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I mean, I am going to have to say something. My phone has already notified me several times this morning because their dog is running around outside my garage and in my front yard. Now - I don't care that he's in my yard (except that if he's hanging out on my property he's probably also leaving little brown presents for me in the front yard) but I don't want him pooping out there, or running into my garage or house and doing his business. And I don't want to hit him with my car backing out.
I got notifications over and over again yesterday afternoon even though I wasn't home, because the kids were playing in my driveway and yard - all afternoon. Come on. Using my driveway as a scooter and skateboard ramp among other things.
So I'm going to have to have a conversation with the parents and it's not likely to be a pleasant one. I like your idea of having them over but I don't want to do that till my husband gets home and that's another week out. So hm.
Kathryn, are you starting to regret your move? You never had these issues at the old house. If you haven’t sold it yet, maybe you should go back?
Kathryn, are you starting to regret your move? You never had these issues at the old house. If you haven’t sold it yet, maybe you should go back?
No, I don't regret the move, and we close on our former home in a few days anyway. It went under contract within a few hours of listing it, which was nice.
Anyway, I look at it this way - even if the dog and kids keep coming on my property, once I address this with the parents, I'm ok liability wise. I'm probably OK anyway, but that doesn't mean I want anyone to be hurt on my property. I think I've got the dog thing figured out and I swear if he ever runs in my house again, I'm not going to be nearly as nice as I was the first time - to him or to his owners. It's bad enough that he comes running into my garage.
Secondary to the liability issue is the phone notification issue. I doubt that the parents or even the kids know I am being notified whenever anyone comes onto my property. I am thinking that this might be a deterrent.
And way down the list, but present - I am just mystified that anyone would think it's OK to just come hang out and play in my yard. Or for the dog to just be running around the neighborhood.
Like I've said from the get go - it's cumulative. But not enough to make me regret moving to the neighborhood. Other than these particular people, who haven't been unfriendly by the way, just higher maintenance than everyone else, the neighbors have been SUPER friendly and pleasant. So...I'll just handle it I guess. At least there's not a friendship at stake - I rarely even see the parents.
Kathryn, are you starting to regret your move? You never had these issues at the old house. If you haven’t sold it yet, maybe you should go back?
Move? Why? Mom needs to control her kids and her dog.
She’s going to have a chat with the parents and more than likely that will solve the issue. If not, t
she could and should go to the HOA. I’m sure the bylaws covers the kid issue as well as the dog issue. But, talking to the parents is the first step.
Good luck, Kathryn. I would have the same issues and want the same resolution as you (for the dog to stop roaming and the kids to stop playing in your driveway and yard). I do wonder whether the people who have advised you to talk it over with their parents have done that successfully with their neighbors? I had a neighbor tell me that I should talk over a problem with another neighbor "because that's what good neighbors do"----but when a parking issue arose that affected him he didn't even attempt to discuss it with his new neighbors...and he was even on the condo board! He just let their illegal parking continue for a few months until the neighbor's kid left for college.
I attempted to speak to the visiting son of one of my neighbors---a woman who was new to the neighborhood, renting, and had the beginning of dementia---advising him that his mom was keeping her garbage can out all the time when it was supposed to be in the garage except for 12 hours on the day of pickup. I tried to speak nicely about this, just informing him in case his mom didn't realize this. He went off on me, telling me that his mother had lived in a million dollar condo on the ocean in Florida! The implication was that she was slumming it in the $250,000 condo and that she didn't have to deal with rules or keep the property nice. Believe me, he didn't thank me for letting them know (although I do think the garbage didn't stay out as long--she shortly moved into assisted living after that).
We gotta face it---people don't always want to do the right thing. Many people define the right thing as what feels right to/for them, not what the rules or expectations are, not what will cause problems for their neighbors. Like many parents, your neighbors may feel justified that it's their yard and their dog should be allowed to be in their yard---and if the dog then wanders into your yard/garage/home, so be it. Similarly, they may be so happy that their kids aren't bothering them being inside (and I do think it's wonderful that any kids play actively outside these days---just not in a neighbor's yard or driveway) that they haven't even given a thought to advise their kids where to play.
And your neighbor has the trump card of her recovering from two surgeries, so she could easily turn it around and make herself be the victim---how much pain, disability, fear she is dealing with--instead of addressing the impact this has on you.
