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We had a baby earlier this year. Also got married, but that's not the point.
The baby was no surprise. Everyone knew about it through speaking to me directly or had access to my default picture being one of his ultrasounds.
Various family members have given us random baby items either in person or off our amazon registry.
My entire dad's side of the family (who lives in France) didn't get me anything or even send me a congratulations message, or call, or anything at all. Now I'm not trying to be greedy, we don't need more onesies that he realistically isn't going to wear. However, I got a lot of hand-me-downs from my nephew. My sister in law was telling me "this is from cousin X this is from cousin Y from aunt Z" and so on. All those people didn't get us anything, or even acknowledge our baby's birth. We aren't particularly distant relationship wise, but we're not particularly close either, at least not much more so than my older brother is with them.
My mom has said she is sure it is because I didn't send a birth announcement. I didn't send anyone a birth announcement but that didn't prevent those who reached out from doing so. I just don't see the necessity of it in this day and age where people know what color underwear you're wearing through facebook before you even put your pants on. Do I need to send a fancy announcement months/weeks later, when they obviously already know of my child and the pregnancy that led up to it through facebook?
Thankfully my wife is on the same page as me and views it hugely unecessary.
Those family members can all kiss my ass for all I'm concerned. It should be on them to reach out and show their interest/attention. Not on me to beg for it through a formal announcement. Are we just ill-mannered and uncivilized?
We had a baby earlier this year. Also got married, but that's not the point.
The baby was no surprise. Everyone knew about it through speaking to me directly or had access to my default picture being one of his ultrasounds.
Various family members have given us random baby items either in person or off our amazon registry.
My entire dad's side of the family (who lives in France) didn't get me anything or even send me a congratulations message, or call, or anything at all. Now I'm not trying to be greedy, we don't need more onesies that he realistically isn't going to wear. However, I got a lot of hand-me-downs from my nephew. My sister in law was telling me "this is from cousin X this is from cousin Y from aunt Z" and so on. All those people didn't get us anything, or even acknowledge our baby's birth. We aren't particularly distant relationship wise, but we're not particularly close either, at least not much more so than my older brother is with them.
My mom has said she is sure it is because I didn't send a birth announcement. I didn't send anyone a birth announcement but that didn't prevent those who reached out from doing so. I just don't see the necessity of it in this day and age where people know what color underwear you're wearing through facebook before you even put your pants on. Do I need to send a fancy announcement months/weeks later, when they obviously already know of my child and the pregnancy that led up to it through facebook?
Thankfully my wife is on the same page as me and views it hugely unecessary.
Those family members can all kiss my ass for all I'm concerned. It should be on them to reach out and show their interest/attention. Not on me to beg for it through a formal announcement. Are we just ill-mannered and uncivilized?
You really can't win these days because, if you did send out an announcement, some people would just accuse you of staging a gift grab.
Birth announcements are a tradition, but not everyone is traditional. Methods of communications have changed, but if they are in another country they might not know the details.
Did your brother send birth announcements and subsequently received baby gifts from relatives who have not sent you anything? If so, your mother is probably right. Getting an announcement in the mail catches my attention where I may only look at FB a couple times a week so I miss stuff all the time. Not to mention lots of people aren’t even on FB.
If you don’t want to send announcements, don’t. It’s certainly not something you have to do, but then again neither is sending a baby gift.
Various family members have given us random baby items either in person or off our amazon registry.
My entire dad's side of the family (who lives in France) ...
Keep in mind that gift-giving for births is not a prevalent or commercialized in France as it is in the US.
Quote:
Originally Posted by walmill
We aren't particularly distant relationship wise, but we're not particularly close either, at least not much more so than my older brother is with them.
If you aren't particularly close, why would you expect anything?
Keep in mind that gift-giving for births is not a prevalent or commercialized in France as it is in the US.
If you aren't particularly close, why would you expect anything?
Says who? Common enough that my dad's employees gave my nephew gifts and these cousins and aunts who gave him things didn't do for me. I was born there and mom still has my baby book with pages upon pages of friends/guests/relatives and the gifts they brought for me?
I referred to closeness in the sense that they aren't in constant communication with my older brother or on non-speaking-terms, neither am I. Our relationship isn't that much different but they received gifts.
Even if not gifts, they did not bother to send me a message or give me a call. They are on facebook enough to know what's going on and have contacted me there previously.
No, I haven't bothered to ask if my brother sent out birth announcements to them.
My point in this post isn't to try resolving any inter-family issues that may or may not be present but moreso if society in general still holds these traditional things important. I find them absolutely frivolous but perhaps I'm in the wrong. I have been known to have a lot of controversial opinions, especially among my family, and thankfully my wife shares many of them.
Your default picture on an ultrasound. What does that mean?
You being born somewhere and your mother having a baby book - what does that have to do with your relationship to people? We have family members who call when they need or want something; otherwise we do not hear from them. You expect people to know about your marriage and the birth of a child and jump on the gift giving wagon just because you called.
Last edited by Threestep2; 12-04-2018 at 01:03 PM..
Perhaps your distant family finds your passive aggressive desire for attention equally frivolous. Do you recognize your family's special events and celebrations?
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 12-04-2018 at 12:47 PM..
Do you give a gift when these relatives buy a home without sending an announcement? Do you give a gift when these relatives retire without sending an announcement? Do you send these relatives gifts for anniversaries, graduations?
If you do send your Dad's relatives gifts for "unannounced" occasions, then I see our point. If not, well.. move on.
We had a baby earlier this year. Also got married, but that's not the point.
Sorry, these two things are the point. You are married to your sweetheart and you have a healthy baby. You are way ahead of many other people in this world.
Count your blessings.
Enjoy your new family.
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