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In answer to your original question, yes. A lot of mothers travel with their grown kids.
Often, it starts off with Mama paying the bills and morphs into the kids helping Mama navigate travel.
It is an opportunity to spend time with people you love. I have a middle-aged friend who still travels with her single Dad because of this very phenomena.
So, it's not like OP's relatives are strange.
Bingo! This is it in a nutshell for me. I travel with my daughter and sometimes include my son and whatever current girlfriend, if he has one. I used to pay all expenses when they were younger, now we split them. It used to be "hey guys, do you want to go to lalaland with me this year?", now it's "hey mom, what do you think about going to nomansland for vacation this year?"
I'm single, most of my friends are married or busy with their own kids/grandkids so I don't think I've ever really considered trying to travel with one of them, maybe when I'm older and all their husbands have left them or died off.... I guess it's lucky that my adult kids are also my friends and we enjoy each other's companionship. (We are planning our next trip even now, maybe a few days exploring the Smithsonian!)
Also I was under the impression that most people travel with a companion, whether it's a significant other, friend, paid companion or whatever. If I issued an invitation to someone to come visit I would more or less expect them to bring a companion of some sort.
Life in a foreign country, especially one that is behind the times compared to the US, poses difficulty for many. We love it, love the challenge and the adventure. But even we get frustrated at times...the power goes out and stays out for most of a day (sunny weather, no apparent reason for it); no trash pickup this week; cell phone service dead for 1/2 the day; internet service bogged down to a crawl; can't find certain spices/ingredients for recipes. Mostly life is fun here, but we have learned to roll with the punches when needed.
But again, they're not planning to spend their life in a foreign country, just a few days. Most of the things you list are not going to be an issue for a visitor. Trash service? Guests are not going to be paying attention to when trash day is. No electricity/Wi-Fi? I'm not interested in sitting around in doors when traveling, so no electricity would just be a good motivator to get everyone else out of the house too. Csnt find certain spices? Again, not something that a guest is going to be concerned with. Even if they were wanting to cook some meals, that isn't something that would be a deal breaker for a majority of people.
But again, they're not planning to spend their life in a foreign country, just a few days. Most of the things you list are not going to be an issue for a visitor. Trash service? Guests are not going to be paying attention to when trash day is. No electricity/Wi-Fi? I'm not interested in sitting around in doors when traveling, so no electricity would just be a good motivator to get everyone else out of the house too. Csnt find certain spices? Again, not something that a guest is going to be concerned with. Even if they were wanting to cook some meals, that isn't something that would be a deal breaker for a majority of people.
Most of our guests stay min. a week, usually 10 days.
You don't get it. When trash isn't picked up, it stays on the street and the wandering dogs pick over it. After Day 3, you can't walk on the sidewalks. In hot weather.....oh the aroma!
No electricity means the stores close, most restaurants close (some will operate daytime with gas stoves...though after xx hours, you gotta wonder if the mayo is still good), no gas for the car. Pool pump won't run to no swimming.
I mentioned cooking because a vegan is not going to be able to eat out very much.
Most of our guests stay min. a week, usually 10 days.
You don't get it. When trash isn't picked up, it stays on the street and the wandering dogs pick over it. After Day 3, you can't walk on the sidewalks. In hot weather.....oh the aroma!
No electricity means the stores close, most restaurants close (some will operate daytime with gas stoves...though after xx hours, you gotta wonder if the mayo is still good), no gas for the car. Pool pump won't run to no swimming.
I mentioned cooking because a vegan is not going to be able to eat out very much.
If it's such a **** hole I have to wonder why you even want to expose your SILs to it.
You don't want to entertain your nephews. Own it. Quit acting like you are trying to save them from the awfulness you live in.
Most of our guests stay min. a week, usually 10 days.
You don't get it. When trash isn't picked up, it stays on the street and the wandering dogs pick over it. After Day 3, you can't walk on the sidewalks. In hot weather.....oh the aroma!
No electricity means the stores close, most restaurants close (some will operate daytime with gas stoves...though after xx hours, you gotta wonder if the mayo is still good), no gas for the car. Pool pump won't run to no swimming.