It's tough. I think you are forthright but diplomatic and have great emotional intelligence---but this family may not be operating the same way. After all, they already aren't monitoring their kids or dog so obviously they do what they want to do. It does seem like no attempts at restraining the dog were made after they were informed about the dog coming in your home. I hate the thought of a dog being tied up, but there are long tethers and he can always stay inside. And the husband didn't seem to want to address the issue of the storage shed other than saying you had a lot of nerve and then immediately going to the HOA---so these may not be the most amenable folks to work with. Let us know how it goes.
And here comes the race card.... this is why we can’t have nice things.
I guess the OP and I are the only ones who think a strange dog peeing in your house is a problem. I’d be pissed (no pun intended) if a strange dog came into my home and pissed on my rug. My own dog doesn’t **** on my rug. If he got out and did that to my neighbor,I’d die of embarrassment. The dog needs to be trained to stay in its own yard... that’s the invisible boundary that was mentioned how many pages ago.
The kids would bother me too.. from a liability standpoint and noise factor. Yes, they are outside and can use their outside voices, but not in the neighbor’s yard.
And as to why ‘older’ people buy single family homes in family neighborhoods...it’s none of your business why. Dh and I are young retirees and live in a very large home... why? Because we have a large family, and would rather they stay with us, than a hotel or resort.
It’s also very easy to hire outside help and inside help for those chores that an ‘older’ person can no longer do. Or in my case, no longer want to do. I’d rather sit on the beach with a book than clean my house.
This^^^!
You are not the only ones.
In my observation- most of the rational- (they say it is not PC anymore to use the word “normal”- so I am trying to find alternatives) would think exactly like you and the OP.
The only difference I find between Kathryn and myself- she is way too patient and much nicer than I would be under the circumstances. $100 plate of snacks and sandwiches to the neighbors after I have to clean the carpet after the peeing neighbor’s dog? And she was concerned with the neighbors health and did not say anything?
She is a saint!
That peeing in my house and running in and peeing in my garage dog would avoid my garage as if a bunch of coyotes are living in there - I guarantee it!
Like I posted earlier- most of us don’t need neighbors as our new friends- it would be wonderful if it could happen, but what are the chances?
Polite, cordial is good enough.
Miss several of my old and much older neighbors - they were class acts.
Luckily, one of the replacements is awesome! Unluckily- it is just one!
I mean, I am going to have to say something. My phone has already notified me several times this morning because their dog is running around outside my garage and in my front yard. Now - I don't care that he's in my yard (except that if he's hanging out on my property he's probably also leaving little brown presents for me in the front yard) but I don't want him pooping out there, or running into my garage or house and doing his business. And I don't want to hit him with my car backing out.
I got notifications over and over again yesterday afternoon even though I wasn't home, because the kids were playing in my driveway and yard - all afternoon. Come on. Using my driveway as a scooter and skateboard ramp among other things.
So I'm going to have to have a conversation with the parents and it's not likely to be a pleasant one. I like your idea of having them over but I don't want to do that till my husband gets home and that's another week out. So hm.
I would not have them over- it sounds like you are trying to appease them.
It will be more difficult to “defend your territory” if the parents and kids think that you are “a friendly”.
I bet one conversation would not be enough with this bunch!
I even see potentially a letter from the lawyer in your future. Why “play” friends?
Of course, I don’t have my boots on the ground and you do- your judgment of their character most likely more accurate.
Talk to your husband and both ask yourselves if “friendly” vs “mean” may work better with them.
If somebody was nice enough to note that I am not well and even send me a treat - trust me, I would make sure my kids and dogs wouldn’t bother “a nice lady” next door.
If they don’t get it- they might be hopeless..
I would take a different approach, you may need to escalate this.
Start recording things..and keeping it. You may need everything in writing.
HOA complaint of a roaming pooping dog?
Animal control complaint?
Send her a registered terse letter with your grievances?( a dog and kids in your driveway, liability, poop)
Trying to recall....do most of the kids do this? And do all the kids go into everyone else's yards for the most part?
(As an aside, you do need to eventually watch out for theft as kids like this can get further and further attached to your home.)
To be honest, I'd be hesitant about going away on a trip. The less oversight, the less fear, the further they will go.
And I love kids. Have several, more to come.
Lived for a little while in a nice little neighborhood where the people across the street had a dog. On our side of the street a few houses down were two children who were the only ones, thank goodness, who yelled and banged trash cans, etc etc. Daily, they would run across the road to the house with the dog and bang on the door, the windows, the walls to terrorize the dog. The dog barked, of course. They screamed at the dog and so on. And they were the kids who father was a policeman. Mom was home but never did anything about it. The homeowners were working during the day. I informed the homeowners who kept an eye out and then spoke with the parents.
