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We don't have kids. That might change, but it is unlikely. I enjoy spending some time with kids, but I love traveling, reading, and doing my own thing. Same with my wife. We love each other and our marriage is doing great.
In the past year I started mentoring 1x1 a kid from a poorer area in town. We do all kinds of stuff - homework, kayaking, biking, TV. It is a great experience and I hope I will be able to have a positive impact on his life and break the cycle.
If we ever REALLY REALLY wanted a kid and were too old, we could try and adopt.
There are so many unwanted kids or kids in poor circumstances. Humans consume a lot of resources. Bringing a new kid to the world is definitely not a selfless act.
I know this is an old thread, but it popped up again in my feed, and while I've said this so many times, people need to stop and listen to others and understand, what is good for you isn't good for them, and not how they live their lives or want to live their lives.
My two sisters never wanted children, and I feel sorry for them, but it's not what they wanted...and I don't get to live their life, it's none of my business....doesn't make them wrong, or right, period. It just is!
btw, thank you for what you are doing for that kid. I came up in a home probably much like his and it is only because of many people as yourself, that I am where I am....
I've made a whole lot of bad choices over the years, some very serious life choices....some good some not good, but the short of it is, if it hadn't been for so many positive influences in my life, I can honestly say, "Thank God for them", and thank God for you, your saving that kids life....
I think the reason that people view those who don't want children as different or strange is that the drive to reproduce is one of mankind's most primal urges. To deny it is to openly declare that you have chosen to be different, to travel the road not taken. This makes people uncomfortable. Parents especially tend to be defensive and even hostile in the company of the childfree. Note the tone of kapikap's response to the OP.
Like PA Hippo, I am a childfree woman in my late sixties who made the choice and doesn't regret it. I understand what kapikap is saying, though. No one will ever send me a Mother's Day card or hug me and call me Grandma. Every choice we make in life has its price. But getting older as a childfree person is not the pathetic, empty existence that kapikap imagines. We childfree people tend to fill our lives with other things. We pursue our careers and our interests and develop social connections with other like-minded folks. Believe me, there are a lot of us out there.
We even create our own "families" who support us and celebrate holidays with us. One of the best Thanksgiving dinners I ever had was not with relatives but with a group of friends. No drama and lots of laughter. And oh, I don't have a cat.
Good for you in creating the life you want and have wanted. But the OP seems to be justifying his choices. We see other posts along the same line from other posters.
You get to choose what you want. Others get to choose for themselves. Mostly, those of us who parent do not envy those who do not. We might wish for more time or money, but most of us do not regret being parents. There are many, many cases of childless parents who struggle to adopt or to have a child. These parents want to be parents.
But I do not understand why this is coming up in conversation, OP. Are you talking about this to people you want to date? Surely just a statement that you are childfree should be sufficient, if anyone asks.
If you don’t want to be a parent, then make sure you are never one.
OP I see nothing wrong with your topic, and yes, people with kids sometimes resent the freedoms enjoyed by others who chose not to have kids.
Sure. Sometimes.
But I take issue with the word "resent". I would substitute the word "envious". Sure, there were times I craved adult interaction, and would've liked a few hours of 'girl time'. Did I resent others who got to do that stuff? No.
I never truly 'get' these child-free people who feel like they have to justify their choices. I always feel like "Ok. That's fine. Go forth. Be happy!" and then I wonder why some feel the need to denigrate parents, for choosing a different path.
All choices have benefits and draw backs. Every decision has a consequence.
I'm 60, female, long time married and child free by choice. It's an unusual choice for people in my age group/demographic. I've had some conversation about it over the years, usually when someone inquires if I have children but I rarely bring the subject up myself. I have a "spiel" answer that covers the gist without getting into the complexities of the matter.
Some people feel sorry for me, some judge, some express envy but none of it matters as I am certain that we've made the right choice for ourselves.
Actually, I think it was the Boomer generation that began to make the child-free choice an acceptable option. Or at least, in the more liberal parts of the US, where the norms and mores of the 40's and 50's were loosening up and changing as the Boomers came of age.
To bump this thread again.....it happened again this past weekend when I was at a winery with friends who have kids
When one of the guys was joking about me someday having "little me's" running around, I quickly reminded him that I have no desire to have kids (I'm late 30's mind you) and that I love kids as long as I can return them to their parents at the end of the day.
Right away, a few of my other friends who were at the table, looked at me like "Why"? "Are you SURE you don't want kids"......as if I was missing out.
They gave me this impression that I'm totally missing out.
Ummmm........nevermind about how godly EXPENSIVE kids are in terms of not just money, but emotional toil as well as lower career earnings over a lifetime (opportunity cost).
Again, just to be clear, I have nothing against others who want and have kids, what I really find annoying is that they think that I'm missing out and that my life will somehow be better if I have them.
That is akin to someone questioning someone about why they didn't go to college, despite the fact that they have no student loan debt and mare great money in the trades. College isn't necessarily the better path. Same with not having kids.
Imagine if I kept telling these people that they are missing out by not working in the same career field as I do, and that their quality of life would skyrocket if they did? It would rightly be absurd.
Despite absolutely loving what I do for a career (transportation industry), I can absolutely relate to how many other people would HATE having to do what I do for work.
Can these people with kids not make the same analysis as I just did in my last paragraph when it comes to others not wanting kids? That's not a rhetorical question by the way.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that from time to time, OP. Do you live in a somewhat conservative, or "conventional" community in CT? My impression of CT is that it has preppie enclaves, IDK. There's so much more to life, than having kids! I'm glad you enjoy your career choice, and your life.
Actually, I think it was the Boomer generation that began to make the child-free choice an acceptable option. Or at least, in the more liberal parts of the US, where the norms and mores of the 40's and 50's were loosening up and changing as the Boomers came of age.
Well actually we were from a small town, where everyone married their childhood school sweethearts....so, at least where we lived, marriage was one great big option and our parents then encouraged it....
So, my sister's choices was not a generational think, but more so, simply what they wanted....
? Who knows, but I don't believe anyone should down another for not wanting children....that is a personal choice.
Once reliable and relatively safe birth control options became available, more women were able to choose the size of their families. Not withstanding, accidents happen. lol I think "the pill" became available in the 60's, right?
Once reliable and relatively safe birth control options became available, more women were able to choose the size of their families. Not withstanding, accidents happen. lol I think "the pill" became available in the 60's, right?
right but, adding, at that point in time, people feared taking it....for fear of complications, bleeding, etc....
Last edited by cremebrulee; 05-08-2019 at 11:11 AM..
right but, adding, at that point in time, people feared taking it....for fear of complications, bleeding, etc....
Sure. Like anything new, people had to get used to the idea. But it opened the door for other BC options as well. IUDs, spermicide gels, improved and safer pills, implants, etc.
Just saying, in the 60's, women had more control over the size of their families, or if they even wanted a family or not.
Sure. Like anything new, people had to get used to the idea. But it opened the door for other BC options as well. IUDs, spermicide gels, improved and safer pills, implants, etc.
Just saying, in the 60's, women had more control over the size of their families, or if they even wanted a family or not.
yes, they did, your right, we all did...
I believe IUD's caused a lot of problems, the pill also caused some unwanted side effects...I can't speak for anything else. I had to quit using the pill, and the IUD caused me some terrible problems which I won't get into. but for the most part, they worked pretty well...I don't believe IUD's are on the market any more, are they....I no longer know about these....
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