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A dear friend in his mid 70s, divorced, has developed a crush on his doctor. He's mentioned her before. She is mid-30s, married with small kids. I Men of all ages often misread friendliness from women they are attracted to as something more. It's kind of sad. He lives in another city so we email. Should I just ignore it when he mentions her?
"She is the most desirable woman I know and we are both attracted strongly. Our eyes smile at each other all the time and never lose contact for a moment - the body language is intense. As I left she put out her hand to shake, which I did of course. No doctor ever before, male or female has done that."
"Actually, I've had many doctors shake my hand. It doesn't mean anything other than a polite greeting. And I don't know if your doctor is attracted to you or not, but do you really think it's proper to encourage a married woman with children to be looking lustfully at other men? Surely I know that you are better than that."
Fantasies are all well and good, but his fantasy could lead him to act inappropriately towards his doctor, with potentially unpleasant results for all concerned. You'd be doing him a favor by gently talking him out of it.
"Actually, I've had many doctors shake my hand. It doesn't mean anything other than a polite greeting. And I don't know if your doctor is attracted to you or not, but do you really think it's proper to encourage a married woman with children to be looking lustfully at other men? Surely I know that you are better than that."
Fantasies are all well and good, but his fantasy could lead him to act inappropriately towards his doctor, with potentially unpleasant results for all concerned. You'd be doing him a favor by gently talking him out of it.
I agree with this approach. Otherwise, he might be taking OPs silence as agreement.
"Actually, I've had many doctors shake my hand. It doesn't mean anything other than a polite greeting. And I don't know if your doctor is attracted to you or not, but do you really think it's proper to encourage a married woman with children to be looking lustfully at other men? Surely I know that you are better than that."
Fantasies are all well and good, but his fantasy could lead him to act inappropriately towards his doctor, with potentially unpleasant results for all concerned. You'd be doing him a favor by gently talking him out of it.
Yes, I think his doctor wouldn't be impressed if he made a pass at her.
She's in her 30's and married with kids, he's in his 70's. I think I'd quietly discourage him and if he still thinks they have "something" going, then tell him to let HER make the first move.
I have a female friend who (when she was in her 40's) who is very friendly and chatty, all smiles. I guess some men and some women, would think of her as flirty.
That's just her, but an older (and married) man friend that we both know, pulled her to him and kissed her when they were alone for a few moments one night. She was mortified and he was embarrassed.
It's doubtful you'll be able to convince your friend that his Dr. is merely being friendly. If he's mentioned her several times and said the things you're saying here, he's convinced that it's more than friendship. Personally, I would tell him that if he thinks this is "real" then he should ask his Dr. point blank if there is a possibility of a relationship, before he goes and does something dumb like attempt to kiss her on his next visit and get charged with sexual harassment.
He sounds delusional! I highly doubt a married woman in her 30s is lusting after grandpa...... I would say something like "how can you be sure she's attracted to you..... If she's married with kids it's very unlikely, especially given you're the huge age gap between you"
This is creepy and may well not have a good outcome. The old dude might find himself in big trouble if he isn't very careful. This is a "metoo" world now. He should find another doctor. Prison medicine isn't good.
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