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I've moved a lot in my lifetime. And especially in the last 20 years, a move was precipitated by a big life change. Thankfully the last fifteen years those changes have been positive ones, but my point is that the change was always some huge project or endeavor. Being a project oriented person, and one that is pretty organized as well, I was in what I'd call "high gear" every time we moved, including this last time (two months ago).
I swear to you, my house was unpacked and it looked like I had lived there for years in two weeks, every single time I moved. I am the type who can't rest if there's a box that needs to be unpacked, or a picture that needs to be hung or whatever. So I just about kill myself for weeks in a row - and then I can finally relax.
Invariably, when that time comes, I am suddenly listless. Mildly depressed even. For example, about 30 years ago I moved to Germany. Now THAT was an endeavor, and took months of planning and executing. FINALLY I got there, moved in, unpacked, and then it was gorgeous spring...and I suddenly HATED IT. All I wanted to do was go home, and of course I couldn't go home - and I felt trapped for the next three years, yada yada yada...except that wasn't really the case. I just had to even out and find my groove. Which I did of course, and of course I loved in there it a few weeks.
My daughter and her husband just moved there for three years and she felt the same way for a few weeks. I was able to remind her that this was normal - and it was - and now, a few months into the move, she LOVES it there.
Like I said, we just moved two months ago and a few weeks ago a mild depression snuck up on me, and it still sort of lingers but it's getting better. I honestly think it has to do with switching from "high gear" to "low gear" or at least "regular gear" and the adrenaline dropping. For example, just to tell you how active I was - I lost 12 pounds in less than a month when we moved. And I was eating terrible food too - pizza, fast food, etc. - while we were moving and I was unpacking, hanging things, etc. Now everything is in it's place and "real life" has set in.
I can also relate to finding it difficult to sit down and read quietly. That's SUCH a marked change of pace. I've always been a reader, but it takes more discipline now for me to finish a good book. But that is temporary, I would be willing to bet the house on it - LOL. It has to do with going 150 mph for weeks on end and then suddenly STOPPING and trying to sit still and read in a quiet house with a clock ticking.
Long, long way of saying, I wonder if this is part of your issue - and I bet it is.
I know what you mean. It's almost anti-climatic in a way. You're like, 'now what?'
How about a fun part-time job? If I had more weekend time, I'd work at a small concert venue or live theater taking tickets or serving drinks. I think that would be neat.
My dad works on his classic cars and airplanes. My mom sleeps if she can. After working her private practice, operating and doing her rounds at the hospital....she’s whooped by the weekend.
Without meetup, I would not have a social life. It's not a particularly active one. It would be more accurate to say I have a great group of acquaintances through meet up. When I am with them maybe 2x per month I have a good time. And as I said, I am an introvert. I can feel lonely in a crowd, and often do. I have to work at engaging with others. This friday night I organized a social hour at a local tavern and I may or may not have a good time depending on how tired I am from a week of work. Sometimes I just observe and check in on people, other times I'm more of a socializer. Being newish in town has little to do with it, my life was similar before I moved, I just had a teenager living with me. (I am new in this house but I have lived in this town for 1.25 years) If there had been a Meetup I wanted to participate in this weekend, it would have filled more time, but there wasn't. Most weekends and evenings are hard on me.
So yes, my question really is, when not socializing, how do people fill time around the house?
I think a lot of people fill time with shopping but I don't need more stuff.
I'm not single, but I am still not loving "the empty nest" situation.
How have Meet Ups worked for you? I might be the only person on earth who hasn't tried one.
To me, motherhood - having children or teens in the house, was uniquely rewarding. I miss the laughter and chaos of a house filled with younger people.
November is Adoption Awareness month. There is a great need for Foster Parents - especially for children over 12. If you enjoyed raising children, you might want to look into foster care or adoption.
Just a thought.
Being new is more difficult as people get older. I don't think anyone will argue with that.
To me, motherhood - having children or teens in the house, was uniquely rewarding. I miss the laughter and chaos of a house filled with younger people.
I had a hard time adjusting to the empty nest. I grew up with siblings and lots of their friends always around. My parents were also quite social.
I had 2 children who had friends and we live in a neighborhood where people were/are friendly.
It was hard.
Like the OP, I get things done and then wondering what to do. I don't know how to slow it down.
Empty nest syndrome is real and no fun. It does sound like you are suffering from it. I too suffered greatly. It just takes time. Unfortunately. There is an empty nesters forum you can google to find it.
One thing that helped was reading about others going through it as well. And talking to others. Many, if not most of all the people I know have suffered. Before I went through it no one spoke about, I had never heard from anyone how they felt. When I attended the funeral for an elderly relative the first thing the widow said to me was, “How are you doing with the empty house? I know it’s so hard when children leave, I remember”. Then she hugged me.
There really isn’t much out there to prepare oneself for this. it should be in all the parent books, the last chapter!
Since then two of mine have returned with families in tow. One for a shorter amount of time and one for a longer. So this isn’t the end, it’s just the start of a new era.
Visit a crafts store and sign up for lessons to learn a new skill or hobby. Also, you should be able to take continuing ed classes in your community. Learn how to do photography or birdwatching.
Volunteer for a few hours at the Salvation Army or a local food pantry.
Plant a garden, and spend time working in it three seasons of the year.
Stagemomma - That isn't normal boredom and it is NOT empty nest syndrome. Don't take this the wrong way and get all PO'ed at me but from the activities and feelings that you're describing you sound like somebody having a bi-polar mood swing, or someone who is antsy and hyperactive, getting the jitters from suffering something like a perpetual bad acid trip or side effects from a "high" reaction to antidepressants or prescription psychostimulants or methamphetamines or even cocaine or speed.
I'm not saying that's what you've been taking, I'm saying it sounds like you're suffering the same kinds of adverse side effects and jitters caused by some of those kinds of drugs. Or God knows what else could be going on organically. When you're sitting down do your feet jerk or tap or shake involuntarily? Are you constantly trying to keep your hands and fingers busy? Do you feel compelled to keep moving and doing, moving and doing?
I think you should see your doctor soon to find out if you're experiencing unexpected adverse reactions to the antidepressants you've been taking (or stopped taking) for your depression, or whatever other kinds of medications you're on.
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Whaaaa? The OP's post sounds nothing like it is coming from a druggie. But sure sounds like you have the symptoms down pat.
The OP is bored and looking for fun things to do and you are suggesting she's a druggie? Give your head a shake.
Single and childless, but mostly introvert. Knowing how I am, I moved to a warm climate because I knew when I retired, I didnt want to be stuck in the house during cold weather. I enjoy being outside, gardening, a few critters, and I can definitely keep myself busy while outdoors. Had I been stuck inside for 3 or 4 months out of the year, I would have gone nuts. Ive now joined several FB pages that are all about my outdoor hobbies, and thus have made several friends who are also like minded in hobbies. It really make a big difference in making friends if you have hobbies alike; lots to talk about and share. I think thats the trick to making friends, even if you only want a few, is having like interests. Im generally a pretty quiet person, but when I get with a friend of mine who enjoys gardening, we can blab for hours.
Find things you really enjoy doing. The friendships will follow.
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I agree and love this comment!
