Quote:
Originally Posted by Micky85
My husband has few to no friends. I know this bothers him as he has told me so. We've been together a long time and I know him well. I can see the problem clearly... My question is, would it be rude to tell him???
I mean, Im not his mother but as well as being married we are good friends so I do want to help him---
Any advice???
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I'm an outgoing friendly sociable person. I make "friends" easily. Thing is, is the people I
actually count as friends (and not just family) are less than 10. Everyone else (colleagues, bosses, classmates, etc.) are simply associates of varying importance.
Where my actual friends are welcome any time, day or night, and can stay as long as convenient I'd rather
not have these associates cluttering up my house or backyard unless I absolutely have to. I'd rather shove these associates out the door once whatever social event is over than say the customary
that was a nice evening let's do it again mumbo jumbo one is expected to say. They're not friends after all they're associates. All in all these associates are just a shade above being uninvited guests as I'll tolerate them but that does
not mean I enjoy their company.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Micky85
Growing up he was the golden child but at the same time wasn't socialised very well (he says all this himself). So when conversing with people this seems to have led to the problem of dominating conversation but also not reading people at the same time. He has a high powered job that is always the main topic of conversation (and his job like most jobs is dull to everyone else) so while the topic of work will be going on and on, he doesnt see that everyone has tuned out. I have also seen him get annoyed if anyone tried to involve themselves in the conversation, like he thinks they are interrupting him.
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Thing is, is he sounds no different than any other high profile person & I've had plenty of experience with them via family's
international business.
As for the table conversations. What is the background of the other people? If they've neither the same educational or career background this tuning out is
gonna happen. It'd happen if he were a simple mechanic going on about his work on cars. No different than if someone started talking about fashion & nobody else around the table can relate or even care.
As for him getting defensive. Again if the people there have neither the same educational or career background it's
gonna happen. It's a sort of who-do-you-think-you-are-telling-me-about-my-job attitude that can come with high profile or specialty careers. My cousins' a well-liked 'lovable' friendly guy but he's a specialist in his field &
nothing gets his goat (annoys him) faster than a guest without a shard of similar background trying to question/talk of/butt in about his job as if they know better (and it's rude of the guest).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Micky85
I'm not going to lie, I would love to see him have more friends but this does affect me as well. We don't have couples around for dinner or whatever at all- and that does bother me. When we have had people around, they don't repeat visit or we dont get asked to theres.
Heck maybe it's me!
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My suggestion is sit down & have a serious talk with your husband. Don't pressure him because
you - which seems to be the case more than anything - want more people to socialize with. If he's not interested he's gonna end up resenting you in the long run. Just as you're gonna end up resenting him in the long run.
If the major problem is lack of socialization get your own friends to socialize with. Go to someone's house for "tea time", go out wherever (bingo an easy example) for a ladies' night, etc.
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