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We had friends over for New Years Eve. One of my friends who I have known for 30 years (and who is 54 years old) seemed a bit "off" and I am concerned about him. He seemed to get easily confused by simple things and his fiance (who is much younger than him) was having to explain things for him and help him with things. It was almost like watching an elderly man being assisted by his daughter. I know he is not a drug user, so I am worried it could be something else, like early Alzheimers.
I am not sure what to do. Should I talk to him directly about my concerns, or call his fiance and talk to her? I don't want to go behind his back but I am worried if I go to him directly, he will deny anything is wrong or blame it on being tired or something. I have known him long enough to know it's not something simple like a lack of sleep.
You've known him for 30 years. Speak up! There's nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, I'm worried about you -- you didn't seem like you were yourself at New Years. Is everything ok?" If he brushes you off with a "Oh, everything's fine," then get pointed: "This is a serious question -- have you seen a doctor? Some of the things that came up were things that you wouldn't have thought twice about a couple of years ago. There's lots of reasons for memory loss and confusion -- chemical imbalances, drug interactions. Would you please see a doctor and find out what the heck is going on?"
Of course, he may tell you he is already seeing a doctor -- whether he is or not. He may be undergoing treatment for Alzheimer's, etc., and is just afraid of telling people, afraid they will treat him differently.
If he does brush you off, call the fiancee' and just express your concerns. Don't ask for personal information, just tell her that you noticed a difference, and, as a friend, were worried. She'll either say, "Yeah, we're working on that," or "MYOB." Depending on how long she's known him, she may not even be aware that there's a marked change in his behavior.
Beyond that, there's not a lot you can do, except still be there for him as a friend.
You've known him for 30 years. Speak up! There's nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, I'm worried about you -- you didn't seem like you were yourself at New Years. Is everything ok?" If he brushes you off with a "Oh, everything's fine," then get pointed: "This is a serious question -- have you seen a doctor? Some of the things that came up were things that you wouldn't have thought twice about a couple of years ago. There's lots of reasons for memory loss and confusion -- chemical imbalances, drug interactions. Would you please see a doctor and find out what the heck is going on?"
Of course, he may tell you he is already seeing a doctor -- whether he is or not. He may be undergoing treatment for Alzheimer's, etc., and is just afraid of telling people, afraid they will treat him differently.
If he does brush you off, call the fiancee' and just express your concerns. Don't ask for personal information, just tell her that you noticed a difference, and, as a friend, were worried. She'll either say, "Yeah, we're working on that," or "MYOB." Depending on how long she's known him, she may not even be aware that there's a marked change in his behavior.
Beyond that, there's not a lot you can do, except still be there for him as a friend.
This....express your concern, it does sound as if something is wrong...
You've known him for 30 years. Speak up! There's nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, I'm worried about you -- you didn't seem like you were yourself at New Years. Is everything ok?" If he brushes you off with a "Oh, everything's fine," then get pointed: "This is a serious question -- have you seen a doctor? Some of the things that came up were things that you wouldn't have thought twice about a couple of years ago. There's lots of reasons for memory loss and confusion -- chemical imbalances, drug interactions. Would you please see a doctor and find out what the heck is going on?"
Of course, he may tell you he is already seeing a doctor -- whether he is or not. He may be undergoing treatment for Alzheimer's, etc., and is just afraid of telling people, afraid they will treat him differently.
If he does brush you off, call the fiancee' and just express your concerns. Don't ask for personal information, just tell her that you noticed a difference, and, as a friend, were worried. She'll either say, "Yeah, we're working on that," or "MYOB." Depending on how long she's known him, she may not even be aware that there's a marked change in his behavior.
Beyond that, there's not a lot you can do, except still be there for him as a friend.
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