Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For background information, basically, I am a telephone interviewer and like some of my coworkers. Generally, it is actually my managers. But, anyhow, there is this one coworker that I like that keeps talking to me. I want to stop because it's probably not a healthy idea plus I get so consumed with my attraction to even build a conversation with him. Considering it's work maybe I should try to go back to ignoring him but how now?
I am fine socially at work usually. People generally think I'm shy some think I'm mean even to some people I am a bit hard on. It is just because I don't like what talking to people could actually lead to. Like basically I've ended up fighting people because I decided to talk to them when they decided to talk to me. I generally am not very social to anyone that doesn't either sit next to me at some point or live near where I live or is someone I know. Like there was one girl I've known for years was my neighbor at one point I even knew one of her ex's names at one point and we're even facebook friends. But other than that everyone else I usually don't know like that and if I am talking to anyone it is because we at some point worked together in the same area or live near each other. Even my managers have said I'm "docile" which isn't true I talk to people I'm familiar with a lot. But anyhow well there's an exception sometimes.
I like guys at my job actually quite a few. I talk to some but generally I don't talk to them. Actually at first originally, I wouldn't even sit next to one to get on the computer for break when I was new. I have a VERY VERY shy nature to guys I actually like. It depends though because for me I keep everything really bottled up tucked away. And anything can make it really like blow out of control. Generally at work though with guys there were no problems. I avoided them. They did not notice me. Even when they did sit next to me or lived near me. Well that was ok from April to October. Then, this new guy gets hired apparently in September. Didn't see him until the first week of October. I know the exact day even because he gave me one of those really striking feelings. Like really deeply. The only reason I even saw him was because I was helping out with another project. So like through October-the end of the year, I had no issue with bumping into him because we worked on different projects. I never talked to him and didn't even know his name. I had more issues with a monitor than him, but it wasn't until this year that it started. Well the project died at the turn of the year so I had to work in a normal consumer project. I started seeing him more often. And then by the end of the month he was trying to talk to me. I usually wouldn't talk back to someone I don't know in any way. But I did. The problem is I think is the way I look at him weird without really being able to help it. It's the whole energy thing that I get from him that makes me do that.
We do talk regularly now when no one is really around usually. My issue is I can't seem to talk to the guy like a normal person. In my head all I can think of is basically really dirty thoughts. It's sometimes hard to really form a conversation. Like last night I wanted to say more than I said way more but I went real blank. Plus we are like night and day in type of people. But I think I could actually get along with him if I could calm down. But it doesn't seem I can. Like I keep my feelings either bottled up or it just blows up in my face. Since this is work I really can't afford it to blow up in my face. And it seems something might flow both ways but I can't do this anymore of being friendly with someone I really want to be intimate with. Normally I can with him it's like the energy thing doesn't let up in his case. My issue is that he tends to now stare at me initiate conversations it's hard to avoid him now.
Also I don't like what it's turned into. Like when I actually outwardly like a guy I start thinking about him 24/7 and like basically finding reasons to go to work when I'm not scheduled this is actually how I figured out his own schedule without even asking him. I am also a bit of a stalker. I have even tried in a sense being forward and saying some stuff to him to let him know I kind of watch him from a distance it didn't seem to make him actually concerned or even show more interest. In fact I feel like he likes to tease me. Only reason I don't really think completely is he goes out of his way sometimes to talk to me. But either way it's driving me out of my mind at this point. I can't even sit in a cubical behind him because I get distracted from my job.
How do I get out of interacting with him? Should I ignore him? Some things get better I guess over time. But I feel like generally it can't lead to anything good if I continue talking to him either. But every time I say I am not going to I end going ahead and talk to him because I am in too deep that's why I tried to avoid him to begin with. Advice?
Ignoring him is rude and immature. He hasn't done anything wrong. This is your problem, so you need to figure out how to act like a rational human being. You don't have to go out of your way to initiate talks with him, but you can certainly be pleasant and civil if he wants to chat with you. Stalking him is unfair; you wouldn't want someone to do that to you. Learn what professional behavior is and practice it.
You shouldn't ignore him, no, because that is cruel and immature.
I agree that this is your issue to deal with, but it sounds like a lot of issues.
You do need more socialization, it sounds like, but not necessarily with coworkers, and definitely not while you're working.
You need to learn how to control your obsessive thinking by establishing emotional boundaries. You can't sit there and think dirty thoughts about a guy while you're on the job.
I could not get past the many paragraphs describing your angst at normal human social behaviour. Talking to people at work? Isn't that expected? I am not getting the high drama aspect.
OP, it sounds like you live in your head a lot, and struggle somewhat with social skills. Check your health insurance, to see if it has any mental health care coverage. You need to talk this out with a professional; we can't really help you here. You might feel relieved, just to have someone to talk to about it, who can help you get a better perspective over your situation, and give you some skills for managing your thoughts, and dealing with social situations. Even if you have to pay for a series of sessions out-of-pocket, it would be an investment in yourself. You'll feel so much better, once your thought processes are more under control.
Wait, a second... I thought this is sorta how intimate relationships actually begin, so if it's possibly mutual why would you want to avoid it? The only caveat to that question would be your job.. which is completely understandable... but I dunno, sounds like he might be into you too.. and well, yes things could not work out, but maybe they could.
So I see two choices, slowly backing off and distracting yourself -or- see where it goes.
You shouldn't ignore him, no, because that is cruel and immature.
I agree that this is your issue to deal with, but it sounds like a lot of issues.
You do need more socialization, it sounds like, but not necessarily with coworkers, and definitely not while you're working.
You need to learn how to control your obsessive thinking by establishing emotional boundaries. You can't sit there and think dirty thoughts about a guy while you're on the job.
Have you ever been in therapy before?
I go to therapy but not for anything about this. It's not a big issue in my life just when I happen to talk to him it has happened more often but not enough to get in the way of anything worst is that sometimes I'm sat sometimes in the wrong section so I am already doomed.But honestly it's been good now I should schedule my off days when he's on it would be more helpful. Or someone needs to get hired that's good looking lol
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
