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The truth might be in the middle. Going on too much about work stuff can get old fast. However, some shop talk might just be part of his personality. I think it needs to be pointed out to him that too much shop talk gets boring and annoying, and that there are a few guidelines to pleasant conversation that he should learn. There are many books about conversation for people who have problems with it, so maybe buy him a couple of books. Learning from books, rather than being schooled by his wife, will probably go down easier for him.
You cannot change his personality. But you can kindly let him know that most people are not that interested in hearing about his job (or anyone's job). And to be more interested in hearing what other people have to say. Also, I agree to previous posters, starting a hobby where he can socialize a little bit would be something you both benefit from.
However, I don't think he will then suddenly have friends, but it will be a little more fun for you when you go to social gatherings.
The truth might be in the middle. Going on too much about work stuff can get old fast. However, some shop talk might just be part of his personality. I think it needs to be pointed out to him that too much shop talk gets boring and annoying, and that there are a few guidelines to pleasant conversation that he should learn. There are many books about conversation for people who have problems with it, so maybe buy him a couple of books. Learning from books, rather than being schooled by his wife, will probably go down easier for him.
I think the problem of these books is, that they were made by authors who are naturally masters in the art of conversation and have the genetically inherited desire for self-optimisation with regards to human communication, these authors already knew what to do and what to say when they were kids and they did not need books to tell him to do so. Their advice sounds easy for them, but it will be incredibly hard for her husband to follow. If an extroverts say "Be open" - to an introvert, this is from the perspective of the extrovert.
It's paradox, I consider these books to be most helpful for those who don't need it (because they can improve nevertheless with some extra advice, but they are already good at it, they go so to say from good to very good) and least helpful for those who need it the most (because they cannot change their personality).
These books generally try to transmit a wining-type personality to people who have personalites that are very different and do not strive for this. It is probably Micky86 who suffers the most, but her husband is probably more okay with the situation.
When I was at school, I had a friend who had no profile picture of herself on facebook, instead she had a profile pic of a cat.
I told her that her profile looks "empty, not personal and a bit unsocial" and that she should consider a profile pic, write something about her and I offered her my help to take a great profile pic.
However, she got upset and attacked me for my advice, I then learned quickly to never give such advice again.
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I think you owe it to him to say he isn't careful to notice that he's dominating the conversation.
He must make all your social outings/gatherings uncomfortable.
You owe it to everyone around you to tell him to let other people talk. Maybe he could bring a book and occupy himself some of the time so others have a chance to speak?
Maybe he could bring a book and occupy himself some of the time so others have a chance to speak?
Others might interpret this as a lack of interest. It's equivalent to someone scrolling on the smartphone, while someone else is talking to him. One does not know if that person is paying attention. The phone probably is even more socially acceptable than a book, because a smartphone message might be short, while a book is a long story to read.
Her husband should listen to others, not only that, he should also react, comment on what others say. If other people just talk without getting reaction, they won't come back either.
Also he should use a variety of different reactions, not just "okay or amazing" (which are overused).
Donald Trump, for example, frequently uses "TREMENDOUS(LY)" which is a good alternative instead of saying words like "very" or "big".
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AvrilLavigne
Others might interpret this as a lack of interest. It's equivalent to someone scrolling on the smartphone, while someone else is talking to him. One does not know if that person is paying attention. The phone probably is even more socially acceptable than a book, because a smartphone message might be short, while a book is a long story to read.
Her husband should listen to others, not only that, he should also react, comment on what others say. If other people just talk without getting reaction, they won't come back either.
For people who are used to him dominating the conversation about himself, they'd interpret it as a relief, in my experience.
For people who are used to him dominating the conversation about himself, they'd interpret it as a relief, in my experience.
That for sure, just there is another couple and the visitor-wife will probably already know lots of the things that the visitor-husband will say, in order for the communication to be interactive, reactions should come form multiple sources. If Micky's husband don't react to a statement, there cannot be a re-reaction, etc. That would be kinda an asymmetric discussion if only his wife is clearly listening.
Unfortunately, couples try to be "role model couples" and surround themselves with other "role model couples", so they will want her husband to be also involved.
One other solution might be, that Micky86 will forbid her husband to talk about his job and as a reward he will get a BOOK as a present after the meeting?!
Just bring it up and be like: "You mentioned you'd like more friends. I think this can be accomplished by ..." That way you don't sound condescending and am giving him your POV and advice.
I think he can change but he must want to first. If he wants to change it will not be following his wife's list of all the things he doesn't do right. He has to learn how to be a friend on his own. A friend is someone you hang with for fun or activity in a non-serious way. He never learned how to do that.
It always boggles me that a lot of married couples can’t have the most simplistic and honest conversations.
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