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I had a friend whose husband forbade her to be friends with me. I didn't know it at the time, and we hadn't been in touch that much because we lived about fifty miles apart, she was a SAHM and I was divorced and working full-time. We were never NOT friends, but we didn't hang out. I thought it was just that we had different lives.
Some years later we started hanging out together more along with another friend (we'd all once worked together) and by then I knew she had met someone else and was cheating on her control freak of a husband. They subsequently tried counseling, but she didn't want to make the marriage work, and they divorced.
Only then did she tell me that she had been deliberately avoiding me for a few years. She reminded me of a time long before when we were all in the company bowling league and having drinks afterward and a friend of her husband's got into an argument with her and called her a word that is spelled "see you next Tuesday". I remember the fight because she went after the guy, trying to swing her bag with the bowling ball in it at his head but unable to lift it that high. It is a comical memory in my mind.
Anyway, she had told her husband she didn't like that guy because of what he called her and didn't want him at their house anymore. He said OK on the condition that she dump me as a friend because he didn't want her to hang around with a divorced woman because I would lead her astray.
As it turned out, she went astray without me to influence her.
I don't understand this. What are the sexes of the players here? Are you female and expect a male friend's female wife to have no issues with you hanging out with her husband - and you're straight?
If so, forgettaboutit. If you're an ex-lover, absolutely forgettabout it.
Then, the wife of the male friend is absolutely right to defend her position. It's do or die when you're a female wife vs. female "friend" of husband or ex-lover of husband. No frickin way I'd be okay with that.
Just add alcohol is the joke - regarding ex-lovers and the likelihood of them hooking up again. Especially, if the female "friend" has come to town and supposedly just wants to do "friend" stuff.
Anyone who has been around the block knows exactly what the female "friend" is hoping will happen.
If the wife needs to act crazy to protect her position and family, then that's not actually crazy at all - it's strategy. And good for her, is what I say.
Me and my best friend are male. And I agree that if I was a woman, that it probably wouldn't be wise to be that close to him.
I haven't lost my best friend. We are still able to talk on the phone and on FB. I totally understand and would expect things to change once someone starts a family. I have always been good friends with his wife; she actually once told me I was the best person out of anyone else in his circle that he could have as a friend. But now things are different, and it's making me not want to visit him anymore. And for those who keep saying there is more to the story, there isn't.
I would also like to point out that when I do fly down to visit, I can hangout with his brother and his wife, or just his brother, andI never have this issue with him. Mind you his brother has a kid, and owns his own business. Also, why is that both his brother and his wife feel the same way about her? His brother constantly tells me that he wishes he'd divorce her because he could better. He even told me that his mother has said it a few times.
I am sorry for you, but I'm not going to fault the wife either without having her side. Why you think she is mad at you may not be the only reason.
I'm sorry again that you are being pushed out. I can't speak for his wife, but once I had a feeling for someone, whether warranted or not, I really had a hard time pushing past that. You don't know what arrangement they agreed on, but that's their business and he needs to follow it if he wants to keep his marriage and put his family first. Any contact with you would just keep adding fuel to the fire. I'd back off and let the friend come to you if the situation changes. He might get divorced or wife could mellow out; there's no telling what will happen in the future.
I am sorry for you, but I'm not going to fault the wife either without having her side. Why you think she is mad at you may not be the only reason.
I'm sorry again that you are being pushed out. I can't speak for his wife, but once I had a feeling for someone, whether warranted or not, I really had a hard time pushing past that. You don't know what arrangement they agreed on, but that's their business and he needs to follow it if he wants to keep his marriage and put his family first. Any contact with you would just keep adding fuel to the fire. I'd back off and let the friend come to you if the situation changes. He might get divorced or wife could mellow out; there's no telling what will happen in the future.
Understandable. And if there is more of a reason as to why she doesn't like me now, I have no idea what it could be. I have backed off for now and have decided he can come to me if he wants to talk or even wants me to come visit. We will see what happens.
LOL, out to get me huh? I have told you the reason. She thinks I was hooking up with one of her closest friends.
I don't understand why this would be a problem on her end--what's inherently bad about you and her friend having a fling? The fact that she's upset by the thought of you hooking up with a friend of hers doesn't really point to the fact that she thinks you're a great guy, and does imply that there's more to the story.
I don't understand why this would be a problem on her end--what's inherently bad about you and her friend having a fling? The fact that she's upset by the thought of you hooking up with a friend of hers doesn't really point to the fact that she thinks you're a great guy, and does imply that there's more to the story.
It's because she was actually her cousin by marriage once. But once her Mom got divorced, that all changed. Yet she still considers her a cousin, so in her eyes, it's family. So to her its' disrespectful. But I never did anything with her regardless! Never have, never will! I do know that she isn't a fan of my political views too. Which is funny seeing as her husband has the same viewpoints as me. As I said, if there's "more to the story," it's stuff I don't know about because I haven't been told what her other reasons are.
The wife's behavior is irrational and crossing the line. If people are going to play positions, the wife needs to play hers correctly and stop trying to control her husband's friendships.
I also don’t agree. My best friend was here first, he’s not going anywhere. Any girl ever came between our friendship she can take a hike wife or not. My wife comes first, yes, but to have the title “wife” and keep it, you’ll respect my long time friends or you won’t be wife anymore. Boundaries are important and so is loyalty. I made it clear to any girl from the start that nobody comes between my friends and I and survives that. Not going to happen.
Whoever makes me choose in general is gone, pretty simple. I wouldn’t tolerate my wife abusing my friends.
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I have told you the reason. She thinks I was hooking up with one of her closest friends.
