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If you haven’t purchased the phone, it’s not too late to handle this whole situation differently. Even if you have purchased the phone, you can take it back for a refund. Get her something else and return the funds to your sister. You can make amends with your wife, get on the same page about parenting and promises, and start talking about those life lessons with your daughter. You still have time to get her a different gift, something far less expensive that she wants. Because the expense doesn’t stop at $1000. She will need a case and screen protector, and the new monthly phone plan with insurance isn’t cheap either. Just some things to think about.
I feel horrible for your younger daughter. You can't think of one thing that your younger daughter may want? Does she not have any hobbies? Does she not need clothes, or even socks? Anything to balance out the extravagant gift that you got your older daughter. Do you not think that your younger daughter deserves something else than a book and a backpack?
This is actually a great time (and age) to have exactly those kinds of discussions and work through problem solving. We have $X available...here are some choices.
To add...none of the choices should include allowing auntie to pay for this. These are the availabke funds...you can select a phone within these limits, you can get a job, save some $ to add to the existing funds and purchase the phone once you have the money, stick with the phone you have until the price comes down....Part of growing up is learning these difficult choices. Allowing someone to bail you out for a luxury should not be an option.
I'm glad you found a solution! IDK if it's the same for iphones, but on my Samsung, I paid about $20 for protective gear for the screen and against dropping it.
His solution is to listen to his wife who apparently has common sense which is not common at all.
My parents would NEVER have made such a promise.
If I'd demanded an i10 equivalent they'd have laughed in my face.
If I'd have had a fit and said oh woe woe it sucks to be me...well, I had my moments but I was never a spoiled brat drama queen like that. Boo hoo.
Throw tantrum, promise is rescinded. Have a nice life at college.
As a newbie to DC, I have gotta admit some of these threads make me feel lucky I make enough money to not have to worry about my entire family being destroyed over a damned phone.
OP, you should be able to save a thousand bucks in 3 years, u should really look into what ur doing wrong if u arent able to save 1k in 3 years
if u want to please ur family and get them expensive gifts without all this hullabaloo being created, i suggest looking for a better job.
OR, moving out of one of the most expensive areas in the country, maybe? just a thought.
While I have a lot of concerns that the OP isn’t really facing the issue or doing his daughter (or himself) any good by caving to these demands, it is a little bit easier said than done to just find a better paying job or move to another part the country (even with a corporate funded move you are still looking at $10k plus to move anywhere. Markets change and employee demand / supply / pay changes with it. Even with a good education and what seemed like solid career choices at the time, people can find themselves in a tight financial situation.
This is particularly concerning. Youngest is learning that it is her responsibility to sacrifice to keep the peace in the family. This should not be a child's responsibility.
Yes.
This is the red flag symptom that to me suggests this is not a one-off.
I can hardly wait until Dani decides she needs a car ("all my friends have their own car") and of course an old beater won't do.
Read the OP again. She asked for the latest model three years ago. He told her he would get her an iphone in three years. Nowhere does it say he promised her any specific iphone, certainly not one that the public knew nothing about three years ago.
While I have a lot of concerns that the OP isn’t really facing the issue or doing his daughter (or himself) any good by caving to these demands, it is a little bit easier said than done to just find a better paying job or move to another part the country (even with a corporate funded move you are still looking at $10k plus to move anywhere. Markets change and employee demand / supply / pay changes with it. Even with a good education and what seemed like solid career choices at the time, people can find themselves in a tight financial situation.
I am baffled as to why you quoted me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty
Apple has eight different phones current on their website today.
And the OP is going with the 1000 phone.
As to why we are 'worrried', which is not an accurate description, this was explained by at least two posts.
Does parenting matter or not? If not, then hey let parents do what they want. But kids grow up to become adults who will interact with everyone else.
Some posters are perfect examples of why this is concerning.
Is this typical teen behavior? It seems to me that the girl should know that her family is not as well off as some of her friends. Why this insistence on getting a $$$$$ phone when the family could use the money for other things? Will this stand her in good stead later in life when she has to choose between paying rent and the latest toy (you should tell/remind her that there might be some lean years before she makes enough money to afford to give her children whatever they want)?
I would hope that if this was my situation, my daughter would be thinking along the lines of ' Yes, I'd really love to get that phone but it's so expensive and money is tight this year. I really should stop asking Dad to get it for me, even though he promised to get it for me. We could use the money for other things. I'm going to college pretty soon and we'll need every penny we can get. I should start looking at getting more scholarships/financial aid. Maybe I should get a part time job and earn some money. I could offer to help pay a bill but Mom and Dad probably wouldn't go for that. I could pay for the phone myself or maybe even buy a cheaper model that is just as good.'
OP.....So many dysfunctional dynamics that will negatively effect this young woman much more than being denied the most expensive phone ever would have.
The fact is your daughter is learning her selfish materialistic behaviors because it is being modeled by you.
Additionally she is learning that her mother is to be discounted and her mother's parenting is not
on equal footing, because you are blatantly undermining her mother. Essentially devaluing the parent this young female should be modeling herself after.
OP.....I am going to go out on a limb and say that I'll bet this "promise" has been an ongoing squabble between you and your wife for the past three years.
Otherwise, why didn't this transpire on her birthday two months ago.
A rational, logical explanation to your daughter about why you cannot ever afford a 1000 phone would have been the better choice.
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just a thought.
