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So I made a new friend who moved to my town recently. He's going through a transitional period in his life and seems to be struggling financially. We have a lot in common and we hit it off instantly. He almost always initiates contact and asks me to hangout with him.
Things were fine until I started going out for drinks and food with him. He always asks me to cover up for him which I don't mind. What pisses me off is that when I get something for like 10 dollars he would go on and order several items, costing me at least 100 with no remorse at all. This happened on two occasions. And the last time we hung out, he asked me to buy him a drink, which I agreed to thinking that he would pay for the other items he had ordered, but he left without paying for anything.
Now the money isn't the problem for me because it's something I can easily afford. But if there's one thing I hate it's being taken advantage of. And knowing that maybe this person doesn't enjoy my company at all and probably befriended me for my money.
I really like this person and enjoy his company. But at the same time I don't want a user in my life. I would really like you advice on this. Should I see if this happens for the third time, or should I drop him now? What would be the best way do it?
The ball is in your court. If you really enjoy his company, expect him to use you and run up the bill beyond what you expected to spend. Every time.
But I do get what you're saying. It might be worth it, to you, to occasionally take him out for the pleasure of his company although he is a freeloader.
Well, I think you just want the rest of us to say what you are thinking yourself: he is a user and is not going to change. Doing this once could be ignored. Doing this twice means that's his modus operandi and he's found someone to fund him. You.
If you don't have the courage to say no when he next asks, have the courage to go out with ten dollars AND NO MORE in your pocket. No credit cards.
If you can't do this, then this guy should come off your list immediately because it's only going to cost you money every single time you go out.
Go out to eat someplace that's cheap and doesn't serve alcoholic drinks (Waffle House, IHOP, etc.)
If he simply wants to socialize and doesn't have the money for pay for his $6 meal and you can, great. But if he wants to go someplace expensive and drink on your dime, drop him like a hot potato.
Go out to eat someplace that's cheap and doesn't serve alcoholic drinks (Waffle House, IHOP, etc.)
If he simply wants to socialize and doesn't have the money for pay for his $6 meal and you can, great. But if he wants to go someplace expensive and drink on your dime, drop him like a hot potato.
lol that's one thing I wanted to try. I figured that going to a bar was a bad idea. But honestly I won't enjoy paying for a $6 meal either. It pisses me off when people deliberately refuse to pull their own weight and I would most probably start resenting this guy anyway
Next time he asks you out just say "OK, but it's your turn to pay this time" and see what he says. Then leave your credit card home (or at least where he can't see you have it).
He's just using you, period. He's no friend, just a moocher, as you pointed out. When you've outlived your usefulness he'll move on to the next host. I'd move on immediately if I was you. Friendship is the two-way street.
He's just using you, period. He's no friend, just a moocher, as you pointed out. When you've outlived your usefulness he'll move on to the next host. I'd move on immediately if I was you. Friendship is the two-way street.
Hard to say what's in his mind. You could try inviting him over to watch a movie or tv or otherwise do something that doesn't involve someone paying, or doesn't involve anything he could possibly use you for other than your company. If he rejects the invite when it doesn't involve a free drink, you can probably assume he's using you. If not, then maybe he's just broke.
I have a friend like that. I've known him for 10+ years. We were going out to lunch/dinner and drinks and I didnt mind at all paying for him when he was unemployed and looking for work because he's a nice person and I consider him a good friend. Now he's found a job, although it doesnt pay a lot, and I had to come to terms with the idea of continuing to pay for his food and drinks. I finally decided that I value his company enogh to pay for him, even though he'll probably never offer to pay for himself.
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