All the people I hang around with here are younger....way younger: is this wrong as a 50-something? (husband, male)

[kpl1228]

I'm a high school teacher in New Mexico, in a relatively small town (about 10,000 people). I've lived here a couple of years, and I'm not a churchgoer, not immersed in the social life of the town which revolves around families and extended families. I know I'm a bit of a fish out of water here....not a lot, just a little. I have no kids and am single, and am 54 and male, and divorced for some time. However, I like my school a lot, as well as the town overall.

That said, I'm starting to think I need to be hanging around people my own age. The people (mostly coworkers) I socialize with here run between 25 and 35.

So, recently in my first period high school class, a student who works part time at a nearby local restaurant said to me, "Why are you always hanging around the younger teachers?" I told her because everyone in town is 25 or 75, and I'm neither. I then showed up at the restaurant after school with a few other teachers, she saw me and shook her head (kiddingly), and I laughed. It's true, I always am with those younger folks. I also am the same age, or older, than my students' parents, as well as my younger friends' parents.

Another reason is I don't want to look like the weird creepy older lonely single guy. I also don't want to look, well, pathetic or strange. It's not a big city and while it's not a huge deal here, the student's comments made me start thinking. However, none of the family-driven 50-somethings I work with invite me anywhere, and the more-transient younger staff ask me to dinner, to the local bar (which has a wide age range btw), and to after-school events. All the time. And it's a great day or time whenever it happens, probably three or more times a week, even on weekends. I sometimes do the inviting, but more often than not it's them that ask me. I hang out with everyone at work (eat lunch etc), and I certainly talk to the coworkers that are my age and older, and am equally friendly with them. But they don't pull me into their world. That's actually fine with me. I don't have kids or grandkids and other than age, have more in common with the more adventurous younger group. Although a few of the younger group have young kids as well....but it's just a completely different vibe.

I don't feel old, am in relatively good shape but no triathlete (and I look somewhat younger), and am probably more outgoing and social than many my age (at least here), but I still think I should probably be diversifying my friendships more. There are occasionally times when I'm reminded that they are truly not my peers, such as bands, current events, life event chronology, etc). However, when I see the cluster of older folks around town together, they act stereotypically "old": griping, complaining about temperatures and volumes, and they are looking like they're one step from the grave. I'm not going through a midlife crisis, but people like me are rare in a small town like this. And as much as I enjoy the younger cohort, none of them remember when Jimmy Carter was President, MTV had music videos, and when cars had leaded gas. It just makes me feel like I'm adrift and on my own: everyone's but no one's. Sometimes.

This was not the case before I moved to the boonies and was a city kid back East. Everyone was my age, and not everyone my age was so insular as they are here. I also am not looking for affirmation ("Age is a number!" "You're only as old as you feel!" etc etc etc). I'm also thinking that maybe this is me being lazy: trying to immerse myself into my actual peers' world would require effort and dedication.

Thoughts?

[Spuggy]

Is there some universal law that states we should only have friends or socialize with people the same age? I like to have friends of all ages And tend not to stereotype any age group .

[hawaiiancoconut]

If the people you hang around with enjoy your company, and you enjoy theirs, how can this possibly be wrong?

[RamenAddict]

It sounds like you are in a small town with few options for socialization. I’m a fan of socializing with people because they share the same interests as you, not because they are the same age as you. You are hanging out with your coworkers, not the students. If people are acting like there is something wrong with that, it is their problem, not yours.

[maus]

It sounds like to me you are quite social despite some limitations of a small town. Given your situation, there is not much of a band of people in your age range who have time to socialize, they're probably mostly occupied with their immediate families. I'm glad to hear you like where you are and enjoy socializing with some of your coworkers. I would tell you in person to carry on and enjoy your social life with whoever you see fit.

[silibran]

The only thing I can think of for you is to join a volunteer or special interest group that takes in a large area that includes, but is not limited to, your town. You might be able to broaden your acquaintances that way. There have to be unattached people more your age out there whose company you would enjoy, even if they live in a neighboring town or county.

But kudos to you for enjoying younger people socially.

I do want to mention that often younger people leave for greener pastures after working for a time in a small town. So, I do think it would be wise to find and cultivate people who are older and settled in near you.

