Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This kinda thing usually happens organically for me. Like I want to hang out with my friend one weekend but they're busy going to a cookout at their parents house so they extend an offer for me to come along.
I'm of the age where a lot of my friends are getting married and/or starting families of their own so I have met most of my friends' family members at wedding and baby-related events.
Once I was out of college, this was typically the way I met my friends' families and how they met mine.
To be honest, I would seem odd to me for a new-ish friend (well, honestly, even one I'd known for some time) to ask directly to meet my family. I wouldn't be horrified and run the other way, but it would strike me as odd.
I did have that request once a while back, but it was because my father was a LCSW and my friend was considering getting his license. So he wanted to pick my Dad's brain about the process if Dad was OK with it (which he was). We all met for dinner, had a nice time and that was it. They didn't see each other again until my wedding (although Dad used to ask about him every once & a while).
MrJester, have you thought out the scenario? Say you do meet the family of your friend. What then? What are your expectations after that? Do you feel the family members have an obligation to see you again? Why would they want to so when they have friends and relatives of their own that they would prefer to spend time with and with whom they have more in common? You would simply be a casual acquaintance.
If my friends think I should meet their family, they will let me know.
I have no one here. But I don't want to cling on to someone else's family uninvited. It either will happen naturally, when my friends think it would be nice to invite me to a family event. I would never ask to attend, it makes you look clingy and needy.
If my friends think I should meet their family, they will let me know. I have no one here. But I don't want to cling on to someone else's family uninvited. It either will happen naturally, when my friends think it would be nice to invite me to a family event. I would never ask to attend, it makes you look clingy and needy.
Of all the friends I had during my long years in college, I never met their families, with two exceptions. There were a few of them who had brothers or sisters who also attended the college and so would be hanging-out together on campus, along with our mutual friends.
And then there was the family of a woman friend, who lived at their home, in a small, nearby town. So naturally, I became acquainted with them. I got along very nicely with her mother and sister, who thought well of me. But her father was just the opposite. He was a foreman on a construction crew and didn't like the idea of some educated college boy seeing his daughter.
I can't recall ever meeting any of the family members of my co-workers, even though I spent time socializing with several of them and many of their friends and neighbors.
Without an extended family nearby, people lose a large part of their sense of belonging. People with a large extended family all say that that has been the most important part of their identity and are very proud of it.
Is this just American culture where you shouldn't ask to see your friend's family? Or is it across all cultures? Is this true for African culture, Hispanic culture, Italian culture, Jewish culture, Arab culture, Indian culture, Chinese culture, etc? Or, are there some cultures where it is perfectly normal to ask to meet a friend's family?
Because my parents and my brother would gladly welcome any of my friends who asked to meet my family, no questions asked. And for the record, we all are conservative, evangelical Christians, pro-life, Trump voters. We are as American as you get, and we still have no problem having my friends come over if they ask, even if he is (gasp) a Sanders supporter.
You don't get to claim to be some kind of superior American because of any of that. I am none of those things and am 100% American
If you want your friends to meet your family, then you invite them. If they want you to meet their family, they will invite you. It is kind of weird to ask someone to meet their family. It isn't your place. It is their place to make that decision. You didn't answer last time, so I'll ask again. Why do you want to meet them? What do you hope to get out of it?
Family =/= friend. It's nice when it works out that way, but it doesn't always. My brother and I are two completely different people and while we maintain contact, it's mostly because of my niece. I wouldn't be friends with my brother and SIL if he wasn't my brother. We just don't have anything in common.
I have quite a few cousins who live near me, but most I am not close with. The few that I am, interestingly, were not people I grew up with and are either of a different generation (my parents' or grandparents' first cousins) or grew into people who I really just enjoy being with. I might see others at family events, but we don't go out of our way to spend time together.
Focus on making friends, and worry about their families later. Don't assume they're close with their family, or see their family as friends. It is considered rude to invite yourself over in any context, whether to meet family or not.
Is it possible that your family would be so welcoming because they know you and your brother have difficulty making friends and they would want to help?
I've read a few of your posts like this. You seem to have the idea that extended families are mostly close, loving, supportive, and operate as a unit of some sort. This is really not that true. In fact, I think THAT type of extended family is quite rare.
Asking someone to meet their family is odd because you have no idea what the family is like, if the person is close to their family, and it feels, to me, almost like saying, "You're not enough, friend. I want to delve into your personal life too." It feels vaguely stalker-ish to me.
Also, people act differently with friends than family sometimes. If you have a friendly relationship with a person with things in common, it is most likely quite different than the way they interact with their family members. Mixing the two might be awkward for your friend.
Just to add another perspective. I have a group of friends who have been great friends for over 30 years. I do not think that I have ever met any of their siblings or parents (nor have they met my siblings or parents). While they have mentioned their siblings & parents during conversations there has been no reason to meet them.
Now, my brother holds many large parties every year, and invites everyone friends and relatives so I have met several of his close friends over the years. I don't socialize with them away from my brother's parties but they are nice to talk to then.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,360,802 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
That's the thing. Like I said, I have met the family of some of my friends, but I've never said anything like, "Please, I would like to meet your brother's family." It's more like a friend said, "hey, my brother's having a cookout this weekend, you're welcome to come."
Well said.... Unless you’re dating and getting into a serious relationship, that’d be tbs only reason in wanting to meet the family. And also less drama in keeping the two separate. I feel more like my true self around friends than family.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
