Have you ever got rid of a friend and would you regret it? did it make you feel better? (wife, girlfriend)

[codergirl]

I am telling all of you,,,times are just getting worse...people are changing for the worse.

[RogueMom]

I completely distanced myself from a close friend years ago because she was in an abusive marriage and refused to leave no matter how much we that cared about her tried to warn her or offered her help.

I was a single mother with two young children to raise and protect. I did not want us caught in the "cross hairs" of her dangerous situation.

[smt1111]

Yes, I ditched a friend who was cancelling on me all the time. Once or twice, OK. But I was using vacation days from work to be with her and when she would cancel on me, well, that was a wasted vacation day. I would end up alone on holidays because she cancelled on me. After the 4th or 5th time it started to feel rude and abusive. Also she was just very dysfunctional in many other ways--financially needy, impulsively sleeping around, passed a STD to a couple of men.

Dumping her was not a quick decision on my part. I tried to tolerate some things for a long, long time and endured some bumps in the road first. It got old.

There isn't any reason to keep friends who are negative and draining. Friendship is supposed to add something positive to your life and help you to be a better person.

[Gil3]

Originally Posted by mej210390

I just recently in 2017 ditched a friend because every time we planned to do something she would cancel all the time, just wanting peoples stories, would you regret the choice to get rid of a friend if they were doing this????

Nope..If this person is simply dead weight, an obstacle to my goals or a toxic presence (social media included) they have to go. I'm at the point where letting go of these friendships is cleansing and liberating. Plus, holding on to certain "friendships" simply reminds me of things in the past I would rather forget.

[PriscillaVanilla]

Originally Posted by RogueMom

I completely distanced myself from a close friend years ago because she was in an abusive marriage and refused to leave no matter how much we that cared about her tried to warn her or offered her help.

I was a single mother with two young children to raise and protect. I did not want us caught in the "cross hairs" of her dangerous situation.

I wouldn't want to get caught up in it, either. One of my friends was in an abusive marriage, she wanted to stay at my house for a while, and I said no. I have 3 young children. I feel bad for her, but she told us all kinds of stories about her husband making threats, shooting guns, etc. Said he was pure evil. So I told her, I didn't want him knowing she lived with us. That's when she started backpedaling on her stories and saying he wasn't really all that bad.


She usually gets re-married within a few months after a divorce, then within a year or so, she says her new husband is abusive. And starts the cycle all over again. I don't see her anymore but I found out she is on her 4th marriage now.

[Sassybluesy]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

I have an acquaintance who cancels all the time. If the group is getting together, she will RSVP yes the night before and then in the morning cancel. She has severe anxiety and I'm not sure what else, I suspect an Rx drug addiction with depression.

I wonder if your friend is the same way, OP. Anyway, we know she's never going to show up to anything, not sure why she's still on group emails.

I have a friend kind of like this too. Before I knew her, mutual friends told me she used to be agoraphobic (well...I guess she still is, but works through it) and would never leave her home. She works now, and does occasionally attend social events...but she'll just as easily cancel, or 'forget'. And when she DOES attend, it's always harder than it seems like it needs to be. lol


For instance, we have a place in the country. I invited her, her housemate, and her son to come out for a long 4 day weekend. She said she'd love it. Made the plans months in advance. As the day came up closer, housemate couldn't get the days off, so instead of coming out on Thursday, it would have to be on Saturday.


Ok. Some disappointment, but OK. Then, it's "Saturday, around 7 PM." Sigh. OK. At 7 PM Saturday, my husband and I go to the gate, to show her in. She doesn't come, she doesn't come...so I call her.


Oh...spent the day at her mom's and time got away from her...but she can get her stuff together, and they'll be ready in an hour to hit the road. I'm pretty aggravated at this point. I just told her to forget coming on Saturday, "just shoot for Sunday, if you still want to come."


Honestly, at this point, I just give up. I figure I won't see her on Sunday. So what happens? Sunday at 3:00PM, she calls and says she's at the gate. She, and the housemate and the son and tons of blankets, sheets, food, etc. in their jalopy of a car, that can't go uphill. LOL


And then we had to turn around and leave Monday morning, and it was hard to get her up so we could leave.


I love her...but my husband and I decided we wouldn't invite them again. Too much aggravation.

[RamenAddict]

I had one longtime friend who literally expressed her disappointment in her infrequent communications with me that I refused to joint Facebook in order to communicate with her because communicating via any other method was simply not convenient for her. I was not about to join Facebook to make communicating with her more convenient, especially since this was a 15+ year friendship at that point, so that friendship basically ended.

I have another friendship I’ve ended a little more recently. Her life sort of spiraled out of control and she descended into alcoholism. She called me to try to talk her into going to rehab, which I tried my best to do. I followed up after I thought she would be done to ask how it went and she acted like the conversation never happened. Later conversations were even more bizarre, suggesting that her friends and family had enough. I really didn’t know how to help her at that point since she really needed to take the steps to help herself.

[MKB0925]

Currently, I am going through this type of situation. My good friend of 15 years has caught her husband having an affair with the some woman 3x in the past 15 months. My friend has literally been so unhappy since March 2016 but refuses to do anything about it, she will not even separate from him at all.


The lies that this man has told are so unreal and so disrespectful to my friend. (that is a whole entire other post) When she told me about the 3rd time, I said to her that she has seen her husband's actions over and over, I cannot listen to your situation anymore.


So now she has decided that I am not a good friend and is not speaking to me.


I wish her well and no matter how much she tries to project a fake image everyone, I know the real truth. Honestly, I don't miss her too much, her calls over the past couple years have been so draining.

[TelecasterBlues]

Early 30s male here...I usually keep my friends close and always have. However, I ditched two of them about a year ago due to jealousy and a drunken tirade that really pushed me over the edge as far as wanting to continue having them around anymore.

Bottom line is that you don't miss the people themselves as much as you miss the times that you once had with them; don't confuse the two. It's sad, but people change...and if they change for the worse, it's time to make a tough decision or so. Consider it a life lesson and a part of getting older/wiser.

[Cida]

I think "ditching" isn't a great idea. Seems more sensible to confront the friend and explain the problem. At least then you've give it a shot, and they have a chance to evaluate the situation.