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Perhaps the whole scripted, proscribed, customary, rote structure of many weddings and weddings themselves need to be changed and/or challenged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12
Getting married at City Hall or the Courthouse by a Justice of the Peace, Judge, or Officiant/Official works well.
I agree completely. I hope not to receive another wedding invitation. When I hear someone I know is getting married in a ceremony with no guest list, I’m ecstatic. The wedding should only be about the 2 people.
Instead of driving 6 hours both ways, treat yourself to a train, bus, or plane ride . . . so you can relax & read, visit with other travelers, or whatever on the way to & from. This way you'll avoid putting wear & tear on your car, and also can be well rested when you get back home. . . . And, you won't have a guilty conscience. Guilty consciences --& the reason/s for them-- are often what kill friendships.
Last edited by 2Q&Lrn&Hlp; 09-18-2018 at 03:40 PM..
I agree completely. I hope not to receive another wedding invitation. When I hear someone I know is getting married in a ceremony with no guest list, I’m ecstatic. The wedding should only be about the 2 people.
For you, maybe, but some people are excited and they want to share their celebration with the people who matter to them. The time for the guests to express their opinions is when they RSVP. That's the issue that people have with the OP, not that he doesn't like weddings.
For you, maybe, but some people are excited and they want to share their celebration with the people who matter to them. The time for the guests to express their opinions is when they RSVP. That's the issue that people have with the OP, not that he doesn't like weddings.
That’s fair. I’ve given no RSVPs to the vast majority of the weddings I’ve been invited to attend. I think he should have RSVP’ed no at that time. The RSVP card is a free pass to do whatever you want. Given the situation, it was better for OP to break his RSVP commitment than attend a wedding he didn't want to attend.
I agree completely. I hope not to receive another wedding invitation. When I hear someone I know is getting married in a ceremony with no guest list, I’m ecstatic. The wedding should only be about the 2 people.
Maybe you think so, but that has never been the case. Going way to the wedding at Canaan, weddings have been treated as a community celebration, a joining together of families to create a new family. In every culture, all over the world.
But what do 2000 years of history and global culture know. If you say it should be private for everyone, then I guess we have been doing it wrong.
That’s fair. I’ve given no RSVPs to the vast majority of the weddings I’ve been invited to attend. I think he should have RSVP’ed no at that time. The RSVP card is a free pass to do whatever you want. Given the situation, it was better for OP to break his RSVP commitment than attend a wedding he didn't want to attend.
There’s only one person OP’s decision was better for.
It would have been so easy (and polite) to google the wedding location and RSVP no, or at least back out of the RSVP way earlier before reception plans had been finalized. A few people are working really hard to justify this blatant rudeness. It has nothing to do with what you think of big weddings and everything to do with not keeping your word and trying to pretend you’re doing them a favor. SMH.
For most, a wedding is intended to be a once in a lifetime event. I don't know the guest list number, but most people can't afford to have 300 in attendance, like was common when my folks married, so most have carefully whittled away at their list to invite those who mean something to them. Sure, there are always those who hastily add names in bulk to have people present, cuz people = presents... or, feel obligated to invite certain co-workers, friends or family they'd rather bypass... but it's too costly to have such a cavalier guest list nowadays, in most cases.
These are the times when being an adult, who keeps promises, comes into play. It's a one off event. You accepted the invite, went to the pre-party... be there for the after-party. Just be more careful before accepting in the future.
Were I him, I'd be thinking something off-putting came up during the bachelor party that made you shun the wedding & reception... I'd more than likely feel slighted... & it may get in the way of striving to remain in touch, in the future. He's your friend, so show that you're a friend & follow through.
Use it as a learning experience for future invites. Enjoy the drive instead of looking at it like a chore. And, have a good time at the wedding, supporting your friend, who thought enough of you that he invited you from 6-hrs away. That's how much you mean to him.
Maybe you think so, but that has never been the case. Going way to the wedding at Canaan, weddings have been treated as a community celebration, a joining together of families to create a new family. In every culture, all over the world.
Receiving wedding invitations has mostly been an inconvenience for me. I can't say that there's ever been a wedding that I skipped where attending would have been a benefit for me. OP didn't see a benefit of attending this wedding, so he skipped.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Debsi
There’s only one person OP’s decision was better for.
It would have been so easy (and polite) to google the wedding location and RSVP no, or at least back out of the RSVP way earlier before reception plans had been finalized. A few people are working really hard to justify this blatant rudeness. It has nothing to do with what you think of big weddings and everything to do with not keeping your word and trying to pretend you’re doing them a favor. SMH.
Primarily, the OP's decision was better for himself. He saved himself time and the emotional trauma that would have occurred had he went. But I think it's false to say that he's the only one that benefited. I believe other attendees of that wedding benefited from him not being there. The bride and groom benefited as well. Everyone had a better time as a result of someone choosing to skip that didn't want to be there.
His decision not to attend will not impact his friendship with the guy who just got married. Even if he had attended, they will likely only see each other 1-2 times a year. It's not expected to be much of a relationship, so there really was no reason to bother.
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