[Delahanty]

Originally Posted by kpl1228

I'm a high school teacher in New Mexico, in a relatively small town (about 10,000 people). I've lived here a couple of years, and I'm not a churchgoer, not immersed in the social life of the town which revolves around families and extended families. I know I'm a bit of a fish out of water here....not a lot, just a little. I have no kids and am single, and am 54 and male, and divorced for some time. However, I like my school a lot, as well as the town overall.

That said, I'm starting to think I need to be hanging around people my own age. The people (mostly coworkers) I socialize with here run between 25 and 35.

So, recently in my first period high school class, a student who works part time at a nearby local restaurant said to me, "Why are you always hanging around the younger teachers?" I told her because everyone in town is 25 or 75, and I'm neither. I then showed up at the restaurant after school with a few other teachers, she saw me and shook her head (kiddingly), and I laughed. It's true, I always am with those younger folks. I also am the same age, or older, than my students' parents, as well as my younger friends' parents.

Another reason is I don't want to look like the weird creepy older lonely single guy. I also don't want to look, well, pathetic or strange. It's not a big city and while it's not a huge deal here, the student's comments made me start thinking. However, none of the family-driven 50-somethings I work with invite me anywhere, and the more-transient younger staff ask me to dinner, to the local bar (which has a wide age range btw), and to after-school events. All the time. And it's a great day or time whenever it happens, probably three or more times a week, even on weekends. I sometimes do the inviting, but more often than not it's them that ask me. I hang out with everyone at work (eat lunch etc), and I certainly talk to the coworkers that are my age and older, and am equally friendly with them. But they don't pull me into their world. That's actually fine with me. I don't have kids or grandkids and other than age, have more in common with the more adventurous younger group. Although a few of the younger group have young kids as well....but it's just a completely different vibe.

I don't feel old, am in relatively good shape but no triathlete (and I look somewhat younger), and am probably more outgoing and social than many my age (at least here), but I still think I should probably be diversifying my friendships more. There are occasionally times when I'm reminded that they are truly not my peers, such as bands, current events, life event chronology, etc). However, when I see the cluster of older folks around town together, they act stereotypically "old": griping, complaining about temperatures and volumes, and they are looking like they're one step from the grave. I'm not going through a midlife crisis, but people like me are rare in a small town like this. And as much as I enjoy the younger cohort, none of them remember when Jimmy Carter was President, MTV had music videos, and when cars had leaded gas. It just makes me feel like I'm adrift and on my own: everyone's but no one's. Sometimes.

This was not the case before I moved to the boonies and was a city kid back East. Everyone was my age, and not everyone my age was so insular as they are here. I also am not looking for affirmation ("Age is a number!" "You're only as old as you feel!" etc etc etc). I'm also thinking that maybe this is me being lazy: trying to immerse myself into my actual peers' world would require effort and dedication.

Thoughts?

1. People have friends of all ages.

2. Things certainly have changed, and not always for the better. Because that high school student sounds like a snot.

[WellShoneMoon]

Do you think that the younger co-workers you hang out with think you are pathetic, or creepy, or strange? It sounds to me as though they like your company, enough to keep asking you to join them, at any rate.

My closest friend is 20 years younger than I am. My husband was 21 years older than me, and we were together for 25 years. Yes, the music thing can present a small problem*, but other than that, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

*Once I insisted that my husband go with me to a Rolling Stones concert. He said afterward that he enjoyed it, and was happy to report that his hearing came back within 24 hours!

[KML28]

Age is how you feel - not always about your physical age.

One my best friend is 20 years younger than me - we have a lot in common and age difference helps sometimes to see things in different perspective.

Some people of my own age group just fall into the stereotype and I feel miserable just listening to them -

Friends are greatest gifts and the good thing is you can choose whom you want to be friends with!!!

As long as the people you are with - enjoy your company - enjoy yourself - don't be self-conscious about it

[bluefrogs]

Hey, there is nothing wrong with what you do. Teenagers are known for making teachers insecure.
You are not a creepy guy as long as you respect people's boundaries. Creepy people just violate them left and right. I think we are brainwashed by the media to have friends 'our' age.
Chronologically you are 50, but you probably act like you are 35, so you attract liked minded people. And besides, today your friends are 35, eventually they are going to be your age anyways.
I have the opposite situation but I prefer hanging out with older folks. They seem much more patient than people my age. People my age are kind of immature and just want to talk about the latest fashion puff piece.
If you really want to meet people of your age group, I would suggest finding a meetup group in your city for teachers, professionals in your 50s or whatever hobbies you do after work. Or move back to the East Coast. It is more populated and they could use more teachers.