Two things I notice about kids that get into trouble like this is the lack of sound attention from parents and the lack of participation in constructive exercise, sports, groups,clubs,teams, bands, theater, choirs, whatever to keep them engaged in constructive things. I wonder that if parents can't be involved....and many can't....what about the school or side clubs?
No, I don't regret the move, and we close on our former home in a few days anyway. It went under contract within a few hours of listing it, which was nice.
Anyway, I look at it this way - even if the dog and kids keep coming on my property, once I address this with the parents, I'm ok liability wise. I'm probably OK anyway, but that doesn't mean I want anyone to be hurt on my property. I think I've got the dog thing figured out and I swear if he ever runs in my house again, I'm not going to be nearly as nice as I was the first time - to him or to his owners. It's bad enough that he comes running into my garage.
Secondary to the liability issue is the phone notification issue. I doubt that the parents or even the kids know I am being notified whenever anyone comes onto my property. I am thinking that this might be a deterrent.
And way down the list, but present - I am just mystified that anyone would think it's OK to just come hang out and play in my yard. Or for the dog to just be running around the neighborhood.
Like I've said from the get go - it's cumulative. But not enough to make me regret moving to the neighborhood. Other than these particular people, who haven't been unfriendly by the way, just higher maintenance than everyone else, the neighbors have been SUPER friendly and pleasant. So...I'll just handle it I guess. At least there's not a friendship at stake - I rarely even see the parents.
I'm not sure how it changes anything liability wise. If they get hurt on your property your insurance company will have to pay either way. Your rates will increase and you will have a black mark on your insurance record, good luck if you want to switch companies. Skateboarding is one of the activities with the most injuries. You really need to stop them.
We had neighbors that seemed to let their dogs run around, even though they acted like they had escaped. It was frequent and they would be up in our yard looking for them sometimes four days a week.
Some people just can't seem to figure out how to manage their responsibilities properly or they just don't care.
Here is my advice, after having had the same neighbors move in across the street.
#1) Talk to the kids every time. Do not allow yourself to procrastinate with you were busy, had guests, your husband is not home. Do not wait until you catch them outside. Go ring their doorbell and wait.
#2) Talk to the parents every time, after the first time talking to the kids. Rinse and repeat.
#3) Do not be mean to the dog. Get a leash and a dog treat. Leash him up and go knock on their door. Every time. Do not miss even one time. Maybe return him with a squeaky toy (that you bought him) one time so they know you like their dog. He's coming over anyways so you might as well make friends with him so he comes to you easily so you can leash him up and return him home.
#4) Do not blame your concern on liability. Say "You do not have my permission to play in my yard". "Your kids do not have my permission to play in my yard". Repeat the same thing over and over. Ignore any attempts by them to try to justify the behavior.
#5) Pick up stray balls and toys. Keep the first few sets to give back if asked. Then just start throwing them away.
We had a family move in across the street where the dad positioned the youngest in our yard and hit balls toward our house. The older boys played ball in the same way in the street but were pitching toward their house and hitting toward ours. I talked to dad. It talked to the kids. I rang the doorbell.
If I drove away from the house and then came right back they would be out playing. They said they waited until I left and figured it would be OK since I wasn't home. Another time they said they used softer balls instead of regular baseballs and figured it would be OK. They did not understand that they were not allowed to do it at all. They kept trying to figure out a way that I would be OK with it.
I said you have an acre backing to open space right out your back gate. They said it had mosquitoes. It is a mowed grassy area, just like our yard. I told them how much a broken window would cost and asked them if they had the money. I found discussion and reasoning was pointless. Just say "You do not have my permission to play in my yard".
If it doesn't work with just one conversation with kids and one with parents then I would consider your exit strategy or plan to have alot of hassle until the kids go off to college. It doesn't get any better living next to teenagers. Eventually they moved away but it was 7 long years of loud parties, kids with radios blasting coming over at 10 p.m. every night, fast food and liquor bottle trash dumped out of vehicles on the lawn, police coming over, teenage drug dealership run out of the basement etc.
It does seem like there is a different mindset with some families. We had a very nice retired couple move in a couple of streets over. Their grandsons would come to our driveway to ride their bikes up and down because we have a hill. We never saw it because we were at work all day but other neighbors told us about it. We never said anything to them but either someone did or the grand kids moved away because it eventually stopped.
