What is the best way to handle drama between divorced parents and nosy relatives?

[TheShadow]

Originally Posted by tgm4256

Sorry I meant it was about my parents, but I have gotten nosy questions from relatives as well. On Thanksgiving, I was asked:

"How long have you had your house" followed by "Is it paid off?"
"How much do you pay for health insurance per month?"
"How are you paying for recent furnace replacement?" - trying to gauge whether I financed through the company, obtained own financing, or paid in full
"What's your work schedule?"



Ya gotta be quick though. I'm sometimes caught off guard by these questions.



I like the idea. Perhaps I need to figure out some canned responses to some of the more common questions I hear.

When I get personal questions that are none of anybody's business, I answer their question with one of my own, "Why do you want to know?" said in an unassuming and non-confrontational voice. That will catch THEM off guard. Or if there is an actual reason they want or need to know, then you'll find out. And yes that can be one of several stock answers for these nosy questions. Others might be "I don't discuss my finances", "That's personal", or "How 'bout them Yankees!".

[Sassybluesy]

Originally Posted by tgm4256

Parents divorced over years ago after being married for 30 years

They have badmouthed each other, not only to me but to other relatives. It seems like every time we have a conversation, there is at least one remark about the other parent.

Some of the relatives on my mom's side of the family are nosy af. On Thanksgiving, a few were asking me questions about my dad's job situation. When I saw my dad, he asked me about them and badmouthed some of them.

It's like I'm the "middle man" in a situation that I had no control over, never asked to be in this situation. I remember when my parents were first divorced, feeling that relatives were watching me at a holiday to see how I would react.

What's the best way to handle these types of questions? I suppose it's time for me to flat out stop giving out information about anyone? Perhaps I should ask why they're asking (three relatives asked the same question) or tell them all that I'm no longer going to give them information but I can put them in touch with him if they're curious or vice versa?

IMO, this exactly. Tell them you're not interested in being the middle man, and you're not going to participate anymore. "But if they want to get information straight from the horse's mouth, here's mom's and here's dad's contact info." Try to do it with a smile on your face.


Really, they should know better...but apparently they don't. You have every right to set your boundaries.