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Don't even put a time limit on it. Let her know you cleaned out the house and you have it at your house for whenever she's able to get it. It was her mother's. You're very nice for holding it at your house until she can get it.
I disagree. China cabinets are not small items, and it may well be that it would be an imposition for the OP to store it. But the solution is blindingly obvious: call the daughter and let her know that it's there, ready for her to pick it up at a time that the two of them could then arrange.
It is not better to say nothing. Your mother-in-law is correct and your wife needs to call her aunt and ask her if she still wants the cabinet. There is absolutely no drama involved in such a simple enquiry. The aunt either wants it or she doesn't want it. If she still wants it then it's her responsibility to arrange to have it taken away. If she doesn't want it then your wife can make other arrangements for its disposition.
Hard feelings exist in families over the disposition of items. Many times simple communication could prevent a whole lot of this.
I would put some sort of reasonable time limit though. You don't want someone showing up years later wanting their china cabinet.
The going to the trouble of moving, packing. cleaning out the house could be the short end of stick you referenced. I've seen that. A couple family members work themselves half to death & then another comes in only to take the goods and departs.
Here is someone who requested a specific item, didn't make a fuss about it and perhaps was waiting until everyone is ready rather than nag about it and now you want to keep it and not let her know, hum and what happens when she finds out you have lied by omission or kept something a secret. Who here is creating the drama?
I'd say your mil is a smart woman. All your wife has to say is you have the china cabinet and it's always there ready to be picked up within 6 months and if she no longer wants it to let your wife know.
Exactly. It could be she would still like to have the cabinet but life keeps getting in the way of doing something about it. Or she was being thoughtful, not demanding. Then there is the concept that people can and do change their minds about things, especially things that were sort of waiting in the wings for a long time. Priorities, needs and desires change. Something like this happened with my dad's estate. He refused to part with family items (things he didn't use, just stacked in a room) for so long that his kids ended up buying their own even though they would have preferred to use a family heirloom. When everything was finally divided up, no one ended up having space for as many of the the long-waited-for table, chair, sideboard, whatever.
I agree. It is the considerate and reasonable thing to tell her you have it and put some sort of timeline on it. What's the problem?
Last year my wife's grandmother passed away. Before she passed her youngest daughter came up from the east coast to Michigan to say good buy, and the whole time she kept talking about nabbing the china cabinet after she passed. Her and her husband came up a couple more times for the funeral etc...and never got the cabinet, nor said anything about it. This past year my wife and I and her uncle have been helping clean out grandma's house getting it ready to sell, and one of the last things in the house was that china cabinet. Her uncle didn't want to wait around for any more for all those who said they wanted something but never came to get it so we said we'd take it. My wife was talking to her mother, and she said to her that she needs to call her aunt and tell her that she has the cabinet that she wanted, but never came to get. I told her if this lady hasn't made any effort to get it with in a year don't bother even telling her all it will do is create drama, and we'll get the short end of the stick. Do you think it would be worth stirring up more family drama, or just keeping quiet about it until it is brought up?
I think staying quiet about it until it is brought up will actually cause more drama. It's simple. Your wife should call her aunt and ask her if she still wants it. If she does, let her know you can hold it for *insert whatever time frame you want* and that she needs to organize pick-up before then.
If she doesn't want it any longer, then do whatever you want with it.
I disagree. China cabinets are not small items, and it may well be that it would be an imposition for the OP to store it. But the solution is blindingly obvious: call the daughter and let her know that it's there, ready for her to pick it up at a time that the two of them could then arrange.
MOVE IT and then store it? No, typically, they are not a small piece of furniture and usually may have glass enclosures...heavy and delicate to move.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoisite
It is not better to say nothing. Your mother-in-law is correct and your wife needs to call her aunt and ask her if she still wants the cabinet. There is absolutely no drama involved in such a simple enquiry. The aunt either wants it or she doesn't want it. If she still wants it then it's her responsibility to arrange to have it taken away. If she doesn't want it then your wife can make other arrangements for its disposition.
Despite all of the huge effort put into cleaning up and disposal of unwanted items, junk, garbage etc... in the end, I suggest you all 'do the right thing'. Make the call to her to pick it up and move it within a specific timeframe and if she is unable to oblige then you and your wife will be making other arrangements (or keeping it yourselves?).
It is clear language and therefore there should not be any drama or hurt feelings and misunderstandings, JMHO of course and family drama should not take place if they can be avoided.
I'd remind the aunt about it. Maybe kindly say "We are planning on having the house sold sometime in the next X months/weeks and you'd need to arrange picking it up." Maybe offer to help move it to a moving van if you can.
Last year my wife's grandmother passed away. Before she passed her youngest daughter came up from the east coast to Michigan to say good buy, and the whole time she kept talking about nabbing the china cabinet after she passed. Her and her husband came up a couple more times for the funeral etc...and never got the cabinet, nor said anything about it. This past year my wife and I and her uncle have been helping clean out grandma's house getting it ready to sell, and one of the last things in the house was that china cabinet. Her uncle didn't want to wait around for any more for all those who said they wanted something but never came to get it so we said we'd take it. My wife was talking to her mother, and she said to her that she needs to call her aunt and tell her that she has the cabinet that she wanted, but never came to get. I told her if this lady hasn't made any effort to get it with in a year don't bother even telling her all it will do is create drama, and we'll get the short end of the stick.
Do you think it would be worth stirring up more family drama, or just keeping quiet about it until it is brought up?
I'd just keep quiet. Let the uncle call them, if he hasn't already.... the uncle stating he was tired of waiting for folks to pick up items they wanted is likely in reference to the sister.
You are right, a full year and no move to pick it up....or obviously to even help with clearing out the house.....they don't want it. And you didn't want to see it carted to a thrift store. Your MIL should stay out of it. If you are trying to sell this home and have spent all year readying it to do so you've already put in a lot of work and effort.
If the Aunt contacts you at some point, be ready to let her come pick it up. My opinion is they aren't going to, or they would have already.
Here is someone who requested a specific item, didn't make a fuss about it and perhaps was waiting until everyone is ready rather than nag about it and now you want to keep it and not let her know, hum and what happens when she finds out you have lied by omission or kept something a secret. Who here is creating the drama?
I'd say your mil is a smart woman. All your wife has to say is you have the china cabinet and it's always there ready to be picked up within 6 months and if she no longer wants it to let your wife know.
I agree
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