New friend is a moocher (personality, business, friendship, person)
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When the server first comes up, tell them you want separate checks. Things will be clear, and your friend will probably order a lot less. If they argue or try to stick you with both checks, get up and leave.
I didn't read all of the previous replies, but I think it's obvious and easier since he is a fairly new acquaintance, dump him. He probably won't change but more importantly, he has shown that he thinks nothing of you if he expects you to pay every time you go out somewhere. A true friend cares about you and is willing to pay their own way, even if it means eating at McDonald's.
Now the money isn't the problem for me because it's something I can easily afford. But if there's one thing I hate it's being taken advantage of. And knowing that maybe this person doesn't enjoy my company at all and probably befriended me for my money.
I really like this person and enjoy his company. But at the same time I don't want a user in my life. I would really like you advice on this. Should I see if this happens for the third time, or should I drop him now? What would be the best way do it?
Yeah people notice stuff like that. I sure do. Reminds me of a former buddy of mine, who is stereotypical and let's just leave it at that. While he wasn't cheap per se, anything involving a transaction usually had him chiseling down the last dime. Whatever he sold was too expensive, whatever he bought always had to be rock bottom. This is the guy who would search out the $5 buffets, and all the quality there in... Or lack of I guess we could say. I got tired of it after a couple years and pretty much getting sick at the restaurants that he chose which always had coupons or some other retarded garbage going on to disguise the fact that they were lousy I guess.
I also knew a guy like that in college, I roomed with him briefly. We figured out he was a mooch. We all moved on, but it's funny to this day I can remember some of his Shenanigans shaving a couple bucks here and there. I really hope he enjoyed the money considering the friends he lost.
So the guy in the subject knows what he's doing, or if he doesn't it's just how he's operated his whole life. And yes people notice, and yes people have all sorts of euphemisms for guys like that. Moochers, fly-by nighters, main chancers whatever.
Personally I'd set up some sort of situation whereby I forgot my credit and/or wallet at the next event. Have him cover the next one if he tries to bolt out well then I guess you guys are going to do a dine and dash. Unfortunately that'll probably the last time you ever deal with him, but at least you'll know.
If it was me I wouldn’t pay for the friend anymore. It was ok for a few times, but now it’s ridiculous that they don’t offer to pay for you! Next time you go out tell them “I’m sorry, but I can only pay for myself as expenses are getting tight”. If you don’t hear from them again then you know they were only using you for your money!
He's just using you, period. He's no friend, just a moocher, as you pointed out. When you've outlived your usefulness he'll move on to the next host. I'd move on immediately if I was you. Friendship is the two-way street.
^^^^ Bingo. You are being suckered. We've all had "friends" like this, and it always ends up the same way.........you pay and they use you.
When I was younger, I would go out with this one group of guys for a few drinks. One guy never had any money, and when it was time for him to pay for his round, he would conveniently be in the men's room. It didn't take long before we didn't invite him any more.
In my world, the person who issued the invitation is the one who pays. If he was able to spend $100, you invited him to a place he could not afford.
After saying that, he was deffinently rude and taking advantage by ordering as much expensive stuff as he could. So stop inviting him to expensive places.
If you enjoy his company, simply do no-cost or low-cost things with him. Basketball game in a friendly league, bike riding, hiking, fishing, street faires..... then, you can treat him to a sandwich at a fast food place or street vender where cost is limited by what is available to buy.
Last edited by oregonwoodsmoke; 12-30-2017 at 10:01 AM..
I have a couple of friends like that, but I sincerely do not mind about the money situation. One friend whom I have known since college doesn't make too much money, even with two graduate degrees, because she has chosen a career field that is of service to others. Since she lives in a very expensive area, discretionary funds are not always available, and she did not like the situation.
A few years ago, she stopped being available to hang out and go to dinner, etc., so I asked why, and got a roundabout answer. The next time she didn't want to go out, I asked her if it was something I had done, since this was uncharacteristic, and she finally told me it was the money. She nearly cried when I told her that she need not place a dollar value on our friendship because I would treat her to Le Bernardin every time we met up if that made her happy.
She has invited me to meet her at Chipotle a couple of times, and I do, but somehow my credit card manages to get into the machine before she can open her wallet, likely because I make a dash for it and tell her that she can get it the next time. She has brought me coffee when I was sick, and makes by hand the most lovely Christmas cards with her original watercolors on them, so the value returned is much more than the cost of dinner and drinks.
The other friend is much like the OP's friend in the original post. I did think that I was being used because we'd go out and he would order much more than I did, especially if we met at a club where I was the member and had to sign the bill, or if we met at a restaurant as he was always not as hungry as he ordered and left with leftovers. I didn't let it bother me, and just chalked it up to an expense because I knew that we had a close friendship.
He became engaged, and his fiancée said that she had heard all about me, and how great that I was, which I thought was intriguing. She then said that he used to get dressed up to go out with me, more than he would with her, and that she joked that I was his date. She laughs hysterically about that with my girlfriend, too. He told her that he so sincerely appreciated me, but did not know how to tell me without it seeming awkward, so she made a point of telling me that I helped him through a very difficult financial period in his life, where he had lost a job, barely paying rent with temp work and driving a cab at night, and I never knew it. The fact that I met him, and he would dress up, wearing his best tie and shoes, elevated his opinion of himself, and gave him a boost. Plus, he ended up meeting his current employer through a connection to my uncle whom he met when we were dining at the club one evening because my uncle remembered that he was an accountant.
So, not everyone is a user. And, if you don't mind the expense, vary the places that you eat. If you're still getting to know this guy, I'd give it a few more tries to see what's truly going on in the situation. You can usually spot a user and see their true intentions if you're cognizant of the fact. I also don't play games as some might to put the onus on the other person to pay the bill, especially if I suspect they are financially struggling, as I'd never want to take money in return from someone who was not counting on the expense and could not afford it.
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All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
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