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well every rental place we lived, had a fridge supplied by the landlord.
I agree OP, let it go.
I have never rented a place with a refrigerator and would think that it would be kind of gross. Only one place around here that I know of had refrigerators and it was kind of a joke. Most of the renters already have refrigerators and would move the apartment units out on the balcony so they could get their own refrigerator in the kitchen.
Ellen, I am not completely sure what your SIL even meant. Does she not live with a fridge nowadays? Is her point that we live with more things and conveniences than people did years ago? That's not a newsflash. But outside of some of those reality shows where people live for a couple of months as previous generations did many years ago or the occasional individual who wants to simplify things and live off the grid, knowing that even our close ancestors lived in less square feet, didn't have computers or granite countertops or microwaves or man caves, etc. doesn't stop anyone from craving what they want/feel they deserve, which is how people live now.
At the very least, SIL is a lousy conversationalist. That's almost a non sequitur to bring up about the fridge. Is she mentally all together? But the worst is that she was telling you to buck up and shut up---that your current concerns are meaningless to her and she doesn't even want to discuss it. It's possible she couldn't help you come up with a solution, but would a little empathy kill her, saying your problems must be stressful or even just that she isn't sure what she would do in your situation?
I don't see what bringing this up would do---chances are she wouldn't change/apologize. I would just limit my interactions with her and be resigned to her not being interested in what I am going through, be it deep or superficial, and not waste my breath. And maybe feel a little sorry for her---because one or the other she is a stunted individual, either just conversationally or more importantly, emotionally in terms of having empathy for and interest in another human being---one who isn't even just a stranger, but her SIL.
The lack of a caring response stings, I know. I had a friend who is kind of curt and brusque. We got together as planned for lunch and a museum visit. I remarked that I wasn't even sure I should have come because I literally had not slept at all the night before (I had entered a year-long bad bout of insomnia). Her reply: "That's nothing. That's happened to me" and went on to say that when she travels she takes sleeping pills to ensure a good night's sleep. I had never discussed any health issues with her before because I was fortunate enough to not have any, so it's not like I was a bore always doing the organ recital. And I had listened to plenty of her problems, none of which was life-threatening or even that painful. So if it's not a problem to miss a night of sleep, why does she take pills when she travels? I eventually stopped seeing her because I felt like we were just activity partners but not true friends. Don't know if you have to see SIL.
I'm not understanding how this scenario/decision rose to the level of needing input from others on how to handle. In your defense you did say you have a problem making decisions. I sympathize with you because if these type of interactions bring drama into your life, I would imagine you live a frequently concerned life. Don't sweat the small stuff is a good little book that's worth keeping handy.
Same here. Part of the benefit of renting is that if the fridge or stove/oven dies, repair or replacement isn’t my responsibility.
This is true in most parts of the US, but even so, you might have to wait some time for a repair. That’s particularly the case if a part needs to be ordered that is not immediately available or it is some sort of warranty repair. Even in a rental, you can’t really expect immediate service unless it is a health and safety issue like a broken water pipe, no heat, a gas leak, a messed up circuit breaker cutting off all your power, etc...
As other people have pointed out, we don’t know what precipitated the OP’s complaint. Did she have to wait a week for a repair, or was the fridge out of service for months? We don’t have that information. If it was the latter, I wouldn’t even need to solicit suggestions- I’d be moving.
Yeah, pass up on that urge. People share like-experiences with others to convey empathy. Empathy is being helpful. If she's the type that always has one-up stories, well that's different.
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SIL is another professional victim. Do not bug her and don't ask for anything useful and you won't be disappointed.
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At the very least, SIL is a lousy conversationalist. That's almost a non sequitur to bring up about the fridge. Is she mentally all together?
Or, you know, she may have just made an offhand comment about the fridge to indicate that she had never been in a similar situation and had no real comparison point, no experience and thus no advice for such a situation. Maybe SIL is thinking OP has no empathy to not have considered it from the POV of someone who didn't grow up in America, so why would she even ask to begin with? Two sides to every story.
You said she's overly sensitive. I think you may be also. I mean, were you really stunned? A comment like that really shouldn't be so upsetting.
If she's had a hard life, and you're complaining about relatively trivial problems, I can understand why she would say that. It puts things in perspective. Some of us, myself included, often take for granted how fortunate we are.
Having said that, I can totally understand where you're coming from in terms of expecting stuff in your apartment to work properly. I just don't understand why her comment bothered you so much.
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Originally Posted by DubbleT
Or, you know, she may have just made an offhand comment about the fridge to indicate that she had never been in a similar situation and had no real comparison point, no experience and thus no advice for such a situation. Maybe SIL is thinking OP has no empathy to not have considered it from the POV of someone who didn't grow up in America, so why would she even ask to begin with? Two sides to every story.
I agree with these two comments and with those who have said to just let it go. It may not have been the most helpful thing to say, but it doesn't sound like she started going on and on about her own difficulties with living spaces. Surely not everything you've said in a conversation has been helpful to your conversational partner? If it has been, that's amazing. Good on you. But most people say things here and there that may not be the best to have said in the moment. Let it go. And I'd likely also put in my memory bank that this person is not one to complain to because she's not likely to give you the support you are looking for.
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