What do normal empty nesters do on the weekend? (boyfriend, husband, male)

[Stagemomma]

I'm a single mom, age 51. My kids are grown. I work really hard all week and on the weekend I want to enjoy my leisure time. But apparently I don't know how. I'm bored bored bored. I'm an introvert and I don't have a lot of friends, just a lot of acquaintances. I'm in a hiking meetup but outside of the meetup events we don't get together. My coworkers are with their kids or significant others. I might be the only single person in my entire workplace (a school)

This weekend I:
did 2 loads of laundry, changed my sheets.
Did a load of dishes and made a batch of cornbread
packed lunch for tomorrrow
laid out clothes for tomorrow
cleaned up a few hotspots in the house, including several pairs of shoes in the front hall
wiped off the bathroom counter
windexed a few things
hung up a lamp.
Napped.
Did some cross stitch (Which I used to enjoy but now seems tedious)
did some paint by number (which also gets tedious)
went to the drug store, the library, the hardware store, and had lunch at Taco Bell
watch a ton of TV, little of it was actually worth watching.
played a computer game
tried to read a book but couldn't stay focused
talked on the phone with mom, brother and oldest daughter

the weather was lousy, chilly, rainy, gusty so outdoor chores or pursuits were off the table. There are more projects around the house to be done but I try to pace myself since they are also not much fun and I don't want to bite off more than I can finish in 2 days. Some of what needs doing is waiting on a contractor to do their part first (Tile work, minor construction, etc has to be done before I can finish unpacking)

There are other things I can do outside the house such as go to church or volunteer, and I do those sometimes. Volunteering just seems like work and it's not proven to be a good way to meet people. Church is full of the elderly and people with young kids. I like mixing with others but i don't find good friends there.
Sometimes I hang out with my daughter who lives nearby but she is a college student.

But what else do other single empty nesters do on the weekend or after work? It's an ongoing struggle to fill the time after work before bedtime. Three day weekends are the pits.

???

[ClaraC]

Have you just now moved into the area?

You mention needing work done on your house before you can finish "unpacking" and it seems you're really trying hard to meet people.

Edited to add: I went to your posting history to see if in fact, you had just moved into the area and found this to be your last post before this one:

"Yep! I have a great group of friends I met via Meetup. Without them, I would not know anyone outside of work and my immediate neighbors. I actually have a social life!"


It sounds like this weekend was hard on you, and you're feeling lonely, but in general you have an active social life?

[Stagemomma]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

Have you just now moved into the area?

You mention needing work done on your house before you can finish "unpacking" and it seems you're really trying hard to meet people.

Edited to add: I went to your posting history to see if in fact, you had just moved into the area and found this to be your last post before this one:

"Yep! I have a great group of friends I met via Meetup. Without them, I would not know anyone outside of work and my immediate neighbors. I actually have a social life!"


It sounds like this weekend was hard on you, and you're feeling lonely, but in general you have an active social life?

Without meetup, I would not have a social life. It's not a particularly active one. It would be more accurate to say I have a great group of acquaintances through meet up. When I am with them maybe 2x per month I have a good time. And as I said, I am an introvert. I can feel lonely in a crowd, and often do. I have to work at engaging with others. This friday night I organized a social hour at a local tavern and I may or may not have a good time depending on how tired I am from a week of work. Sometimes I just observe and check in on people, other times I'm more of a socializer. Being newish in town has little to do with it, my life was similar before I moved, I just had a teenager living with me. (I am new in this house but I have lived in this town for 1.25 years) If there had been a Meetup I wanted to participate in this weekend, it would have filled more time, but there wasn't. Most weekends and evenings are hard on me.

So yes, my question really is, when not socializing, how do people fill time around the house?



I think a lot of people fill time with shopping but I don't need more stuff.

[meo92953]

I am trying to remember that far back. I do remember not knowing what to do with myself.

This was before home computers and internet. I think I just read a lot. I didn't really do a lot. I was extremely bored for quite a while.

Eventually I figured out I could move and ended up in San Francisco. I moved into a tiny apartment next to Golden Gate park and spent a lot of time just exploring.

But the first year was awful.

[brightdoglover]

Since I've never a parent, living alone since age 23 and having few relationships with boyfriend-type people, I always worked weekends and holidays (hospital job). When younger, most friends were in couples and did couple things. I always appreciated my gay male friends because when in couples, they still didn't forget about me and other non-coupled people. When older, it just got easier and easier to work then. Yes, I felt kind of pathetic but so were all the people I worked with, then! Since retirement and moving to a new and small town, I don't notice weekends that much. If there's something I want to see or hear at the theater, I go, and feel as awkward as I might feel during the week. Socializing or "getting out there" is an effort, that's for sure. There are no meetups in my low-populated area that interest me. I actually might attend a book club at a very generic church, if it focuses on kind of universal questions about ethics or hope or whatever (and not the Christian creed. I talked to the pastor the other day and it seemed it could be good).

I spend a lot of time conversing on the internet from my laptop. On C-D, which I much appreciate, and by email to a couple of friends. I love conversation if it's going well, or I can get it to go. I am aware of how much social life here is hiking/skiing/climbing, etc. although not so much in my age group (66) but more like 20 years younger. It's why people live here. I'm not bored but am concerned about being older and not sporting like the people I think I'd like to know.

[Zoisite]

Stagemomma - That isn't normal boredom and it is NOT empty nest syndrome. Don't take this the wrong way and get all PO'ed at me but from the activities and feelings that you're describing you sound like somebody having a bi-polar mood swing, or someone who is antsy and hyperactive, getting the jitters from suffering something like a perpetual bad acid trip or side effects from a "high" reaction to antidepressants or prescription psychostimulants or methamphetamines or even cocaine or speed.

