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My niece is in a bit of a pickle. She is still very young, has a learning disability and suffered from severe depression in the past. In other words, she is not ready to be a mother. However, we just learned a month ago that she is pregnant, while my husband and I were initially excited, my older sister(my niece's mother) is livid as my niece still lives at home and has no way to support herself on her own yet, therefor it's likely that my sister and her husband will be taking care of the baby. They are getting old and don't have the energy to take care of another child, especially after raising seven children of their own. So my niece and sister decided it was best that my niece get an abortion.
My niece, however is still with the farther of the child, who wants to keep the baby. He comes from a more conservative religious background, so his folks are pressuring him to keep the baby and say they can help raise it. My niece's bf seems commmitted to getting his act together so he can take care of the child. He has a full time steady job, and may start renting an apartment where my niece and him could live. He desperately wants to keep the baby as does his parents.
Despite my niece's boyfriends gestures and his parents offer to raise the baby, my sister is still adamant that my niece should get an abortion and has gotten into some heated argument with my niece's bfs family. There is a cultural clash happening and I feel as though things can get ugly soon. What would you do if you were in this situation? I am personally trying to butt out and just support my niece on whatever choice she makes which is likely to get an abortion; but I am curious if someone has been through a similar situation.
Its not your decision, nor is it your child's decision. You are at best a cheerleader from the sidelines. This is a powder keg waiting to explode. Don't get anywhere near it. Let your niece and your sister work it out. None of your business. Offer your support to your niece no matter what she chooses to do.
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Well, my advice to you would be to watch from the sidelines and not offer an opinion, just support for whatever choice they make.
I wonder if the niece has considered offering the baby for adoption once it's born, and at that point the dad's family can have first say in the adoption? If they don't want to do a full adoption, then the baby will be up for a more traditional adoption?
Just the statement that he is "trying to get his act together" and his parents are willing to "help out" are concerning. If this niece keeps the baby, it's maternal grandma and grandpa who will be doing the work.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kickingthebricks
Stay. Out. Of. This.
I repeat.
Stay. Out. Of. This.
Its not your decision, nor is it your child's decision. You are at best a cheerleader from the sidelines. This is a powder keg waiting to explode. Don't get anywhere near it. Let your niece and your sister work it out. None of your business. Offer your support to your niece no matter what she chooses to do.
She did not. Its her niece-- not her child. No reason for her to get deeply immersed in the situation. Thus I said "its not your child." Further, its not her potential grandchild. She has no dog in this fight.
I agree you should stay out of it. While I can appreciate wanting to help, there are times when our best intentions are not appropriate for the situation. I get where you're coming from, believe me. I have a really close family member going through something for which I want to step in and start "helping" but I know it's wrong. So I'm just doing my very best to be supportive and stand on the sidelines. As hard as it is, that's all you (and I) can do.
The reason I am asking this question is because I have, whether I like or not, gotten in the middle of all this drama. My sister and her husband will not pay for the abortion despite the fact they want my niece to get an abortion. They are extremely upset that my niece got pregnant in the first place, and refuse to pitch in financially. So I am paying for the abortion and have been offering emotional support to my niece( who has been through some emotional issues). My sister and her husband engage in tough love parenting, I do not, which is why she calls me a lot and comes to my house daily.
My niece's bfs family has found out that I may pay for this abortion depending on niece's decision, and have begged me to not do it. They are nice people but they have also now dragged me into this drama. I am trying to butt out like I mentioned in the first post, but I am curious if anyone who has been through a similar situation and what advice would you give my niece or other family members?
Last edited by SouthernBelleInUtah; 04-12-2018 at 11:07 AM..
The reason I am asking this question is because I have, whether I like or not, gotten in the middle of all this drama. My sister and her husband will not pay for the abortion despite the fact they want my niece to get an abortion. They are extremely upset that my niece got pregnant in the first place, and refuse to pitch in financially. So I am paying for the abortion and have been offering emotional support to my niece( who has been through some emotional issues). My sister and her husband engage in tough love parenting, I do not, which is why she calls me a lot and comes to my house daily.
My niece's bfs family has found out that I may pay for this abortion depending on niece's decision, and have begged me to not do it. They are nice people but they have also now dragged me into this drama. I am trying to butt out like I mentioned in the first post, but I am curious if anyone who has been through a similar situation and what advice would you give my niece or other family members?
HUH?
This is a drama of your making, sorry OP. You should not be offering to finance any such decision. Frankly, by volunteering, you are asking to be in the midst of this maelstrom.
You can simply say "I don't feel that I should be in the middle of such a huge decision. I am withdrawing my offer to pay as this is not my decision. I support X and whatever she decides."
Its rare that I say this, but this is your own fault for sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. Withdraw nose immediately. End of discussion.
My niece is in a bit of a pickle. She is still very young, has a learning disability and suffered from severe depression in the past. In other words, she is not ready to be a mother. However, we just learned a month ago that she is pregnant, while my husband and I were initially excited, my older sister(my niece's mother) is livid as my niece still lives at home and has no way to support herself on her own yet, therefor it's likely that my sister and her husband will be taking care of the baby. They are getting old and don't have the energy to take care of another child, especially after raising seven children of their own. So my niece and sister decided it was best that my niece get an abortion.
My niece, however is still with the farther of the child, who wants to keep the baby. He comes from a more conservative religious background, so his folks are pressuring him to keep the baby and say they can help raise it. My niece's bf seems commmitted to getting his act together so he can take care of the child. He has a full time steady job, and may start renting an apartment where my niece and him could live. He desperately wants to keep the baby as does his parents.
Despite my niece's boyfriends gestures and his parents offer to raise the baby, my sister is still adamant that my niece should get an abortion and has gotten into some heated argument with my niece's bfs family. There is a cultural clash happening and I feel as though things can get ugly soon. What would you do if you were in this situation? I am personally trying to butt out and just support my niece on whatever choice she makes which is likely to get an abortion; but I am curious if someone has been through a similar situation.
I would not get involved in this - PERIOD. That said, HER body, HER choice!
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