Last year we had some kids two neighborhoods over jump our fence to run across our backyard. They then hit a cement bench running to vault over our back fence, nearly missing an iron weather vane mounted next to the fence. The cement bench is just a cement seat on two cement legs. The whole thing shifted under the momentum of them using it as a vault. If it had collapsed they easily could have fallen on the weather vane piercing their chest, head, throat etc. I almost had a dead kid (or 2) in my yard. The previous weekend we had an adult male German Shepard visiting for possible adoption. I shudder to think what would have happened if the dog had been there when they did this. Our yard is an acre so quite a long distance to try and outrun a dog who wasn't ours and wouldn't necessarily listen to us. Thankfully our dog was inside when it happened. I followed the kids all the way home where I encountered the father in a garage working. Complete denial that he had seen the kids. Said some other kids had gone by and on to the park.
I consulted a lawyer and they said to reduce my liability post no trespassing signs. I figured a fenced back yard with locked gates and beware of dog signs was enough notice and prevention but they said no. You need the no trespassing signs.
Just a couple of weeks ago I had to go out and knock on the window of an SUV parked on my yard. Two teenage boys were sitting there talking. I asked them not to park on the lawn as it breaks the sprinkler system and costs hundreds of dollars to fix. Unfortunately there is no way to know if it is broken now since it is winterized. The other problem is when they drive over the head it breaks the pipe below ground which is much harder to find than if the head is broken. Also unfortunately, I didn't take a picture of their license plate. I should have and maybe there wouldn't have been new tire tracks on the yard the next day where they probably came back to show me what a big deal they were.
Why do I have to ask someone not to play in my yard, dump their trash, park on my grass, jump my fence etc? I've given up trying to figure it out and just do it. Everyone has their own mindset and point of view. I'm lucky to have all good neighbors right now and after having experienced the family from you know where I hesitate to move just because you never know what you are going to get. If the sale on your old house falls through I would seriously consider moving back if talking to the kids and parents doesn't work after one conversation with each.
Oh, forgot to mention that family across the street's dog would play in our front pond. I returned him several times wet and stinky, covered with pond scum and with a dirty stinky squeak toy that they probably just threw out. The dog was a delightful big dog full of energy, just trying to have fun. If they weren't home or didn't answer the door I kept the dog until they did. I didn't just return him to their backyard since he could escape again and might get hit by a car. Also there is something a tiny bit satisfying returning a wet stinking dog right into the house. If he poops in your yard pick it up and give them the bag when you return the dog. If he pees in the garage bag up the clean up towels and return that to them along with the dog. But always be nice to the dog. He is stuck with bad owners and probably a neglected life. If you make friends with him and can leash him up you are doing him a big favor so he isn't roaming free and at risk of being hit by a car.
Just a couple of weeks ago I had to go out and knock on the window of an SUV parked on my yard. Two teenage boys were sitting there talking. I asked them not to park on the lawn as it breaks the sprinkler system and costs hundreds of dollars to fix. Unfortunately there is no way to know if it is broken now since it is winterized. The other problem is when they drive over the head it breaks the pipe below ground which is much harder to find than if the head is broken. Also unfortunately, I didn't take a picture of their license plate. I should have and maybe there wouldn't have been new tire tracks on the yard the next day where they probably came back to show me what a big deal they were.
Why do I have to ask someone not to play in my yard, dump their trash, park on my grass, jump my fence etc? I've given up trying to figure it out and just do it. Everyone has their own mindset and point of view. I'm lucky to have all good neighbors right now and after having experienced the family from you know where I hesitate to move just because you never know what you are going to get. If the sale on your old house falls through I would seriously consider moving back if talking to the kids and parents doesn't work after one conversation with each.
Oh, forgot to mention that family across the street's dog would play in our front pond. I returned him several times wet and stinky, covered with pond scum and with a dirty stinky squeak toy that they probably just threw out. The dog was a delightful big dog full of energy, just trying to have fun.
Ugh, just last week there were strange people in my neighbors yard. Three young adults arguing and talking on phones. They stood in end of the driveway and even on part of the grass for some time then someone came and picked them up. The neighbor had no idea who they were. Shady. I told them to consider getting a security camera. There was also an incident last summer of a creepy looking guy going into yards asking people to give him a ride. This is all new behavior for this area, so weird.
We had a house with a brook once and the neighbors from behind the wooded area let their kids cross a slippery ravine full of stumps and logs, and play in our brook when it froze (it never totally froze). I later found out they were stealing hibernating frogs, it made me sick.
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