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I'd say it depends. For whatever it is worth, if I had 5 friends I kept in contact after college and all 5 of those friends were in my wedding party, I only went to ONE of their weddings and that's the only person I'm still in contact with. Now, I don't believe that is the singular reason this one friend is still in contact. Life moved on. When I got married, I was the first. They were all single, no kids. By the time one friend got married, I still had no kids but lived 1000 miles away. So, I went to his wedding. But by the time the other ones got married, I had 2+ small children and their weddings were about 1000 miles away. I talked to them on the phone and sent them a nice wedding gift. No thank you for that.
Maybe attendance does mean something? I don't know to be honest.
No. It's the agreeing, backing out and then lying about it that means something.
I was just at a wedding yesterday and one whole table on the groom's side was a no show, and it was right in the middle of the room, so it really stuck out. Not only was it rude, but three people had called the bride on Friday asking if they could change their no to yes and she had to turn them down because she had no room for them. It really brought home how important it is to show up when you say you will.
Something similar happened to a relative of mine. It was quite frustrating for them to pay for the meals of the people who RSVP "Yes" and did not show up (twelve people!) but have to turn away several very good friends whose plans had changed in the weeks between the invitation and the event (and had originally RSVP "No") because the venue had a strict size limit.
I think anyone who thinks the sudden backing out after RSVPing affirmatively is totally okay has never planned a larger scale/formal social event before.
I think anyone who thinks the sudden backing out after RSVPing affirmatively is totally okay has never planned a larger scale/formal social event before.
Exactly this. They don't get why it's so rude and inconsiderate.
I think anyone who thinks the sudden backing out after RSVPing affirmatively is totally okay has never planned a larger scale/formal social event before.
Yep, not only will they have accommodated space and food for OP, but they may have even arranged seating (and who knows, OP might have been placed at a "singles" table).
Also I know some couples will maintain a B-list of guests in case the first round of invitations yielded too many "no" RSVPs. OP RSVP-ing yes and then not showing may have prevented someone else from being invited at all.
Perhaps the whole scripted, proscribed, customary, rote structure of many weddings needs to be changed and/or challenged.
That's kind of a shallow notion on your part. A wedding isn't entertainment, a show put on for you to applaud its aesthetics. It is two people deciding to join their lives together.
Gotta say it. A guy I knew pretty well in college and after that moved to Pennsylvania. Two years later, he invited me to his wedding.
Ken was a pretty socially awkward guy, with not a huge number of friends. I went to the wedding and am glad I did. I was his only friend to show up. They made me the best man. I gave the groomsman toast. During the wedding, her side of the church was full while his side was almost deserted. I felt really bad for him, so I'm glad that I went. Otherwise, he would have had no one at all.
Perhaps the whole scripted, proscribed, customary, rote structure of many weddings and weddings themselves need to be changed and/or challenged.
You can do that with a small and modest wedding, but as the guest list and vendor list increases, it has to be structured out of necessity. You can't spend 4 or 5 figures and treat it like a weekend barbecue.
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