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My husband and I are empty nesters. He also is gone two weekends out of every four so I am alone on those weekends. In fact, I'm alone for two weeks out of every month. Also, just moved to this neighborhood, though I have lived in this general area for years so I do have a few friends here.
Anyway, I totally get what you're saying about it being tedious sometimes. Not always but occasionally I do realize with a start that I'm bored. Not often though but occasionally.
Here are some things I do:
1. Go see a movie, by myself or with a friend. Honestly, my husband thinks I'm a lunatic but I LOVE going to a matinee by myself!
2. Streaming binge - Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Treme, etc. etc. etc. There really are some good series out there. Something for everyone.
3. Go shopping for something very specific, preferably for some sort of craft or project.
4. Do something in the yard - either clean out flower beds or plant something, or that sort of thing.
5. Meet up with a friend, even an acquaintance or casual friend, for lunch or coffee. I instigate this about half the time.
6. Go to the bookstore or library or wherever and find a really good book.
7. On cold late afternoons, I will often come home, make some coffee in the french press and then snuggle down with a good book.
8. Try out a new recipe. Then give some of it to a neighbor. Strike up a conversation.
9. I am all about volunteering though. I volunteer with a group which teaches life and job skills to underprivileged women and I LOVE it. I volunteer there two mornings a week and since I teach a class, I have to actually prepare for this class. I also am on the board. So that takes up probably 20 hours a week. Plus I really have gotten to know some volunteers there well and I like some of them a LOT. I really encourage people to find a volunteer group and pour your energy into that. I also do a bit of volunteer work for my church.
ALL you mentioned above is VERY healthy traditional things.. I too was empty nester..however, after about 20 years, due to economy and relationship issues.. ALL of a sudden, get invaded once again.. No need to go into details.. Suffice to say ~~ Once a parent, always a parent.. When free.. try to take advantage of whatever life affords you!
It's such a different era, I never ever thought of moving back to MY PARENTS place.. YIKS!! But back in my day.. Costs of living exploded, costs due to decisions , job demands, costs in general forces children to return to what they consider " Safe Haven".. Problem is.. Same explosions and COL increases have also impacted myself.. thus expected a compensation to compensate that.. Not looking for Profit..Only ability to pay bills without STRESS.
Pay-scales , in general has NOT kept up with inflationary COSTS, THUS explosion return of kids.. OP should really take advantage of her new found freedom, to do what SHE wants, when she wants.. or just CHILL!!
Stagemomma - That isn't normal boredom and it is NOT empty nest syndrome. Don't take this the wrong way and get all PO'ed at me but from the activities and feelings that you're describing you sound like somebody having a bi-polar mood swing, or someone who is antsy and hyperactive, getting the jitters from suffering something like a perpetual bad acid trip or side effects from a "high" reaction to antidepressants or prescription psychostimulants or methamphetamines or even cocaine or speed.
I'm not saying that's what you've been taking, I'm saying it sounds like you're suffering the same kinds of adverse side effects and jitters caused by some of those kinds of drugs. Or God knows what else could be going on organically. When you're sitting down do your feet jerk or tap or shake involuntarily? Are you constantly trying to keep your hands and fingers busy? Do you feel compelled to keep moving and doing, moving and doing?
I think you should see your doctor soon to find out if you're experiencing unexpected adverse reactions to the antidepressants you've been taking (or stopped taking) for your depression, or whatever other kinds of medications you're on.
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Stagemomma - That isn't normal boredom and it is NOT empty nest syndrome. Don't take this the wrong way and get all PO'ed at me but from the activities and feelings that you're describing you sound like somebody having a bi-polar mood swing, or someone who is antsy and hyperactive, getting the jitters from suffering something like a perpetual bad acid trip or side effects from a "high" reaction to antidepressants or prescription psychostimulants or methamphetamines or even cocaine or speed.
I'm not saying that's what you've been taking, I'm saying it sounds like you're suffering the same kinds of adverse side effects and jitters caused by some of those kinds of drugs. Or God knows what else could be going on organically. When you're sitting down do your feet jerk or tap or shake involuntarily? Are you constantly trying to keep your hands and fingers busy? Do you feel compelled to keep moving and doing, moving and doing?
I think you should see your doctor soon to find out if you're experiencing unexpected adverse reactions to the antidepressants you've been taking (or stopped taking) for your depression, or whatever other kinds of medications you're on.
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No, I'm not having a bad trip and I"m not bi-polar. I am tapering off an anti-depressant that wasn't working but the feelings I'm describing are the norm for me since my daughter went to college. I'm definitely struggling with depression, but at least I feel up to doing 'something'. In the past I could lay on the couch for hours and do nothing.
I don't have jitters or tics and I don't feel compelled to keep moving physically. Only that sitting and doing nothing (do people actually do that?) is really boring.
You are right in that boredom is a sign of anxiety that you aren't doing what you want to be doing. I just can't figure out what I want to be doing!
Last edited by Stagemomma; 11-18-2019 at 04:32 AM..
