate into name calling for food throwing.
You are one of the lucky ones then if this was the dynamic in your family. In my case, both my mother and former mother-in-law would become extremely upset if anyone disagreed with their VERY long one-sided monologues about religion and politics at holiday get togethers. Like I said in a previous post, my former mother-in-law would corner a hapless in-law guest-victim and LITERALLY talk AT or read AT them from a religious or health-vitamin book for HOURS. If the in-law victim tried to change the subject, excuse themself from the lecturing monologue, or disagree, she would often at some point start crying bitterly lamenting that if no one else gives a damn then why should she. My former father-in-law would then swoop in and guilt and cajole you into not getting upset with her citing that her parents never showed her any love or she is upset lately about aging, and if you could just be kind to her and listen. He would then happily trot back off with the rest of the family to play chess, watch tv, chat relieved she had someone to keep her occupied for the next few hours. I recall one holiday where my ex and I finally and firmly put our foot down with his mother, and we finally told her outright that he was an atheist and that I was more along the lines of Unitarian (many paths to God...Eckhart Tolle). We then began to attempt to discuss this explaining our individual viewpoints. She broke down crying, and then two of his sisters started crying telling how devastated they were that their beloved brother would be going to hell. My father in law just sat in the corner vigorously rubbing his head as if deeply upset, confounded, exhausted, and put out by all the trouble we had now caused on the holiday.
My own mother has been convinced since the late '70's when she began listening to 'The 700 Club' that the end times were imminent. By the '90's, this was mostly all she talked about. She thought the Clintons, Billdebergers, various banking families, the UN, and the Trilateral Commission were feverishly working behind the scenes to set up eventual work camps for Christians. So at holidays, this is ALL she talked about and if you DARED question or disagree with her, her face would turn beet red and she would explode in a rage with clenched fists pointing a bony finger in your face. On occasion, she threw food, stormed off to her room, or slammed a plate down. This went on for years and years where guests were held captive listening to her go on and on and on about HER religious and political beliefs. She too like my former MIL would pull out articles and books and read long highlighted sections to a guest. There was ZERO tolerance for anything but passively listening to her and agreeing with what she said. It was astonishing how both of these women had ZERO self awareness into their selfish, narcissistic behaviors of constantly and FREELY expressing their own opinions and views while not allowing others even a quarter inch to do the same. Really crazy.
I'm glad I divorced out of the family I had married into, and am relieved to live across country to not have to deal with the oppressive one sided lectures and monologues anymore. Thankfully as my mother has gotten older, she has mellowed a lot and stopped absolutely obsessing about the conspiring Bildebergers and end of times. She hardly talks about it now, thank god, but continues to lack any self-awareness or self-reflection that all of these things she feared and fervently predicted that would have had happened years ago never came to pass.
Like I said, how great that you have emotionally mature family members who can handle healthy dialogue and respectful expression of differing viewpoints. It must be nice to be able to engage in actual interesting, adult conversation at the holiday table without adult babies throwing a fit!
Nah. It's most definitely censorship. Sour grapes.
Sez you, who just joined C-D this month, has fewer than 20 posts thus far, and who was not present at either of the Thanksgiving dinners which I attended, and does not know me - or anyone else here, or for that matter, their/our friends and families, more than likely - at all.
My grapes are delicious. Not so sure about yours, sadly.
I think every get together we have be it family or friends includes conversations on religion, politics etc. I mean we are adults who can agree to disagree, and not have the day degenerate into name calling for food throwing.
Many people don't have the ability to disagree and be civil.
I spent a very festive Thanksgiving at the Outlaws. I used have other places I could go but theres no escape now. I don't have any kids and since my Mom passed away I have no family left.
The men all watch football and the women chat. Any place else I usually have no problem chatting. But here Ive learned that its not safe to chat. My only safe option is to sit quietly and listen to them talk and try to look interested. If you open your mouth you run the risk getting chewed out for having the wrong opinion. And I'm not talking politics or religion. And you have to keep on your toes cause what was once a safe subject is now taboo. So mostly you spend the whole day walking on eggshells waiting for the inevitable blown up when you slip up and open your yap. This year I made the mistake of saying I was enjoying the cooler temps and being able to wear long sleeves without sweating.
Also they only eat what they cook. They wont touch what I bring. But if I don't bring anything then I get a lecture about that. If I ask them what I should bring they say anything will be fine. So I just cook what I want and then I take most of iit home. This year I made warm Brussel Sprout Slaw with Bacon, Southern Corn, and Sweet Potato Casserole. And for dessert Pumpkin Angel Squares and German Chocolate Cake. I think its a power thing. Ive never had any complaints from anyone else. The Bil's usually scarf it down even though they get the stink eye.
Welcome to the in-law cootie club!
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