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^^^This!
Your friend most likely developing some type of dementia.
In his mind he is a young virile man in love with the woman...
Unfortunately, some people with dementia may even confuse their children or grandchildren with their late husband/ wife especially if there is some resemblance and talk to them/ become sexually inappropriate with them as if they are their spouse.
Sorry about your friend...
A dear friend in his mid 70s, divorced, has developed a crush on his doctor. He's mentioned her before. She is mid-30s, married with small kids. I Men of all ages often misread friendliness from women they are attracted to as something more. It's kind of sad. He lives in another city so we email. Should I just ignore it when he mentions her?
"She is the most desirable woman I know and we are both attracted strongly. Our eyes smile at each other all the time and never lose contact for a moment - the body language is intense. As I left she put out her hand to shake, which I did of course. No doctor ever before, male or female has done that."
He has a textbook case of Erotomania:
Erotomania is a rare disorder in which an individual has a delusional belief that a person of higher social status falls in love and makes amorous advances toward him/her. Most are isolated, depressed, without a partner, or occupation. Little is known about treatment outcomes.
You can also search for:
Erotomania In The Elderly
Erotomania Variants In Dementia
Do try to be positive in a truthful and friendly way to your friend, while maintaining your usual flow of conversation. Kindly try to guide him to seek support from professionals for his psychological disorder, which may also be caused by several physical diseases as well.
Last edited by glenninindy; 10-26-2019 at 01:41 AM..
I had a 75 year old neighbor go thru this with a 40 year old girl at his church. He made a fool out of himself and stopped attending church. My neighbor had early dementia.
You just described how it all went to heck and then you tell him to let his friend go down this road?
What?
No. Op. Snap your friend back down to reality.
Yeah, I admit that I contradicted myself in my post. My supervisor never touched me in any way or did anything that was physically inappropriate, so in that sense he was harmless. But making me feel so emotionally uncomfortable that I found another job was way out of line. This was long before the "me too" movement was even dreamed of and any complaints of sexual harassment from a woman were largely ignored. I still feel a certain amount of shame (completely unwarranted) when I remember what happened.
On the other hand, the power is completely reversed in OP's recount. The doctor can simply drop this man as a patient if he acts in an inappropriate way. Needless to say, I have a lot of conflicted feelings over all of this.
Erotomania is a rare disorder in which an individual has a delusional belief that a person of higher social status falls in love and makes amorous advances toward him/her. Most are isolated, depressed, without a partner, or occupation. Little is known about treatment outcomes.
You can also search for:
Erotomania In The Elderly
Erotomania Variants In Dementia
Do try to be positive in a truthful and friendly way to your friend, while maintaining your usual flow of conversation. Kindly try to guide him to seek support from professionals for his psychological disorder, which may also be caused by several physical diseases as well.
My medical degree in in my younger son's graphic novels, but this makes the most sense to me. Also, there are medications that affect elderly adults with adverse effects, some create a hyper sex drive not seen in younger adults (Wellbutrin is one).
But on a side note, I have been seeing my PCP for 15 years now. I would guess I am there 2-3 a year. He greets me with a kiss and hug every time I am there. Yet, I have no illusions he is anything but my doctor. Lol, his husband works in his practice, right by his side.
A dear friend in his mid 70s, divorced, has developed a crush on his doctor. He's mentioned her before. She is mid-30s, married with small kids. I Men of all ages often misread friendliness from women they are attracted to as something more. It's kind of sad. He lives in another city so we email. Should I just ignore it when he mentions her?
"She is the most desirable woman I know and we are both attracted strongly. Our eyes smile at each other all the time and never lose contact for a moment - the body language is intense. As I left she put out her hand to shake, which I did of course. No doctor ever before, male or female has done that."
Oh the poor man . I don't find him creepy at all; I agree with you that this is kind of sad.
Please post his email here after she put her finger in his butt.
LOL! But...I'm still attracted to my female doctor. However, she is married, with kids, and I have enough of a grasp on sanity to realize that no matter how much she smiles and acts friendly I'm just another _______ to her.
I assure you I'm doing no more attracting than she is. It's not something that can be switched on and off - a man-woman animal thing! Now if I was checking her schedule, following her car, "accidentally meeting" her wherever, that would be very different! Yes, I agree that I am very likely not a typical patient - we accept each other as intellectual equals.
He doesn't have dementia, just terminal loneliness. Fortunately, at my urging, he joined an online dating website because I told him widows outnumber men 10 to 1 in his age bracket. He already has a lunch date lined up! Fingers crossed!
OP, it sounds to me like it's a completely harmless fantasy. I very much doubt he believes any of the stuff he's telling you. I think he's just telling you what his fantasy is - while making it sound like it's real in an attempt to impress you.
This was my thought. Early signs of dementia can manifest in fuzzy thinking and also poor impulse control. He might be functional day to day, but have trouble with logic, or interpret social cues incorrectly. If this fellow has responsible son or daughter, you could possibly ask them discretely about their dad. However adult children often would rather not imagine their parents need help, so use your own judgement about whether to contact them.
I don’t think there is much you can do at this point. But save his emails in case you might need to show them to son or daughter in future.
And discourage him from believing in this delusion as best you can.
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. I don't find him creepy at all; I agree with you that this is kind of sad.
