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If you are minors of course you can not go to her home while she is gone if that is her preference.
If you are all adults you can make your own plans that don't involve your aunts home, like a hotel and a restaurant. It's still her house, not her children's. Reasonable or not it's her house and her wishes should prevail.
Ok...everyone needs to calm down. No one knows the family dynamics here except for the OP. It’s all easy peasy to say “forget the aunt” or “it’s her problem” when obviously there are other feelings to consider like say, her husband (the blood relative), hence why the OP doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers. Yes, it is true that according to the story here, the Aunt needs to take a step back and not “control” the situation she will not even be a part of, but the OP obviously wants thread lightly and make HER intentions known and wants some rational advice, not knee jerk reactions.
Ok...everyone needs to calm down. No one knows the family dynamics here except for the OP. It’s all easy peasy to say “forget the aunt” or “it’s her problem” when obviously there are other feelings to consider like say, her husband (the blood relative), hence why the OP doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers. Yes, it is true that according to the story here, the Aunt needs to take a step back and not “control” the situation she will not even be a part of, but the OP obviously wants thread lightly and make HER intentions known and wants some rational advice, not knee jerk reactions.
I'm not seeing a lot of defcon 1 responses, just people saying the OP shouldn't kowtow to an unreasonable situation. Indulging this kind of behavior is what allows it to continue.
I always try to look at what the other person may have been trying to say. The aunt sounds busy, not necessarily controlling. If she is traveling at 4 am on the 27th, that means the day after Christmas she will probably be way too busy cleaning, packing and preparing for the trip and not have time to see the OP. She probably doesn't want to feel pressured or guilty about trying to fit everything in and wanted to make them aware. She may actually feel bad about it!
So OP, see if your cousins are still available. Hope you have a nice visit.
Just to clarify some of the details, my cousins are all married adults. However, typically my aunt (their mom) is the one who organizes our time together. I should also mention that up until a few years ago, we would stay with my aunt/uncle and the get-togethers would take place there as well. So it's likely that my aunt hasn't yet gotten out of the mindset that her presence is required for a family gathering to take place.
And because my aunt is usually the "organizer," we don't yet know if my cousins are available or expecting us, which is why we need to confer with them before booking a hotel, etc. I really don't think my aunt will be mad about this, but you never know.
I have an aunt (by marriage, not a blood relative) who seems to do everything by a set schedule. For example, if you tell her you want to visit them over the summer, she will tell you which weekend you're coming. And you'd better be free, because the rest of their summer is booked solid. And when you get there, she has your entire weekend agenda all mapped out. Stuff like that. Typically, I find this mildly amusing and it doesn't bother me.
Until now, that is. We usually go for a family visit right after Christmas, which includes my aunt, uncle, three cousins & spouses, and four little kids. We stay in a hotel and the get togethers are typically at one of the cousin's homes. This was to be a one-night trip on Dec. 26.
My aunt emails us this morning, stating that plans are off because she and my uncle are leaving town at 4 AM on the 27th. I'm more than a little annoyed at this. I mean, we're not going there to visit JUST YOU. Her plans, in reality, don't affect ours in any way. And I'd bet money that my cousins know nothing about this.
I'm tempted to contact my cousins privately and see if we're still welcome, though I suspect my aunt would be annoyed if I did. But why should I be denied a family visit because of this? If the cousins can't accommodate us, that's a whole different thing, but I rather doubt this is the case.
When you say 'plans are off' do you mean the general yearly plan, or plans had been made for this year?
If I'm reading this right, then the general intention for a family visit on the day after Christmas was already set, even though the specific arrangements hadn't been made yet. But then the aunt suddenly cancelled due to leaving early the next morning. If so, then the aunt knew about the family get-together, but chose to go somewhere else instead. There may well be a perfectly good explanation for this; maybe that's the only day she could get a flight for her once-in-a-lifetime journey back to the Old Country. Who knows. But regardless, her absence is on her.
If the aunt will be traumatized by missing the family gathering, it's on her to work with everyone to find an alternate date that works for everyone. If I were the OP, I would try to be as flexible as possible to accommodate her in this. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't visit his cousins anyway, if he so desires. I'm assuming that they must live within reasonable driving distance (the OP didn't mention anything about flights, just hotels), so it seems entirely reasonable to go ahead and visit them on the day after Christmas, and then go again on whatever weekend the aunt can arrange for everyone.
And if the aunt is upset for missing the post-Christmas get-together? Well, that's unfortunate. But that's her problem, not the OP's. She is the one who made other plans (and again, it may have been for a perfectly good reason, we don't know), so she is the one who has to live with her choices.
My aunt emails us this morning, stating that plans are off because she and my uncle are leaving town at 4 AM on the 27th.
Well, you're not staying with her, so who cares what she says?
I'd reply: "Sorry we'll miss you during our annual Christmas trip to see your side of the family. Maybe next year."
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