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If a co worker repeatedly insults your work, you complain to HR.
This did happen to me many years ago, and I remember calmly refuting the accusation, which was dropped. I was taken aback as I knew I was a good worker who was productive. But I had been learning how to use a dumb terminal which I had never used before. I found it hard at first, and I tended to make mistakes as I learned.
It is OK to calmly refute accusations, but you have to stay calm. And repeated demeaning comments by a co worker should be taken to HR. Such behavior is bullying.
On the other hand, sometimes people can see insults where none are intended.
At any rate, it sounds as if there is too much talking in this workplace, which is not productive.
One year my job gave a 3 day class on conflict resolution. some of it was hookey but some was really good.
One thing we learned was to think about what we actually wanted and if our actions would get us what we wanted.
did we want to confront the bully to establish some sort of dominance or did we want the behavior to stop.
without any specifics I would say that if you are coming across as violent than you are pretty much painting yourself as just as bad as the bully. Is that what you want? I've seen coworkers get into shouting, screaming, threatening shouting matches. it rarely ends well.
In todays world of cameras and video recording it's fairly easy to document inappropriate behavior. losing your call in no way helps the situation.
How do you assert yourself.
Calmly, rationally and clearly. without emotional outburst, screaming or threatening.
I've only briefly skimmed those threads, but it seems that the OP has difficulty with social interactions - expressing himself and interpreting others. He may also be struggling with PTSD.
IMO, the OP needs professional help. But, yeah, he's the common denominator.
I've only briefly skimmed those threads, but it seems that the OP has difficulty with social interactions - expressing himself and interpreting others. He may also be struggling with PTSD.
IMO, the OP needs professional help. But, yeah, he's the common denominator.
How do you assert yourself without being perceived as being violent?
To start, this shouldn't be a catch 22. But what I often see is someone NOT saying something the FIRST time it happens, implicitly communicating that there is not a problem.
Not sure if we're talking about a work place, or otherwise, but a couple of things to remember are:
1. Retaliation may be protected against, but your actions silently influenced by the threat of retaliation are not protected. (Don't make any knee jerk reactions, don't sign away your rights, or EVER say anything is OK when it's really not.)
2. You are not obligated to go to HR first. Go straight to an attorney if you feel your job or well being on the job is at risk. The sooner the better, you have more options if you're still employed at said work place.
3. All said, any situation like this should not exist in the first place, and you are right to want to remedy it. Deal with facts: names, dates, who said what words. Period.
WOW! Guess so! OP all this is evidence that what you are doing isn't working. Time to search out some interpersonal relationship skills training. See what your employer or even your industry may have to offer.
1: Use tone of voice. Use positive directives - such as " When I am done my report , I would appreciate it that you learn to encourage instead of critiquing it. Think that is a goal you can achieve? - Then let them absorb it.
2: Use body language that exudes confidence ( to back up your words). Body language is 90% of the conversation anyways.
3: Asserting is usually done in a straight forward tone. With a bit of leeway to the listener. Getting feedback or clarity is also important. Provided the listener is open to conversation.
If for some bizzarre reason the listener perceives it as a violent tone, or stance. You may want to run it by a person who has no bones in the conversation . They can give some suggestions in your words or behavior.
Thats the general way to assert.
In your case OP I dare say you may want to take some classes on open communication and inter-active courses to learn what is and isn't okay in confronting adults.
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Oh, boy!! Yeah, clearly he’s the problem.
