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I know what you mean. It's almost anti-climatic in a way. You're like, 'now what?'
EXACTLY. I didn't get postpartum depression but I got a mild case of blues after each of my kids was born, as well. I think the hormonal shift plus the fatigue plus the reality of the needs of a newborn vs the expectation of the birth all combined to create a sense of slight depression. This feeling after a move feels the same to me. In fact, I'm in that mode right now. I know it will lift and it's not debilitating but it's definitely THERE.
I have come to expect it and just roll with it when it happens. It helps me empathize with people who are struggling with depression though because it's a taste of the real thing if that makes sense.
I had the same problems. Once my daughter graduated from high school ten years ago, I moved to a different area 60 miles away because it was more affordable and I'd gone broke making sure she was raised in a good town with good schools. In the new area, I would be able to buy a home (condo) of my own for the first time.
The move made my commute a little longer, so most of my days were taken up by work and getting to and from work, but there was still a lot of free time. I like to write, so I joined a couple of writing groups I found on meetup. Sometimes I went to the library or the cafe at the bookstore that still existed then. I'd bring a book or my laptop and write, and I didn't speak to anyone but it was just nice to be out among other humans.
The obvious place to go was the pub about a mile up the road but I was afraid to do that for fear of finding myself with another alcoholic like my ex on my hands, lol, and I was old enough to know the odds were against me having a chance to date outside of the alcoholic demographic.
I found a church after a couple of tries at ones where I didn't fit in and no one spoke to me. There were a lot of other oddballs there who weren't acceptable at other churches--Divorced like me, or gay, and a couple of people with mental illnesses. I made some friends there, which helped, but still, it wasn't always easy. A few months after I started, a couple in their 50s announced that they were getting married during the service the following week. I know it sounds somewhat bitter, but at the time I wasn't about to sit in a church and watch somebody else get what I couldn't have, so that day I skipped church and drove to Atlantic City by myself for the day. And won $150, IIRC. Today I probably would have sat through the wedding.
After I retired, I went onto the website for my county's park system and there were good activities to try. I did archery, canoeing, hiking. I was still alone but with others around, and in a group it didn't feel so alone. Most people had come with someone, though, so I didn't make any friends that way.
I also joined the board of my condo association and met some neighbors.
I did a lot of things alone that I wished I had someone to do with. There's a place not far from me that has 200 pinball machines dating from the Fifties to modern days. I went by myself and paid for an hour of play. I had to get over my fear of being looked at as an oddball 50-something woman doing things by myself, but you know what? A cop friend told me "You're invisible. You could drive down the road with a beer in one hand and joint in another and our eyes would pass right over you." Not that I intend to do THAT, but instead of feeling bad about being invisible, I learned to use it. Nobody notices or cares what we do at this age, and so you can just go do whatever you want to do without worrying about what people think, because nobody's thinking.
It took a couple of years after I moved, but eventually I scraped up enough friends and acquaintances that I have things to do and people to have dinner and play cards or watch a movie with. Eventually I even found an unexpected relationship, but due to locations and family obligations it can't be full time.
It's not easy, but keep trying different ideas even if you have to try them alone, and eventually, you're going to stumble upon others who are in the same place.
It's nice to read your post, your real life story. You were/are very brave.
I'm an introvert. I enjoy the times being alone to read good books, watch nice movies, to read/learn some new technology books or online… to do whatever I want. I don't feel lonely most of the times. However, there are times I feel/know I need to get out and interact with others, but I feel stressed out in a crowd, and I'm afraid to be close to someone, and then that person leaves or betrays me. That's my problem. I know it's not good, but I don't know how to overcome it.
Last edited by AnOrdinaryCitizen; 11-19-2019 at 07:04 AM..
It's nice to read your post, your real life story. You were/are very brave.
I'm an introvert. I enjoy the times being alone to read good books, watch nice movies, to read/learn some new technology books or online… to do whatever I want. I don't feel lonely most of the times. However, there are times I feel/know I need to get out and interact with others, but I feel stressed out in a crowd, and I'm afraid to be close to someone, and then that person leaves or betrays me. That's my problem. I know it's not good, but I don't know how to overcome it.
Aw, I don't think I was brave. I just had no real choices.
I do treasure my solitude. I need time alone. But sometimes I do want company.
Be active - it will help with the depression and be fun and healthy and connects you with other people.
1. Find a sport you like and be active, bicycling, gym, hiking, kayak, yoga, spinning,
2. Become a fan of a local team and attend their events, maybe soccer/basketball/softball/baseball ...
3. get a dog or foster a dog or two
4. Volunteer
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