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Imo, many of you are showing how you can't handle when the posters don't follow your advice. There's some kind of mob mentality. What do you care about what he does? His wife, kids, sister, etc are no one to you. Get over it.
Because some of us who are already adults and who were raised back when common sense was much more common than it is today have no patience for the pampered prince/princess crap behavior that results from parenting styles similar to the OP's. Hard work and EARNING those extra little luxuries are concepts that seem to falling by the wayside these days, and the parents who instill those ideals in their children today are becoming few and far between.
The only reason why I went into so much trouble and embarrassment is because I need to stay true to my word for the sake of my kids becoming decent people who value promises. I didn't promise my youngest daughter anything, and everything she put on her Christmas Wish List is something beyond doable according to my budget so I'll just get her everything she wrote down.
I would like to specify, yet again, that the only reason why my daughter is getting this phone is because I made a promise for 3 years straight. If she'd asked for this phone at random this year without any prior discussion, I wouldn't have even considered buying it for her. It's not like it's exactly easy for me having to beg my younger sister for money, I definitely don't do it often and am not planning on doing it unless it's a real emergency.
Three years ago there wasn't a $1,000 iphone. You could have gotten her the 7 or the 6 and you would not have broken your promise.
Obviously a lot of us can see that your parenting skills are questionable. Now the younger daughter is getting everything on her wish list (which previously you couldn't afford). This is really messed up. Can you adopt me so I can get a $1,000 phone?
That because this is not actually about *the phone.* And you are being deliberately obtuse and refusing to get the fact that this has everything to do with family dynamics, as well as her behavior and attitude, finances, and the conflict he and his wife are having because they aren't presenting a united front as far as parenting goes - and he brought all of these facets of the scenario into the discussion.
I agree. Going against his wife's wishes to fulfill a promise to his daughter which he shouldn't have made in the first place because you can bet he didn't discuss that promise with his wife.
The only reason why I went into so much trouble and embarrassment is because I need to stay true to my word for the sake of my kids becoming decent people who value promises.
No, that is not what you are teaching them. You are teaching them that it's okay to make promises that you either can't keep or have no intention to keep, and go looking for someone else to bail you out. You made no personal sacrifice whatsover to keep your word. I can see where the sense of entitlement comes from.
I'm wondering what he told the sister. Did he say that the 1 grand was for a gift for Dani? Did he mention that Younger Sis was getting the shaft?
The sister is just as bad for agreeing. No way would I agree to this, especially considering that the younger sister was not getting the same amount of gifts.
The younger one - dysfunctional family dynamics appear to be turning her into an extreme self-sacrificing, self-defeating, people-pleasing young woman with low self esteem. She is self-sacrificing for all the wrong reasons - approval, acceptance, attention, etc.
This is particularly concerning. Youngest is learning that it is her responsibility to sacrifice to keep the peace in the family. This should not be a child's responsibility.
Additionally this does not bode well for the future relationship of these sisters.
The OP is willing to sacrifice quite a bit (non-materially) in order to save face. It's actually more self-serving than anything else.
Last edited by maciesmom; 12-20-2017 at 09:50 AM..
The only reason why I went into so much trouble and embarrassment is because I need to stay true to my word for the sake of my kids becoming decent people who value promises. I didn't promise my youngest daughter anything, and everything she put on her Christmas Wish List is something beyond doable according to my budget so I'll just get her everything she wrote down.
I would like to specify, yet again, that the only reason why my daughter is getting this phone is because I made a promise for 3 years straight. If she'd asked for this phone at random this year without any prior discussion, I wouldn't have even considered buying it for her. It's not like it's exactly easy for me having to beg my younger sister for money, I definitely don't do it often and am not planning on doing it unless it's a real emergency.
No, your kids can learn that things change, sometimes even promises can't be kept depending on financial situations, and they can learn that it's best not to waste money on technology or other things you don't really need when you cannot properly afford it.
I know things are completely different now (though being in my 20s, I'm not that old at all), but when I was 12 I got my first phone. It was a flip phone. And I couldn't even text on it (well, I could, but it was expensive, so I wasn't allowed to). And you know what? I LOVED that phone. I was so grateful for it. When iPhones first came out, they were only available for AT&T users. Most people in my area have Verizon. I knew ONE girl in school (9th grade at the time) with an iPhone. It wasn't until my junior or senior year when Verizon started carrying iPhones that more people in my school started getting them. And they were iPhone 4s. And they were not $1000.
I still remember (decades later) the Christmas my aunt gave my sister an expensive gaming system, and I got a sweater. This is still a running joke between my sister and me - our spouses think it's hilarious. The reasoning my parents/aunt gave me: my sister asked for it and I did not. From that point on, I knew my sister was the favorite of my aunt, and I pulled away from that aunt. And I also resented my parents for letting this happen. Be careful OP.
One of my sons is an obvious favorite of his grandfather (my FIL). There are times my FIL sends only my one son gifts in the mail (e.g. expensive fishing gear - he says it's because only one son likes fishing). When this happens, I'll call my FIL and tell him I'm not giving my son the gift until a holiday, so the other kids can open their gifts from grandpa also (hint). Or, if the gift to my son is small, I will go buy something similar to give to my other kids - I'll say everything is from grandpa and they will all call and thank him. . I think grandpa got the hint.
It breaks my heart when siblings are treated drastically unequally from parents/relatives, and feel like they are not the favorite. I'm really feeling bad for OP's younger daughter, and his wife too who sounds like she's trying to do the right thing and he's going around her. I understand also why he's having marital problems.
I haven't read all 40 pages of this thread but... am I the only one thinking that the OP should just finance the phone with their monthly phone plan? Did he specify that they HAVE to outright buy it? Most larger carriers allow you to finance a phone for $30(ish) per month.
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. I think grandpa got the hint. 