I mentioned cooking because a vegan is not going to be able to eat out very much.
No, I get it. Those would be annoying things to deal with week after week. But for just 7-10 days? It really wouldnt be an issue. Your guests are not coming to take out your trash, go grocery shopping, or pump gas.
These didn't seem to be issues when you invited your SILs, why are they suddenly issues now that they want to bring along other family members to visit?
a) No, the first concerns the OP brought up in the email was about how they would be bored because the wifi isn't good...
b) ...to visit their aunt and uncle? I don't see anything wrong with a family trip to go see other family members.
c) Its odd to me that the OP wants no relationship with her nieces and nephews.
d) I get that the OP probably doesn't like kids, but ...
e) I doubt they are as problematic as the OP seems to think they are, especially since it doesn't seem like the OP even really knows these people.
a) Here's what the OP said: "I sent a quick reply, 'We aren't set up to accommodate three people, plus we think kids will be bored here and our internet here is slow and often spotty.."
I don't see a connection being made between boredom and spotty wi fi. The OP said: "The response from Mary, 'I'll have to check when Susie can get off work; I already checked with Billie and he can get away almost any time as he can work remotely.'" The spotty wi fi concern seems less about boredom and more about Billie's ability to do his work.
b) There is nothing wrong with a family trip to go see other family members. As long as the family has been invited. OP invited only some family members, not all of the ones who planned to come.
c) I can't find the post where OP said she wants no relationship with her nieces and nephews.
d) Can't find the post where OP said she doesn't like kids.
e) That might be one of the reasons OP did not invite the adult children -- based on the sporadic communications between her and them over the years she might feel she doesn't even really know these people.
I'm going to put aside the very strange and convoluted way this topic started out and just focus on what appears to be the real issue now that the OP has clarified.
By way of background, we live in an area (Southern California) that people do indeed like to visit on vacation as well.
1) You're either invited or you're not. It's weird to have the invited guests assume they're a +1 or +2. When our relatives talk about visiting, it's very clear.
2) At least for us (may not apply to the OP...who is retired??) we make it clear that we, although hosting, are NOT on vacation. Some level of self-sufficiency is expected, especially from family.
3) Regarding the "trash/wi-fi/vegan" thing. Frankly? I kind of get the OP's point, although I think she expressed it poorly to her relatives. My wife and I just KNOW which relatives will and will not like visiting our particular area. Or would do better with a short visit. We learned the hard way. No we do not live near Disney and do not have free passes. It's not 80 degrees every day. Yes, it will take you hours to get anywhere on the freeway. No, that Starbucks is not where you might see Emma Stone. And so on.
I'm going to put aside the very strange and convoluted way this topic started out and just focus on what appears to be the real issue now that the OP has clarified.
1) You're either invited or you're not. It's weird to have the invited guests assume they're a +1 or +2. When our relatives talk about visiting, it's very clear.
Agreed. It seems to me if a person isn't invited, that's it. OP is entitled to invite or not invite whom she pleases. And for whatever reason, justification, rationalization, or excuse she pleases. No approval required.
This topic has appeared before in one way or another on forums where people live in places others find very attractive to visit. It can be wonderful to live in places like that but it can also bring up some sensitive situations. I remember one poster saying he purposely chose to rent a tiny studio apartment to live in so he wouldn't have to be bothered, if I recall correctly, with people who say they want to visit him when actually what they want is free accommodations while they take a vacation.
c) I can't find the post where OP said she wants no relationship with her nieces and nephews.
Because its typical of people who want a relationship with there adult nieces and nephews to refer to them as offspring? If that was true, the OPs first response when learning that her nieces and nephews wanted to come visit her wouldn't be "Are you kidding me??" It would have been mote of a "Great, I haven't seen them in years. It'll be great to see each other and catch up... I can't wait for everyone to see our finished remodel..."
Instead its reason after reason as to why the "kids" can't come... The trash... The WiFi.. They look like hussies and hippies... The restaurants will all be closed...
Which is odd, because in one of her first posts, the OP said she wouldn't be cooking, and would instead be going out to eat with the SILs all the time.
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