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OP for someone with no real friends it sure seems like you attract a lot of meddlers.
If someone sat me down and said I should move somewhere else (so they'd feel better because they're clearly not doing it for your benefit) I'd look them straight in the eye and say "if you think that's a good place to live why don't you go and live there? I worked hard to get here and I'm very happy and have no plans to change it." Make it clear that is the end of this conversation, for good, and that you don't need their "advice".
Or I'd tell them to mind their own business or worse. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being independent and a loner. You don't sound like a recluse or you wouldn't have been around that many people to begin with. Who cares what you look like? It's not their business. If they do, ask them why they feel that it's OK to comment on your looks and appearance, and "how would they feel if you did the same to them or their family members."
Why don't you try saying this to them the next time it happens: "what a hurtful thing to say" or "where did you learn your manners?" and then just stare at them point blank.
I feel though that there's something subtle about you OP, energetically (not your looks or behavior) that leaves an opening for semi strangers to say these types of things to you, otherwise this wouldn't happen repeatedly. People would NEVER do that to me. I encourage you to mine that piece of yourself from within. Look for where you might be allowing that or giving them an in.
I love the list that Kayekaye gave you in this thread...it's brilliant and exactly what I was going to suggest. I especially think volunteering and working on your sense of personal power, self esteem etc. through personal growth books would be very valuable for you.
BTW I live in Arizona and feel like you'd fit right in. I am not bold or brash - okay maybe a little bold or courageous but this is a very accepting and "live and let live" area of the country.
Good luck.
P.S. would you be willing to post a list of your positive attributes? We all have them and I've seen a lot of what you "are not" here.
Last edited by adventuregurl; 11-11-2019 at 11:23 PM..
Good points. I guess it's because the people are well-connected in the community and could as very well pull some strings to force me out. That's what a lot of people in my situation ignore when dealing with others. They are so bent on saying their piece or thinking they can just simply remove themselves from the situation, and then find themselves on the streets as they have become the target of retaliation.
Retaliation for what? Why would anyone want to force you out?
Your story makes less and less sense. Might you have a personality disorder? Cluster A? One of the first three at this site would be my guess, https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/syc-20354463 You may also have a combination of those three. I wish you luck because personality disorders are hard to live with and nearly impossible to change.
For those of you who don't believe what OP is telling you, you must have never been bullied or an outcast. Trust me, I have seen and been the recipient of some truly horrible things done to someone perceived as "different." I have already shared some of my own experience, so I won't go into it again. However, this is nothing compared to what my daughter's life has been like.
Until she was about 11, my daughter "K" was just you normal, average, happy little girl. Then she developed a mental illness. Her behavior changed, and the medications she had to take made her gain weight. She was bullied, threatened and pushed away by pretty much everyone. This included neighbors, teachers, doctors, kids and former friends. Through the years and the tears she fought valiantly to live a "normal" life. She is now 36 with a husband and daughter and her own home in a small town in Kansas.
She works very hard volunteering for her community, and while most people are appreciate of her efforts there a some that work diligently to bring her down because she is still not like them. Once they find out she has an illness, they treat her differently, sometimes with unimaginable cruelty. There are things that they have said and done to her that are unimaginable.
There are people in the world that are cruel, mean and like nothing better than to torment someone that does acts or looks different. So don't tell me that the OP is not telling it like it is. I have seen it firsthand and I believe her.
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Wow, WoundedSpirit, I couldn't picture what was going on here until I read your post - and it triggered a memory.
I'm sorry this happened to your daughter.
Several years ago, I encountered a woman who was in a position where she really didn't "look the part". At all. As a result, when people first met her they dismissed her as a custodian or something, and it would take quite awhile to realize ok, THIS is who I have to negotiate with? There was nothing in her behavior that was off, and she seemed kind, and as far as I could tell she was at least minimally competent, but you just couldn't shake the feeling of wait, what, who are you? And yes, people actively tried to oust her from her position, and would make suggestions publicly on how she could improve her appearance, and suggest in meetings that she not be the one that was sent to represent the organization, could we send _____ instead?
I didn't know her well, and suspect that her family and friends were loving toward her, but NOBODY in her job was. No one. She was either openly ridiculed or ignored.
She was in an elected position, and she had run unopposed.
For those of you who don't believe what OP is telling you, you must have never been bullied or an outcast. Trust me, I have seen and been the recipient of some truly horrible things done to someone perceived as "different." I have already shared some of my own experience, so I won't go into it again. However, this is nothing compared to what my daughter's life has been like.
Until she was about 11, my daughter "K" was just you normal, average, happy little girl. Then she developed a mental illness. Her behavior changed, and the medications she had to take made her gain weight. She was bullied, threatened and pushed away by pretty much everyone. This included neighbors, teachers, doctors, kids and former friends. Through the years and the tears she fought valiantly to live a "normal" life. She is now 36 with a husband and daughter and her own home in a small town in Kansas.
She works very hard volunteering for her community, and while most people are appreciate of her efforts there a some that work diligently to bring her down because she is still not like them. Once they find out she has an illness, they treat her differently, sometimes with unimaginable cruelty. There are things that they have said and done to her that are unimaginable.
There are people in the world that are cruel, mean and like nothing better than to torment someone that does acts or looks different. So don't tell me that the OP is not telling it like it is. I have seen it firsthand and I believe her.
Thanks much again for another insightful post. I've been busy today so haven't had time to read and respond much but what you have said here hits the nail on the head for all of the non-believers here. I kind of expect those who have never been placed on the "outcast" side of life to not understand or believe it.
Wow, WoundedSpirit, I couldn't picture what was going on here until I read your post - and it triggered a memory.
I'm sorry this happened to your daughter.
Several years ago, I encountered a woman who was in a position where she really didn't "look the part". At all. As a result, when people first met her they dismissed her as a custodian or something, and it would take quite awhile to realize ok, THIS is who I have to negotiate with? There was nothing in her behavior that was off, and she seemed kind, and as far as I could tell she was at least minimally competent, but you just couldn't shake the feeling of wait, what, who are you? And yes, people actively tried to oust her from her position, and would make suggestions publicly on how she could improve her appearance, and suggest in meetings that she not be the one that was sent to represent the organization, could we send _____ instead?
I didn't know her well, and suspect that her family and friends were loving toward her, but NOBODY in her job was. No one. She was either openly ridiculed or ignored.
She was in an elected position, and she had run unopposed.
As someone who spends a lot of time with politicians, it's unusual for a politician to not 'look the part'.
Could it be that perhaps you're hanging out with *******s? Sorry but for someone to sit you down and basically say that you're awkward and don't fit in, its super weird to me and a d-ck move if you ask me. It could also be that you have lived in less diverse communities, Perhaps if you were in a big city like NY, Miami, LA, Dallas etc. were there is usually a melting pot and you'll come across people from all backgrounds; Thus making you fit right in.
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