I think you need to realize you're in a transition time in your life. Give yourself a break. It's hard to reinvent yourself on a dime. It takes a while to figure out what you want your life to be going forward. So, you're normal. I'd try to stop putting pressure on yourself to figure it out quickly. That can be paralyzing.
Having many choices can be as pressure-filled as having no choices. If you can do anything you want, how do you decide what you want? That can be especially hard for an introvert. Ask yourself some questions--what interests you? Is there something you've always wanted to try but haven't? Something you wanted to do but couldn't when parenting was your primary non-work job? If you try something, give it a couple tries before you decide it's not for you. At the same time, feel free to drop something you don't like.
I've moved a lot in my lifetime. And especially in the last 20 years, a move was precipitated by a big life change. Thankfully the last fifteen years those changes have been positive ones, but my point is that the change was always some huge project or endeavor. Being a project oriented person, and one that is pretty organized as well, I was in what I'd call "high gear" every time we moved, including this last time (two months ago).
I swear to you, my house was unpacked and it looked like I had lived there for years in two weeks, every single time I moved. I am the type who can't rest if there's a box that needs to be unpacked, or a picture that needs to be hung or whatever. So I just about kill myself for weeks in a row - and then I can finally relax.
Invariably, when that time comes, I am suddenly listless. Mildly depressed even. For example, about 30 years ago I moved to Germany. Now THAT was an endeavor, and took months of planning and executing. FINALLY I got there, moved in, unpacked, and then it was gorgeous spring...and I suddenly HATED IT. All I wanted to do was go home, and of course I couldn't go home - and I felt trapped for the next three years, yada yada yada...except that wasn't really the case. I just had to even out and find my groove. Which I did of course, and of course I loved in there it a few weeks.
My daughter and her husband just moved there for three years and she felt the same way for a few weeks. I was able to remind her that this was normal - and it was - and now, a few months into the move, she LOVES it there.
Like I said, we just moved two months ago and a few weeks ago a mild depression snuck up on me, and it still sort of lingers but it's getting better. I honestly think it has to do with switching from "high gear" to "low gear" or at least "regular gear" and the adrenaline dropping. For example, just to tell you how active I was - I lost 12 pounds in less than a month when we moved. And I was eating terrible food too - pizza, fast food, etc. - while we were moving and I was unpacking, hanging things, etc. Now everything is in it's place and "real life" has set in.
I can also relate to finding it difficult to sit down and read quietly. That's SUCH a marked change of pace. I've always been a reader, but it takes more discipline now for me to finish a good book. But that is temporary, I would be willing to bet the house on it - LOL. It has to do with going 150 mph for weeks on end and then suddenly STOPPING and trying to sit still and read in a quiet house with a clock ticking.
Long, long way of saying, I wonder if this is part of your issue - and I bet it is.
I remember when my kids moved out and how sad I was, it sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction. I do believe that a new empty nester goes through a time of mourning like where has the time gone, can’t believe my baby is on his own. It gets better, and you come to realize that you done your job as a parent.
I agree with a poster who suggested getting a puppy or kitten, they would be just like raising a toddler and teenager all over again and without the sass. Take some time for yourself that doesn’t involve work, movies, spa, maybe invite a group of ladies from your meet up to go to lunch after all they’re there to meet new people too and maybe to shy to make the first move.
Single, unattached people who are childless or have children over 18 and on their own have the potential to have a lot of free time, especially if their jobs are no more than 40-45 hours per week. I actually had one period of time for 3 months where I was both unattached and unemployed, leading to an immense amount of free time.
Going to the gym would be a good use of free time. The OP should try to get in superb shape. I would say it'd be ideal to cut out processed foods and do some combination of aerobic and anaerobic training. That'll help things out. She could also get a tan if she doesn't already have a nice tan. Doesn't necessarily have to do the tanning beds, but some outdoor time with Vitamin D while wearing sunscreen will help a tan a little bit. That'll help a person feel better. All the things are suggested are good, natural, feel good things.
Doing the activities in the previous paragraph will make her more dateable if she wants to date more, which would certainly take up some more time. She's already doing Meetup which is useful in her age bracket, but she could get on a native swipe app which are developing older populations (Tinder/Bumble/Hinge) or use Match/OurTime, which is more targeted in the 50s/60s cohort. As an introvert, apps are good for dating, especially as a female introvert, where men vastly outnumber women.
I was widowed at age 50 and on my own for a few years (now remarried).... I got a dog. I’m pretty introverted, here’s some things I do:
I read a lot - I haven’t joined a book club, but am considering it.
I’m always in the process of painting some interior room
Some years I grow an herb garden indoors
I volunteer in dog rescue and foster dogs or sometimes I take a dog for a day to give it a field trip from the shelter
I will occasionally try a new Weight Watchers recipe (crock pot or bake)
Even in bad weather I go for a walk and listen to my podcasts.... love podcasts
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ALL you mentioned above is VERY healthy traditional things.. I too was empty nester..however, after about 20 years, due to economy and relationship issues.. ALL of a sudden, get invaded once again.. No need to go into details.. Suffice to say ~~ Once a parent, always a parent.. When free.. try to take advantage of whatever life affords you! 
