Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My family had an alcoholic member, who did not live in the same town. They were aware of his excessive drinking from visits but passed it off. His father was a heavy drinker. He did not share the information about lost jobs and other problems with them.
When he joined AA, got straightened out and got a good job.....they were humiliated with the news, went into total denial that he had had a problem and rebuked him for what he did.
We had some family members with mental illness based on suicides, alcoholism, multiple broken marriages, etc., traced back 5 generations. there is no doubt in my mind mental illness is hereditary as it can be seen when reading between the lines in our ancestry. mentally ill family members had children with other mentally ill people, mentally healthy people don't marry mentally ill people, and the genetics were passed on.
the mentally ill family members I knew growing up are all now dead and we don't have any contact with their descendants.
Anyone here have a family member with an addiction? How did you cope ? How do you still cope?
I have a half brother that’s been on heroin for over 15 years now . We have no relationship . He won’t get clean , and if he does go to rehab . It’s for a few days ... then back to the drug
I also have a mom that is a gambling addict . We have a descent relationship. However , she is always broke . Lost a paid off house to gambling and still doesn’t think she has a problem . She doesn’t work , and practically does nothing . She has a lot of good qualities about her but gambling really has been bad since I was a kid.
I moved to a completely different state . I’m married with two kids and I’m the complete opposite of them . I felt like moving out of town was the only way I could live a normal life .
Anyone else have similar situations with immediate family? No family is perfect , I know this .
LOL.
Is there anyone in my extended family that doesn't have an addiction issue....my family of origin, going back multiple generations, has been destroyed by one addiction or another.
Personally, I do the the recovery groups, personal therapy, and attend a Unity church to deal with all my
"things".
Paternal grandfather was a complete alcoholic and heavy smoker. He barely ate, looked like a shambling scarecrow and was a nasty piece of work into the bargain. Died at 59.
Paternal grandmother, ex-wife of above, literal falling down drunk (in public!), heavy smoker, breathed like a bellows so you couldn't sleep in the same room with her. She was a good grandmother when sober enough and made it to 74.
My father, son of both above, was a functional alcoholic and heavy, heavy smoker until his health completely unraveled: recurrent pneumonia, pancreatitis, gallstones, kidney failure, diabetes, heart failure. He spent a month in the hospital, lost his job and had to retire early. Made it all the way to 69. Turned 69 in January, died in February.
Maternal grandmother also a falling down drunk. Quite a few scenes not meant for small children, but she managed to quit when I was about 8 (big holiday scene, police, ambulance, OMG). She never quit smoking. One of her daughters, my aunt, also smoked, and still does.
Current generation my sister drank like a fish, to blackout extent. I smoked for 36 years. I believe with all my heart addictions and addictive behavior are genetic. How often I have thanked God not to have given me that alcoholic gene. I will never stop being grateful.
Thats crazy that you say that. I did not mention it but I have another brother (different father than me) thats mentally ill. Well , we think he is. Back in HS he thought ppl were breaking into our house and they were on the roof. He called the police and they sent him off for mental evaluation. He has also struggled with drugs, and being a big time alcoholic. Once he would get drunk, forget about it. There was no talking to him. My wife called him a POS one night and he was always in abusive relationships. (unsure why) I talk to to him on occasion, but not a lot.
He can work for a certain amount of time , and he is really good at what he does (and makes good money) , but the stress cracks him about 7-8 months in and then he relapses.
When I moved out of State he followed us here and for an entire year was living by here, but he eventually went back home. He visited here a few months back and kept trying to talk us in to moving back home. The thought of going back to Illinois and living there stresses me out thinking about it.
Wow! Follow your instincts and do NOT move back near him. And if, God forbid, he moves near you (something my brother is trying to do), just stand firm and do not take any legal (or otherwise) responsibility for him. He sounds like he may be bipolar. Meds could help but they can not cure bipolar disorder.
Almost every single member of my family on both sides is an addict.
How did it affect me? I sort of keep my distance.
When a mom chooses every single day she wakes up to NOT be a mom, and to do "addict things" instead of love her child, that child will for life be a level of broken that can NEVER be repaired. It is bad enough to just walk around broken- feels like everyone knows you are sssoo terribly un-loveable that even Mom didn't want you- as obvious as if I were walking around in a Barney the Dinosaur Costume. That feeling is multiplied by 10 when I have any interaction at all with her. I will call her about once per month to see if she's is still alive, and that's about it.
Dad has been sober for 17 years. That said, he is the same person, but without alcohol. Meaning, the same personality issues which tied into alcohol are still present. This makes it difficult to hang out with him for too long, but yes he and I are closer now that he is sober.
Extended family are only seen on rare occasions, so not too hard to avoid them for the most part.
Last edited by MarshaBrady1968; 10-10-2019 at 03:40 PM..
Anyone here have a family member with an addiction? How did you cope ? How do you still cope?
I have a half brother that’s been on heroin for over 15 years now . We have no relationship . He won’t get clean , and if he does go to rehab . It’s for a few days ... then back to the drug
I also have a mom that is a gambling addict . We have a descent relationship. However , she is always broke . Lost a paid off house to gambling and still doesn’t think she has a problem . She doesn’t work , d practically does nothing . She has a lot of good qualities about her but gambling really has been bad since I was a kid.
I moved to a completely different state . I’m married with two kids and I’m the complete opposite of them . I felt like moving out of town was the only way I could live a normal life .
Anyone else have similar situations with immediate family? No family is perfect , I know this .
Believe me! I know. And I am sorry for your predicament.
This is really really serious.
Addiction is the saddest painful malady in my experience.Its torture.
It is a disease that tells the addicted that there is no disease.
There is nothing you can do to force or reason with them. There is no way to persuade, cajole, manipulate them successfully. They are always one step ahead of where their next fix is coming from and that occupies all the time they might have shared with you.
You and your children are in danger of passing on what your mother modelled for you growing up. It is very important that you seek ways to change the behavioral dynamics handed down in your family's psyche.
The family of the addict also become ill with things like co-dependency.
I highly recommend Al-Anon, Narc-Anon, Gam-Anon. These meetings usually open daily to families of addicts where others (and yourself) in attendance share their experience, hope and strength. People just like you with the same or similar troubles. "Don't quit the meetings before the miracle happen"s.
Addiction is in my family lineage going back to at least 1841. I can't find out if it goes back any further.
I got sober after several attempts in detox and rehabs. But my brother did not make it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
