Hiding health issues from the family (wife, siblings, person, brother)

[HappyFarm34]

I know some may disagree. Anyone else do this. I think if there's a valid reason for doing so, then it's their right.

Recently, I was diagnosed by a cardiologist with borderline concentric LVH (left ventricular hypertrophy). It can increase the risks of a heart attack or stroke.

My mom preaches about eating right like she's a medical expert and how all these chemicals are so bad to our health. She'll preach to anyone that'll listen to her. And no, she doesn't have a degree in the medical/health field. She seems to think medical aliments including cancer, diabetes, diseases etc. is related to not eating properly. She literally spend hours listening to these Quackers on YouTube giving out misleading medical advice.

I've seen people that seem to eat healthy and still get cancer, diabetes etc. She's completely ignorant to the fact sometime certain conditions is genetic or predisposed in getting the condition.

If I told her that I have LVH, it would just give her another thing to worry about and blame me for not eating properly. I was born with a heart murmur that was repaired at a young age. Then recently, developing another heart issue. I don't know if the 2 conditions are related.

[Mattie]

No, as an adult you don't have to share your health issues with your mother if you choose not to. Certainly your cardiologist has told you that a healthy diet and regular exercise can keep the symptoms of LVH from worsening. So, maybe Mom does know best?

[zentropa]

I assume you are going to do everything you can to change your lifestyle to be healthy...why would you want to hide that from people who care about you and could support you? You are not a naughty child so no need to act like it.

[Zoisite]

Borderline, eh? I agree with you that you should not say anything to your mom. There's no point in burdening her with extra things to be anxious about when your borderline condition might never amount to anything anyway. From the sounds of things she probably already has more than enough worries on her plate and that kind of additional mental stress can kill a person. You're a grown up, independent adult so just keep it to yourself and focus on taking personal responsibility for improving your health and eating habits without her worrying about you and feeling like she needs to prompt you to look after yourself.

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[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by Mattie

No, as an adult you don't have to share your health issues with your mother if you choose not to. Certainly your cardiologist has told you that a healthy diet and regular exercise can keep the symptoms of LVH from worsening. So, maybe Mom does know best?

The thing is I already do eat healthy most days and can do limited, non-strenuous exercise like walking. I’m not able to run or ride a bike well. Always been that way even as kid. Being born with a heart murmur can affect physical activity. My mom is a vegan and constantly tells the family how bad meat, dairy and oils are. She even got mad when my brother’s wife fed their kid a hot dog.

I actually stopped being a mother’s helper to a family because literally every morning for breakfast, the kids would eat those Little muffin bites. That’s what the mom told me to feed them. I became disgusted by it. Both parents are obese. And one of their kids was just too hyperactive for me to deal with.

Originally Posted by zentropa

I assume you are going to do everything you can to change your lifestyle to be healthy...why would you want to hide that from people who care about you and could support you? You are not a naughty child so no need to act like it.

‘cause noone wants to be preached at about what they’re already doing or disagree with. My siblings thinks she has a problem with it as well so it’s not just me. It’s one thing to bring up the conversation occasionally and respect other people’s eating habits. It doesn’t do anyone good to compulsively worrying about what they can’t control. My mom “lives to eat” Her life revolves around food and how not to die. I “eat to live”. There’s a difference in those 2 statements.

Originally Posted by Zoisite

Borderline, eh? I agree with you that you should not say anything to your mom. There's no point in burdening her with extra things to be anxious about when your borderline condition might never amount to anything anyway. From the sounds of things she probably already has more than enough worries on her plate and that kind of additional mental stress can kill a person. You're a grown up, independent adult so just keep it to yourself and focus on taking personal responsibility for improving your health and eating habits without her worrying about you and feeling like she needs to prompt you to look after yourself.
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Exactly. I’m sure my mom wouldn’t like it and probably would be downright hurtful if I told her if she would of ate better while being pregnant with me, I wouldn’t of been born with health problems.

[wasel]

When a friend of mine found a new lump in her chest, after having been treated for breast cancer several years ago and had a mastectomy, she said, "I just don't know what I've done wrong."

This is a woman who has been a professional fitness trainer for decades, teaches fitness classes and has been a marathon bike rider for several years. She eats healthy most of the time -- has the occasional binge like the rest of us but I would say she mostly eats fruits and veggies with some meat. I say this only to point out that cancer or any illness can strike people who DO live healthy lifestyles.

Another friend of mine went through breast cancer about 6 years ago and said the same thing.

All of these comments about health and lifestyle, while they have some merit, really do nothing but shame people for being responsible for getting sick. I mean, if someone gets a devastating diagnosis, i can certainly see why they'd be afraid to tell people who are lifestyle "preachers."

[delhidi]

I wouldn't tell my mother either. Keep it to yourself. No need to "freak" mom out that would cause her to lecture you about your health and eating habits. Just take care of yourself and follow doctors orders and have a happy life.

[oh-eve]

I would not worry her either. No need to worry mom if this condition hopefully never shows.

However, just for yourself - eat and live healthy, do the best you can for yourself.

[shamrock4]

No need to tell your mother your personal business. As an adult, you can manage your condition with the help of your doctor.

If informing your mother would cause her to harp on the issue, the stress could be harmful to both you and your mother.

[G-fused]

You are under zero obligation to share personal health info with anyone - no matter what the reason. Best of luck.