I'm not saying that's what you've been taking, I'm saying it sounds like you're suffering the same kinds of adverse side effects and jitters caused by some of those kinds of drugs. Or God knows what else could be going on organically. When you're sitting down do your feet jerk or tap or shake involuntarily? Are you constantly trying to keep your hands and fingers busy? Do you feel compelled to keep moving and doing, moving and doing?

I think you should see your doctor soon to find out if you're experiencing unexpected adverse reactions to the antidepressants you've been taking (or stopped taking) for your depression, or whatever other kinds of medications you're on.
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[KathrynAragon]

My husband and I are empty nesters. He also is gone two weekends out of every four so I am alone on those weekends. In fact, I'm alone for two weeks out of every month. Also, just moved to this neighborhood, though I have lived in this general area for years so I do have a few friends here.

Anyway, I totally get what you're saying about it being tedious sometimes. Not always but occasionally I do realize with a start that I'm bored. Not often though but occasionally.

Here are some things I do:

1. Go see a movie, by myself or with a friend. Honestly, my husband thinks I'm a lunatic but I LOVE going to a matinee by myself!

2. Streaming binge - Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Treme, etc. etc. etc. There really are some good series out there. Something for everyone.

3. Go shopping for something very specific, preferably for some sort of craft or project.

4. Do something in the yard - either clean out flower beds or plant something, or that sort of thing.

5. Meet up with a friend, even an acquaintance or casual friend, for lunch or coffee. I instigate this about half the time.

6. Go to the bookstore or library or wherever and find a really good book.

7. On cold late afternoons, I will often come home, make some coffee in the french press and then snuggle down with a good book.

8. Try out a new recipe. Then give some of it to a neighbor. Strike up a conversation.

9. I am all about volunteering though. I volunteer with a group which teaches life and job skills to underprivileged women and I LOVE it. I volunteer there two mornings a week and since I teach a class, I have to actually prepare for this class. I also am on the board. So that takes up probably 20 hours a week. Plus I really have gotten to know some volunteers there well and I like some of them a LOT. I really encourage people to find a volunteer group and pour your energy into that. I also do a bit of volunteer work for my church.

[flyingsaucermom]

My mom, sister and I are all introverts. My mom moved to a new city (where my sister relocated a year before) when she separated from my dad. I believe she was around 48 or 49 at the time. She said it took three years to settle into her new home/community. She did exactly as you have and joined an outdoor group. She also joined two book clubs and did some volunteering and travel tours. She is still a member of the outdoor group, but is not so active as she was when she was younger (she's in her mid 60's). One book club lasted nearly 10 years. I'm not sure how, but she's made two very dear friends and has several slightly less dear friends, friends of friends I guess... I'm actually amazed because she didn't have close friends when she was my age. She had two "friends" in her mid 30's-upper 40's, but they were wives of my dad's business dealings and when things soured between them, she lost lost them through the process. These days she's doing less travel too, she seems to be spending more time at home and when she goes out, she goes out to eat, watch a show (live or film). She seems to get invitations to parties, weddings, showers of friends of friends with some level of regularity. That said.. she is spending a lot of time at home these days, especially after breaking her elbow earlier this year. She worries a lot about getting older and not having people around to take care of her. Her friends do too.

I don't know much about my sister. We don't even talk to each very much anymore, but we've talked about not having my friends...

I haven't claimed to have friends since I moved to my current city in 2011. I don't think I want any, to be honest. I'm having a hard enough time just keeping up with my household and and a few personal interests. I've found myself alone more often than before recently as both my 13 year old and 16 year old have really developed more independent lives. My husband has a couple of friends and lately there have been times where everyone is out and I'm home. Including a whole week (they went to visit in-laws). In that time I did what you did.. I did some updating to the house (painting), I prepped meals and looked over our finances. I love to read so I definitely got some reading in as well as binged Outlanders while painting!

As my kids become more independent I imagine -hope- to develop more relationships. I intend to join a book club. I would like to learn tai chi in a group. Maybe take some gardening classes... typical older adult sort of pastimes.

Since I'm work as a dog walker and pet sitter, I don't really have an urge to have a dog (time and money), but I know many people benefit from having a dog to walk. The difference between when I walk with or without a dog is HUGE when it comes to strangers stopping and chatting with me. It's annoying because I'm actually trying to do my work, but most dog owners seem to love it.

Otherwise I might see about volunteering. I was a member of a coed service fraternity in college and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I would love to get back to that as well!

Hope this helps in some way. Good luck!

[nobodysbusiness]

Originally Posted by Zoisite

Stagemomma - That isn't normal boredom and it is NOT empty nest syndrome. Don't take this the wrong way and get all PO'ed at me but from the activities and feelings that you're describing you sound like somebody having a bi-polar mood swing, or someone who is antsy and hyperactive, getting the jitters from suffering something like a perpetual bad acid trip or side effects from a "high" reaction to antidepressants or prescription psychostimulants or methamphetamines or even cocaine or speed.

I'm not saying that's what you've been taking, I'm saying it sounds like you're suffering the same kinds of adverse side effects and jitters caused by some of those kinds of drugs. Or God knows what else could be going on organically. When you're sitting down do your feet jerk or tap or shake involuntarily? Are you constantly trying to keep your hands and fingers busy? Do you feel compelled to keep moving and doing, moving and doing?

I think you should see your doctor soon to find out if you're experiencing unexpected adverse reactions to the antidepressants you've been taking (or stopped taking) for your depression, or whatever other kinds of medications you're on.
.

This is insane.

[Zoisite]

Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness

This is insane.

Of course I would expect you to say that but the reps I just got for my post suggests that some others recognize the symptoms that I was warning about and are in agreement and on the same page with me.

Do you have any constructive advice to offer to the OP?


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