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Sounds like one of my remaining sisters. The worst one overdosed on opiates almost 1.5 years ago. Kinda only went to her funeral to transport my disabled elderly father. Sat through the service, didn't drop a tear, listened to people eulogize her, all the time wondering if I was in the right room at the funeral parlor. Dad didn't want to go to the reception, so my fiance and I brought him home. We got in the car to go to the reception and I said to her "whose funeral was that? She said she was thinking the same thing".
Anyway, as soon as my dad goes and the estate is settled, just going to forget that I still have two sisters remaining. I don't need the grief and drama in my life. Just stuck with it because I'm the one who takes care of Dad and they have NO CLUE of the effect that has had on my life.
OP- what an opportunity you have to "be the change in this world". I had to learn in my early days to "modify" HOW I conveyed information. It made things easier to inter act with other less open minded folks.
I often use a Jovialness when delving out an otherwise complaint...such as Gee Uncle Johnny was Choppin wood in his sleep and its not even winter time to need the wood chopped! thus getting the message across without the snarkyness some delight in relaying.
Find a tactful way to discuss things with your sister. As you so kindly parlayed, none of us know you or her...so we can only convey some alternative ways of managing the scenario. Which is why you came here first.
Best to you and I sincerely hope you can re-direct your conversations with dear sis so that you both may find the goodness that your Mom raised you with.
OP- what an opportunity you have to "be the change in this world". I had to learn in my early days to "modify" HOW I conveyed information. It made things easier to inter act with other less open minded folks.
I often use a Jovialness when delving out an otherwise complaint...such as Gee Uncle Johnny was Choppin wood in his sleep and its not even winter time to need the wood chopped! thus getting the message across without the snarkyness some delight in relaying.
Find a tactful way to discuss things with your sister. As you so kindly parlayed, none of us know you or her...so we can only convey some alternative ways of managing the scenario. Which is why you came here first.
Best to you and I sincerely hope you can re-direct your conversations with dear sis so that you both may find the goodness that your Mom raised you with.
Bah, don't waste your energy. Be polite, be distant, don't give her real estate in your head.
I have a sister who is similar. When I reached the age of about 50, I decided to just accept her the way she is and live my life they way I wanted to, just being thoughtful about what and how I communicated with her.
She had mellowed out by middle age too. Now we are closer than ever.
Sometimes they get worse with age - bitter and desperate.
siblings are part of your parents family, as adults, you grow to form your own. You do not owe your sister squat, you do not have to listen to her, you do not have to deal with her. Hows about a big F word? You are siblings, and not supposed to be best friends.
Everyone forms their own personality, let her be herself, and you be you. If she is known to gossip, stop sharing stuff with her. You do not have to explain anything, or look for her approval. The less you share, the less people have to talk about. Again, you do not have to share with a "big mouth", if you do , you are opening the door for comment.
Do you have any expectations of behavior that you and your sister have agreed on?
Not really. We have never spoken or discussed this issue before. It was always the feeling that, she is right and I am wrong. But now that I am much older, I feel tired of it. I do feel a lot of resentment has always built up in me since thinking of times when she was bossy and manipulative. I simply cannot forget those things, and I once wrote her a letter about it and the way she was, she never acknowledged it at all. I should have brought it up but I never did.
Every time I had been happy (ie; the relationship with the English man) she'd downplay things. For example, she made fun of the fact that he was younger (that may be a big thing for some, I certainly didnt ask for it as he went after me and not vice versa). But I know she made fun of this because she would tell my aunt, and she in turn would tell me.
I am just about done with all the whispering and gossip, the constant competition for things, the jealousy I feel she has for some things. Considering the fact that she has more to be thankful of than I do, really.
Someone once said and some say it here, you dont need to like your family just because they are. However, I was always made to feel guilty about tha because of this aunt (sisters shouldn't fight, etc).
One being right and the other wrong is not the only possible outcome. Maybe that has been the problem. I read once in a self-help book, "Lord, let me forgive those who sin differently from me." We all have weaknesses.
plain and simple and maybe you think "oh what does she know, she's never had a sibling"
ok. true....but one thing i have learned in a long long life lived with just about everything but winning the lottery was flung at me and this is it:
we do this to ourselves. we allow bad behavior of others to get us all het up. You have to learn now, or better yet, yesterday:
1. that you can change no one but yourself.
2. no one can make you feel anything about yourself but what you LET them get away with
3. honestly???? you live three hours away..... she can call you 'til she's blue in the face, in fact, she can whinge, whine, moan, groan and kvetch to EVERYONE in the family how rude you are being to her...... IT SHOULD MATTER NOT..... you know the real story and you are allowing this to affect you.
here endeth me on my soapbox: LET HER GO. GET OFF OF HER BACK GET OUT OF HER WAY AND GET INTO YOUR LIFE!!!
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