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At this point, all you will do is make him defensive, because his personality type is the least likely to be open to criticism, constructive or not, anyway.
If you'r'e afraid to tell him something this obvious, he must be very dominating in your home life, as well. Sounds like a combo of an ego problem, combined with little sensitivity to others.
I would absolutely tell my spouse: "You tend to dominate the conversation and turn others off with work talk. Maybe try listening for a change and introducing more congenial topics of conversation."
Yes! OP, I would think that if you don't feel comfortable having such a conversation with your husband, then there's nothing else to do but let him express himself, and move on.
I clicked on this topic because my husband is in the same situation. But we've had many conversations about it. My husband's issues are that he works and not much else, and hasn't met anyone that he clicks with socially since we moved to this city. It's just a weird little thing. My husband is a good guy, not a conversation dominator, and he is interested in lots of topics in the world. He used to do things with people - he was in a band for a few years - but the band broke up and he hasn't pursued another group to play music with. I can't help him do that. So, I nod along when he complains and don't say anything anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank Purlin
Getting along with others is easy if you understand the following,
"The only reason people ask you about your weekend is because they want to tell you about their weekend."
So simple, but true!
Quote:
Originally Posted by settled00
I love what I do and am all ears to hear about jobs of others, especially if they also love what they do. I also don't mind at all to hear about the crappy things as well to compare it to my own. I'm weird like that.
I'm weird like that, too. I have a job that people love to ask about and start a conversation over, and I'm more than happy to oblige! And I also like hearing about others' occupations. Not everyone does want to talk about their jobs, though, I have found. Even when I'm asking honestly interested questions. So I oblige them as well and change the topic. I spend a lot of time on C-D reading the Work and Employment forum here to get my fix.
Growing up he was the golden child but at the same time wasn't socialised very well (he says all this himself). So when conversing with people this seems to have led to the problem of dominating conversation but also not reading people at the same time. He has a high powered job that is always the main topic of conversation (and his job like most jobs is dull to everyone else) so while the topic of work will be going on and on, he doesnt see that everyone has tuned out. I have also seen him get annoyed if anyone tried to involve themselves in the conversation, like he thinks they are interrupting him.
I'm not going to lie, I would love to see him have more friends but this does affect me as well. We don't have couples around for dinner or whatever at all- and that does bother me. When we have had people around, they don't repeat visit or we dont get asked to theres.
Heck maybe it's me!
You married him despite the fact that he dominates conversations all the time, so you must’ve found something likable about him. Plenty of people talk about themselves all the time and still have friends, so maybe that’s not the reason.
My husband has few to no friends. I know this bothers him as he has told me so. We've been together a long time and I know him well. I can see the problem clearly... My question is, would it be rude to tell him???
I mean, Im not his mother but as well as being married we are good friends so I do want to help him---
Any advice???
Is it because he has excessively stinky farts? Because he's autistic? What?
If he truly wants to know how to make friends, I would not start by telling him he dominates the conversation. That is a negative and people don't respond well to those kinds of statements. I would tell him that most people really appreciate someone who listens and he should practice listening and not talking about himself unless they ask, then keep it brief and either turn the conversation back to them or something that is not controversial in current events.
I think the problem of these books is, that they were made by authors who are naturally masters in the art of conversation and have the genetically inherited desire for self-optimisation with regards to human communication, these authors already knew what to do and what to say when they were kids and they did not need books to tell him to do so. Their advice sounds easy for them, but it will be incredibly hard for her husband to follow. If an extroverts say "Be open" - to an introvert, this is from the perspective of the extrovert.
It isn't necessarily dictated by genetic limitations. Sometimes it's just a combination of people being self-absorbed and getting into bad habits.
I've seen books on conversation that didn't try to take the reader from 8 to 10. They were written for people who needed remedial help, and the authors were professionals who seemed to understand where and why these people were poor conversationalists and what guidelines they needed to get on track. The OP might have to look through several books to find the right one, but those books are out there. I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand.
He needs to be the one asking for help .
It is noble to try but you are too close to the problem and if he does not see it as one, you will drive him away.
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